Into Us or ME part 2...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Into Us or ME part 2...
5
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 4:13pm
Well, hello girls! This week was week 6 of dating the UPS man. And you know what, I just don't think he is the "one", but I learned a lot from him!! First and foremost, my little boy who just turned 2 has been sick off and on basically since we started dating. Getting 2 year molars, flus, fevers, bad coughs and colds; you name it. So my boy has needed a lot of my time and energy. But not that I would wish any sickness on the baby, but it showed me that he is not all that supportive. One, he drinks a lot on the weekends; e.g. he went away for a festival on memorial day weekend and couldn't see me on memorial day because of a hangover. WEAK!! (ha ha). Plus, I brought up the subject of meeting my child, which I explained just once in awhile while we are still getting to know each other, but maybe to the park or ice cream...it is summer and I don't get to see the baby much as it is as I work full time. And he agreed, but still didn't pursue, in fact he asked me to do something on Sunday just us two and he knows I won't have the baby Saturday as he is with his dad. But all in all I don't think I am overreacting; it's a gut feeling. When I have talked about the baby's sickness on the phone, I don't get even a "sorry to hear that" or "I hope he feels better". All I hear in his tone is disappointment that he can't see me. And when we talk about the situation he says "I knew what I was getting into" (meaning me being a single mom). But you know what, I feel like I have to try too hard at everything, and it's a crappy feeling. I haven't told him this yet, because my best friend says maybe it is because he doesn't have kids or any nieces/nephews he just doesn't know how to respond. But I think that being sensitive and supportive should come natural. Michelle
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 4:21pm

The guy you are dating probably doesn't want to meet your child. He doesn't want to have to be a father figure or get involved with you that way. I'm sure he figures that your kid has a dad and he wants to date you when you're free. This is pretty common, especially with men who are not fathers themselves.

The drinking thing would bug me and I'd drop him for that alone. Drinking to the point of a hangover? I'd take a pass on that.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 4:33pm

The guy has red flags all around, but I wouldn't condemn anyone for a hangover. I know myself or girlfriends who have them after two drinks. It depends on the person and how often they drink. If they hardly ever drink then it effects their system quickly. Especially smoking and age on top of that. I can't party like I once did and I have to regret it 3 days later if I do. It doesn't make a bad person, just means I went over my limit and should know better the next time.

Having said that. Still, your gut feeling is right and you should pass on the guy. Especially in regards to your son. That just ticks me off. It is also frequent, but not the norm, that a man without kids can't be a great father figure. I know quite a few on this board who had or have partners that were great with their kids. Even my guy who has no kids, but is dying to have some, shows interest in the children at all times. He has talked about them, asked about them and can't wait for me to get to NC to do stuff with them. Sooooooooo, I am glad you are going with your gut and taking a pass on him, because sweetie, your RIGHT! NEXT!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 4:49pm

Hi Michelle,

Go with your gut - sounds like he is not the one and you already know it. You are a package deal. The right guy will be into both of you and you will know it. Even without a kit this one doesn't sound very good.

Isn't it funny how kids can have such crazy timing - I symptathize with how needy your two year old is being - I remember those days. You should like a great mommy!!

Stay here and post with us.

And send the UPS man off to China!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 12:26pm
Well, it was a good lesson learned. My best advice to everyone else is follow your gut feeling/intuition. The first time he came over to my place my son was in bed, and as I said before he has been sick a lot lately. But I thought he'd be okay since he had slept all night the 2 nights prior. Well sure enough after only one half hour, he woke up crying. I said to my friend I am so sorry but I have to go take care of him. His response was "Don't worry about it" and nothing else said was out the door. I talked with women close to me and they said maybe he was just uncomfortable, but really he could have said something nicer, like I hope he feels better. The bottom line is I need someone supportive of me in my life. --Thanks for reading!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 12:28pm
Oh, one more thing!! As far as drinking goes, I can have one glass of wine and have a hangover. In his case, he drank for three days straight at a convention, came back Monday and was not well enough to spend the holiday with me. So obviously he was more worried about himself than seeing me!