Updates, good and bad

Avatar for comountainsprite
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Updates, good and bad
3
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 3:42pm

I haven't posted in a little while so thought I'd get up to date. The thing with my ex is sort of resolved. After a lot of talking and talking to ex's brother and working it out in our heads, we are going to allow him to see dd in our home while dh is home. Dh talked to ex and made it crystal clear that he didn't want to hear any excuses or explanations because he wouldn't believe them anyway and that bottom line is that we didn't feel that dd was safe in his care. And that any visitation would take place only on our terms and don't even think about trying to take it to court because then he'd likely be in worse shape with visitation than he is right now and ex totally agreed. And whenever possible, he'll visit when dh can be there but when I can't. And also made it clear that he shouldn't try to get dd to put pressure on us by trying to tell her stuff because then we will have to explain the whole ugly truth.

Anyway, so that is settled. The next hurtle for us came up on Monday. Long story short, because of a whole bunch of polictical backstabbing and just plain out lies, the property managers had to ask dh's company to take him out of his building as a sacrificial lamb to try and pacify one of the tenants so that they didn't follow through on the demand to have the property managers replaced too (they are just the local guys but the company was puting pressure on the regional guys above them). And the company is forcing him to go into a position working 3 p.m.-11:30 p.m. 7 days a week. He'll have days off of course but they won't necessarily fall on the weekends when we're home. So much for family life! We were pretty upset. But it looks like it won't start on that schedule until the end of the month because he has to train with the day guy and he's already made about 3-4 contacts to find another job.

My job is awful and got a major slap in the face yesterday (on my birthday no less). After the tour of the new offices I found out they reserved an office (I'm sharing but that's no big deal) to leave empty for when they hire someone from outside to do the job I'm doing now. So they could not have made it more clear that the acting manager title is so I can do the work, get the mess left by my predecessor cleaned up and then give the job to someone else. Sucks! And worse, the interim executive director just gave me a complete line of bs when I pointed that out to him. But, I'm feeling optimistic. MG and I talked a lot last night and he was just sick about the latest demoralizing thing with my work. Anyway, he turned to me and said, "Do you think we get along well enough to run a business together?" I said yes definitely. Basically if we worked for ourselves and each other, we could count on not getting screwed by unethical decisions by our employer and could make decisions that were right for us and our family.

So, we've got a plan. Basically our plan is to both get new jobs, and start smart and slow with our own business on the side until we've built it enough that gradually we can quit our full time jobs with other employers and work only for ourselves. I'm scared but excited. MG's done this before so he knows how to put together a business plan and how to be successful. He only closed his business the last time because it was too successful and he was going to school and gigging and basically just didn't have enough time for it. The plan is for me to offer editing, proofreading, writing types of services to businesses that need that on an occasional basis and do a lot of the basic office type stuff--basic accounts receivable, accounts payable, etc (although we'll contract with an accountant for anything major) and for dh to eventually be offering mostly facilities consulting and inspection type services. But to get it off the ground, he'll go back to offering some residential HVAC services. And it's heating season here. He has a lot of contacts and the fact is that right now in the middle of heating season, if someone's furnace is broken, they don't want to wait days until the big companies can get out there. Heck, I think I got us our first client today. I mentioned to a woman I work with who is also a good friend and someone I can trust and she said to have him give her a call because she needs her thermostat replaced and a good basic servicing on the furnace. Of course once it takes off we'll have to do more with formalization, right now it's just getting the word out that we're going to be available and building a basis for it. Self employment is scary but can be great if you know how to save and budget for lean times of the year. My ex was self employed at one time so it's not totally foreign territory. Of course it's possible that we'll have trouble finding new jobs in the interim and possible that the whole thing will totally flop but I don't think it will. Anyway, I'm feeling positive and optimistic. It's a plan at least.

So that's my update. Dh did give me beautiful sapphire stud earrings for my birthday which was a huge surprise because I didn't expect anything that big.

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 5:19pm

Happy Happy HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! The earrings sound stunning! I am bummed that I didn't realize your birthday came and went. I am sure I knew somewhere in the back of my mind when it was, but I am terrible at things like that.


On MG's job situation: UGH!!! That just completely and utterly sucks. I am so sorry to hear it. I hope and pray that between now and the end of the month something changes and it doesn't turn into that schedule. Schedules like that are just so hard on a relationship. Of course, if you're talking about new jobs, does he mean BEFORE the end of the month? What's the timeframe, do you think, for both of you to move on?


Andrea, I am just so sorry about your job. That IS a slap in the face. I really thought you would be handed the job, no problem. I can't believe they're doing that to you. Yep, I'd move on. I know you've been there a long time, and you do like your job. BUT, if you're being treated with so little respect then I think they don't deserve you. And they certainly need to be faced w/the reality that when you DO NOT reward employees for work well done, they do not stay. Sounds like your employer's have gotten way too comfortable and assume you will continue to stay regardless of how they treat you.


Sounds like you have a good handle on things with your ex and visitation. STICK WITH IT ANDREA! Do not let him guilt you into more and more time, based on good behavior. You already know he's not capable of sticking to his word. He just can't.


Hang in there hon! Sounds like you're doing very well in spite of the circumstances.

Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 8:33pm

Happy Belated Birthday!!!

I'm so sorry that we missed it!

I feel terrible you're both having such work stress. Seems like a lot of b.s. I think it's great though that you two are working on a positive plan to get out of these jobs and start something great together. If you can work together, you can probably do anything! I know I could never run a business with James. I'd kill him or he'd kill me, haha. But kudos to you two to just saying "enough is enough" and forging on with your future.

The earrings sound lovely! Wow!

Glad also you got something worked out with the ex. Is he seeking any kind of help or do you know?

Hugs
Tara

Avatar for comountainsprite
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 10:55am

Thanks, we're really trying to keep chin up but dangit, what timing. I had to work about 3 hours Sat, and 4 1/2 hours Sunday because of a stupid trade show that I accepted because I thought as the acting director, I ought to do that and thought that would help to show them I could do the job. Instead I ended up feeling like I was just throwing away what little normal family time we had left. Anyway, don't know when MG will be able to get something new but he's trying. He got a call from a friend of his who works for one of the companies that he's talking to and that person is a friend of the VP he's been talking to and said to use his name. And he said that he knew of a building they had the contract on that was going to open up. But we're trying to think of ways to work with the horrible schedule. He can have lunch with me, and said he'd try to get up in the morning before I left and hopefully at least some days before dd leaves for school so he can see her. And when he has days off during the week, he can pick her up from school so they can spend some time together. When he's not here I can't go to sleep anyway so I'll stay up at night until he gets home. Just stinks but gotta pay the bills.

I stayed home late today since I have to work until 8 and I'm submitting resumes too but it's not the best time to be looking and especially with dh's work situation and the mortgage absolutely can't afford to make any less than now. MG looks so sad a lot of the time and we're trying so hard to get into the holiday spirit--a time that the whole time we've been together has been absolutely wonderful for us-- and instead much of the time it just feels like we're carrying around a weight. But thank you for your support. It does help. Wish us luck.