Update on what has been going on

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Update on what has been going on
4
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:26pm

OK so April 27th was Chris and I's 1 year anniversary. and his b day.

I called him on Thursday and asked him If he had anything planned.
he told me no. I said lets go to dinner for you birthday and our anniversary.
He said sounded good to him.
I called him Friday after noon to tell him happy b day. I asked him what he was doing he told me watching TV I asked him why he was not at work. he said that they were slow so they sent him home. I then said well that means that you will be showered and ready for me to pick him up (His car is broken) to go to dinner at 5:30. His reply ..."ummm.. nnooo!"
I said okaaay Why? he said because he promised a friend that he would give them a ride( using another friend’s car) to an AA meeting. and that he would not be home till 7:30
I then asked him if he was crazy that we were going to have to wait for a table for like an hour. and another half hour to get our food.
besides I had already made plans with him. So after I got off the phone with him I called one of my girlfriends and asked her if she wanted to go to dinner since Chris decided he was going to go to an AA meeting. She said sure I got him packed the kids and while on my way taking them to the babysitter I called him and told him Since he was going to a meeting I was going to get something to eat and then be over. He said great then we can just go to a movie. (What was the point in getting all dressed up for a movie) (I had a cute black dress with a Shawl that I worked on all week trying to get finished just to where for that night)

He asked me if I was upset with him. I replied with "yeah Kinda" He then said let me call you back. 2 min later he calls me back and says we can go to dinner I told my friend to find another ride. I then replied with well since you said you were going to a meeting I made plans with on of my girl friends to go to dinner.
He said ok fine. When I got done with dinner I decided to call Chris thinking he would be in a meeting and get his VM. no such luck. he answered he had decided not to go to the meeting and was at home waiting for me. the reason I was calling him was to tell him that I decided that I was not going to be comming over. He was not happy he said ok bye.
I decided that if he really cared he would call me back and talk to me. This is going on Week number 3 I guess I can just write him off and go on with my life now???

Was I right in what I did???

Any comments would be wonderful.

P.S sorry been MIA been totally busy with work.

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:35pm
I don't know either of you of course, but you both sound pretty stubborn to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:46pm

After a year, I guess I'd expect that I knew someone well enough to know if this was working out the way I wanted it to or not.

Is his behavior that night typical of his behavior all the time? Meaning, does he flake on you often, make plans with others after agreeing to plans with you, get angry when you decide to get on with your life instead of hanging out by the phone waiting on him??

If those things happen often, or occassionally, even, maybe you should rethink your relationship. If this was the first time in a year that something like this happened, I might rethink not calling him.

However, regardless of how often this happens I don't like a couple of things. First, that he double-booked you. Second, that he hasn't called since. But, if this relationship is important to you, perhaps you should just call him.

I wouldn't like it either, but I am not the type to not have an official ending. After a year, I would at least expect the courtesy of "I don't want to see you anymore." I think you deserve at least that much, but I'm also happy you're not sitting around waiting for him to call.

I love that you went to dinner with your girlfriend, and I love that you don't seem all that depressed about this. It stinks, but you'll get over it. That's the vibe Im getting from you, and I like it!

Moody, who might call, but only to end things officially


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Registered: 07-06-2004
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 5:39pm

Is his behavior that night typical of his behavior all the time? Meaning, does he flake on you often, make plans with others after agreeing to plans with you, get angry when you decide to get on with your life instead of hanging out by the phone waiting on him??

No this behavior is not typical for him He knows that Fridays nights are our nights out. It's been this way for a year. But if there was soemthign that I wanted to do on a friday night occasionally I would usually tell him on thursday or before thursday that I would like to and tell him the who what and where. he always said ok to that. I am not saying that I am "allowed" to do other things with my freinds and he is not just give me some warning and when it is something that is special don't make other plans.

It's taken me a year to come to the realization (everyone else told me sooner than that) that he didn't care he just wanted some and that was all.
After all I am 26 and he was 40. He has been married and divorced 3 times. Although he has been clean from drugs and alcahol for 9 years. I still should have seen the red flags. go figure I was looking thru rose colored glasses and hoping to teach an old dog new tricks.

I have felt for a while now that I was not important to him. and to me this just confirms it. he told me about 2 minths after we started dating that he was not emotionally attached to me. I just figured that it woudl change as time went on specially since he had just filed for divorce. ect ect ect .. I don't think I want to call just to oficially end things becuase when I do that I gets sucked back in everytime with either I'll change I am sorry I was in a bad mood only to find out a few weeks later that they just wanted some ect ect ect. So I think that for me not calling is betterr than calling and getting sucked in and wasting another year of my life.

p.s Alan (the guy i work with that is single and has a daughter exactaly one year younger than my daughter. he has been my friend thru all of this and when either of us need a shoulder to cry on or to vent we call each other. he is also in the same type of living situation as I am we both live with out gramdparents ect ect so we can sympathizie with each other I think is still interested. he told me he was several months ago so we will see what happends.) here's to not calling the old and hoping the new sens me an email or calls soon since I sent him an email to day and he dropped by my desk and said he would send me oen when he got a chance)

SIGH**** I am going home now to play with my kiddos since it's 2:38 pm on a monday and I had to work over time. it's time to GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

bye guys talk to you tomorrow

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 2:59pm
sounds like things haven't been going well for awhile. Just make sure that you are not on the rebound for a guy who seems to have feelings for you, just because you are suddenly single. Take it from me... I know. It can be very painful for the other person.