Update...a month & 1/2 later!
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| Mon, 04-11-2005 - 9:31pm |
To recap, lol
A month and a half ago, my bf and I had a talk about him moving out and into his own place, to give him his space. Lived together about a year now. I have three kids, daughter 13 and twin boys 12. I posted in February asking how to tell them he was moving.
Well, since the talk, we've been on a whirlwind ride, to say the least. He started going out to his friends on Saturdays, became very distant, etc for about three weeks after the talk. It came to a head on my birthday of all days! Had a great morning, then he got edgy after a friend of mine brought a birthday cake for me. Took his glory? Who knows, but he said he had to go for a while and left. Said he'd be back. THat was on Saturday night, 6ish, came home Monday morning! No calls, etc.
So, I had to talk to my kids pretty much right then and there. They were SUPER! So proud of them, yet felt bad too. I should be taking care of them, but instead they rallied around their mom and said, let's go get the chinese food anyways and watch a movie! My boys sat "bookends" with me on the couch lots of blankets, and my daughter on the recliner next to us. We laughed, ate way too much cake and had a good night dispite my bf's tantrum. (NEVER saw him (bf)do that before or since, still don't know what was bugging him)
He came home and I let it go...no words but I was pretty distant. (Please don't slam me for that..I was trying to be understanding although it hurt)
Since that day,(slow tension easing the first few days) he's been wonderful (yes, as he should). He has been courting me all over again. Guilt perhaps or maybe realized he screwed up big time and could have lost me/us for good? whatever. Then we went on our trip and had a fantastic time. Came home after the trip and he's been helping around the apt, got us a new desk, even went to the dump this week, lol! He has been talking about things we'll be doing this summer, etc. Putting a bench seat in the back of his truck so all the kids can fit, etc. looking ahead. I'm still a bit skittish and am taking it one day at a time. Walls haven't come down as fast as they went up on my bday.
He is still moving out. I think if all goes as expected with this place he's looking at, it will be on May 1. For all we went through the past two months, this is the best it's been in a long time. I'm hoping he finds what he is looking for in the move and can come to terms with whatever it is he is going through.
The kids are being supportive as well. They know they can talk to me if anything bothers them about it, and only my daughter seems to have questions. Guess it's the father daughter thing, as they have become close like that.
All I can say is thanks again to those who responded previously. I may need ya'll after the first if I have a tough time the first few nights alone.
Trust your children, they are usually tougher than you think. I know the adjustment will go well at this point because of our relationship being more solid than it was, so no matter what the future holds, they will be ok with it. They showed me on my birthday that the four of us are a team....always!

Shimie,
I wouldn't offer advice about being with this guy or not, but what I will say is that issues that aren't dealt with do not go away. They do resurface, and usually with a fury. For your sake, and for that of your children, I hope that you will find out exactly what your boyfriend's problem is. Just because he seems alright now, it just may be that whatever was bothering him is sitting on a back burner for a while. I dont want you to be hurt anymore than you have to be. We single moms have all had more pain and surprises than we deserve as it is!
Good luck :)
Amy
Sounds like your kids are fantastic and they just want you to be happy. They are probably feeling anxiety that you aren't happy and are trying to help you carry on like normal.
I think that should be your priority. Carry on like normal and let that guy go. He sounds like a flake. Pushing your buttons one day and then trying to be nice the next day. The being nice part hurts all the more because just when you think he'll be good to you, he will stab you in the back again.
You might be addicted to him in a way. We've all been there. You don't believe me now, but when you finally get over this guy you will be so very happy. You'll look back and think.....geez, why did I put up with that crap?
Best wishes.
Tricia
THank you both for your input. Yes, my kids are fantastic and with the nicer weather finally here, I have been focusing on them and doing things with them alot more. My bf has been joining us as well, but it is always up to him. I plan things with the kids and we invite him and he has the option to decline, but he has taken us up on the offer more than he has in months, bowling, batting cages, ice cream etc. He took the two boys to work with him this weekend and they had a great time. He wants to take them to the mall next weekend and do something for their birthdays.
I've learned to take it one day at a time, best as possible. If and when he decides to disrespect me again, that will be the last day he is here. I have no doubts in my mind about that.
Addiction? Yeah, you're probably right about that one, Tricia, but Love is a very powerful drug. I know I can stand on my own and will be ok eventually if he calls it quits or as I said, takes me for granted again and disrespects me, but I believe in forgiveness. I have forgiven him twice. Will not go for three as I also believe in three strikes, you're history!
Hope all is well with you both and thanks again.
Shimie