I am glad you two had a chance to clear the air but I am also glad you are proceeding with caution. You are braver than I am for sure - if SYB had backtracked on the ILY I would have backed off completely. I get that you have strong feelings for him though and I understand why you want to see things through. I wish I could come over there and convince you not to clean his place though. I realllllllly dont think that is a good idea especially given what has happened. He needs to clean on his own and figure out shortcuts like everyone else who is out of college! Maybe I am crazy and the only one who reacts to this thing about helping him clean but there is something about it that just itches me for you. I know he is busy and he needs to multitask but there are other ways to multitask so he can see you. I used to do laundry WITH an ex together and we would fold and watch movies together and that was productive for both of us. I guess I feel like you are about to get very busy yourself and it feels like he might be taking you for granted a bit....but maybe I am totally off and just being overprotective. ...
Hmmmm... I recall B's post about Why Men Marry... stating that you shouldn't help him clean or do laundry... and in your case, I wouldn't even go over til AFTER he had tidied up- give him more incentive to get it done with, "I'll head over in the afternoon, give you a chance to do your errands and clean up"....
I know you do all your stuff to get it out of the way in order to spend time with him, and you should allow him the time to do the same.
So... in true "B" form, the next time you get there and he's not done cleaning- I would just say, "oh, didn't realize you weren't done, guess I'll come back later" and leave. The more that you're there while he's doing his chores, you're reinforcing the negative behaviour- so forcing him to do it alone will make him do it faster so he doesn't miss out on seeing you!
WAIT? Heck no! You drive back to your town and see some friends for the evening instead! If he figures out that you're not only NOT going to stick around while he cleans, but that you're ALSO going to make OTHER plans... he'll be finished his chores before you're finished telling him you're on your way! You don't want to be sitting around in his town waiting for him to finish because you'll just get MORE upset with him when he continues to take his sweet @ss time!
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Sounds like a good turn of events- but I agree with you about holding back and letting him miss you.
Do you feel better today or still flustered?
I wish I could come over there and convince you not to clean his place though. I realllllllly dont think that is a good idea especially given what has happened. He needs to clean on his own and figure out shortcuts like everyone else who is out of college! Maybe I am crazy and the only one who reacts to this thing about helping him clean but there is something about it that just itches me for you. I know he is busy and he needs to multitask but there are other ways to multitask so he can see you. I used to do laundry WITH an ex together and we would fold and watch movies together and that was productive for both of us.
I guess I feel like you are about to get very busy yourself and it feels like he might be taking you for granted a bit....but maybe I am totally off and just being overprotective. ...
Capricorn: slow and steady wins the race.
I know you do all your stuff to get it out of the way in order to spend time with him, and you should allow him the time to do the same.
So... in true "B" form, the next time you get there and he's not done cleaning- I would just say, "oh, didn't realize you weren't done, guess I'll come back later" and leave. The more that you're there while he's doing his chores, you're reinforcing the negative behaviour- so forcing him to do it alone will make him do it faster so he doesn't miss out on seeing you!
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