UPDATE...he won't leave
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| Wed, 08-16-2006 - 11:46am |
Thank you all for your support...
First I had the courage to stand up for myself and tell him (not yell) how I really felt, I told him that I loved him and tried to love him even when he didn't want to be loved. I have now lost the fight- now that he says he's ready his actions still don't show. I have told him that I am willing to give up everything in order to move on with my life. I just wanted him to hear me express my feelings in a calm manner. I am still staying with my parents and things are calming down. I still trying to get used to living with them...I plan on moving out in a couple of months, I want to rent an apartment or house, so my kids and I can have our time together as a family and I'm sure my parents would like the peace and quite back in their house,HAHA.
Well this past weekend I met up with that special someone from before and it was amazing, we just clicked. I haven't been this happy in a long time, there was no pressure just us to being ourselves. This guy is so amazing...I am just so excited about our weekend together. We decided that we would like to continue to see each other and see what happens from there...we both agreed to take it slow and really get to know each other.I expressed my stand on any new relationship and my kids and how the two will not combine any time in the near future. My kids need their space and time to adjust to what has happened between their mommy and daddy, even though this has been over for a long time. I love my babies too much to see them hurt. I will keep both seperate until I see right and that won't be for sometime. He totally agreed and understood where I was coming from because he also has a son from a previous relationship.
Yesterday I spoke to a long lost girl friend that I had tried to avoid for the last two years when EX was locked up...it was more of me being embarssed for his actions. Come to find out she had a very hard time about a year ago when her husband of 10 years left her...he needed time to think and be single. Everything she told me I had already lived through...now she has taken him back and is not happy because gets mad and doesn't want to be with her. So now I at least know that I can turn to a true friend who understands what I have been through. Just like I do here. It is getting much easier and the days seem more calmer.
Hopefully some day I find the happiness that I think...I know I deserve.
