update on X loosing DS during visit

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
update on X loosing DS during visit
4
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 9:20am
If it was possible for this whole situation to get worse IT HAS.
Here is my post from last month when X's girlfriend lost DS in a store, again.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlsolomother&msg=9071.1&ctx=128
This past weekend X picked up DS for his normal 24 hr visit. X is supposed to have DS EOW, all weekend but rarely keeps him longer than 24 hrs.
This weekend X left DS unsupervised at his house for who knows how long while he took a nap. DS was playing with the girlfriend’s 3 yr old niece in his room with the door shut. X claims this is normal and DS plays in there with the door shut a lot. This would not happen at my house. DS never shuts his bedroom door and I wouldn't leave him unsupervised for that long. The girlfriend found the kids in the bedroom with the door locked after who knows how long. The 3 yr old girl was completely naked and DS (who's 6 1/2) was performing sex acts he'd seen on a movie at his fathers house (DS told me where he saw it at).
When caught X immediately brought DS home and sent him to his room at my house. When he told me what happened I was in shock. Never in my entire life did I EVER expect some thing like that. I didn't even know what to say. Of course X left and left me to deal with the punishment.
I had a long talk with DS. He 6 and knows better than to take his clothes off for anyone. He knew what he did was wrong since he locked the door. i realize that at some age kids do explore (ie play doctor) but i think this was more than just show me yours and i'll show you mine. I explained to DS how wrong this was and why, telling him this was for adults that were much older than him, married and in love. we talked at length about it.
Yesterday I spoke to X again about the matter and he claims it's impossible to watch DS all the time. WHAT!!!!! I was still very upset about the whole thing and his quote was "it's already happened now we just have to deal with it." WHO has to deal with it? He brings him home and doesn't call for 2 days.
I certainly don't feel safe letting DS go over to his father's anymore. I can't afford a lawyer so what do I do? We have joint custody but I just cannot let DS go over there again. It couldn't really get any worse unless he went outside unsupervised and got hit by a car.
DS pulls stuff at his father's that he wouldn't dare do at home because his father doesn't watch him and sets a HORRIBLE example for him.
Any advice? Words of wisdom? I haven't slept for days thinking about this.
Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 2:02pm

I don't know the answer to that, Sara. His dad is clearly doing things that endanger your son. Do you have a way to go to legal aid? Or to find an attorney who will accept payments? You have to get counsel on this matter - don't wait. I would want supervised visits if I was you. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

Keep us posted, okay? And stand up and fight - you are the only one who can do this and where there is a will, there is a way.

Perhaps others will know the legal route better than me - I wish I could help you more!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 10:27pm

I don't know legally what you can do, but I do know that there's no way I would be sending my kid back there unsupervised. You should call your state, county, city, whoever's legal aid, there's got to be someone who can help you. There are always avenues, you just have to find the right one, and don't be afraid to keep knocking when the first door gets shut in your face.

(((Hugs)))

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but don't give up!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 8:21pm
all I can say to you is like I said in the previosu post about this, boys will be boys. Ask your ex if he would mind you keeping your son without giving him visitation for while. Tell him you dont think it's ok to send him back. You feel that was a traumatic experience and if you agree and he agrees get something written up. Also, I think your ex needs some sort of counseling, like family or parenting. And you need to call tghe ex's g/f and find out how the 3 1/2 yr. old is doing. It makes you look like the better person in one sense and in another allows you to maybe get a little insight on the situation. Good luck. I dont know what else to tell you. I'm sorry you ahve to go through something like this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 11:19pm

Sara,


You have to do what you can to ensure this does NOT happen again!


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