Venting...thanks for listening

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Venting...thanks for listening
11
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 12:43pm

Ok, I’m probably making something out of nothing and most you ladies have much bigger issues but I need to vent…


Cat

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 12:53pm

Same boat with you on this one. My DD comes home without fail every sunday and by monday shes got a full blow diaper rash from her weekend diet and/or lack of sleep. I had to fly out of work on monday to pick her up from daycare because she vomited (again this is because shes a shoveler) But the women at her DC turned to me and said "you know not for anything come every monday this poor little thing is dealing with something" I attribute this to her not getting enough rest on Saturday night and having a poor diet. I think my ex CP (carrot pants) gave her a bath this weekend and didnt rince the soap out of her hair because it was really greasy and stringy. Ive told him time and again not to bother bathing her since she gets one saturday mornings before she goes and gets one sunday night for daycare on monday and yet he doesnt listen. I did get her clothes back this weekend with a HUGE ORANGE stain down the front of her pjs that for the life of me I cannot get out. SO i guess what Im getting at is youre not alone. Ive been advised to get notes from her dr. and give written directions...Speak to your atty and see what he says I guess...Im at a loss myself :0(


M

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 2:04pm
Why are they so ridiculous?
Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 2:16pm
Sorry you are going through this. I dont know whether you saw my post from last week but since my child ( age 9) has a grandmother who insists he is never being cleaned enough at home and bullies him into being bathed BY her, I have rescinded her right to see him without supervision because she puts her needs above his. She is currently I am sure very pissed at me but she has nobody to blame but herself.
I would consider going to a doctor and having them write out something along the lines of a preventative for her infections or irritations so that it is in writing from a medical professional and states clearly that he is to give no bubblebaths, how he IS to wash her, and that he is to use specific detergents if he washes her clothes. Then if he refuses he is in direct violation of a dr's paper, not just you. This will give you some ground to stand on should you need to refuse visitation because of his lack of thinking.
These exes are such jerks. I would be so tempted to tell him that until he grew a vagina ( and he does sound a bit like a pu*** to me by his behavior but thats not exactly the same) he needs to do as you say. That is after all your area of expertise and if it werent for this part of you, he would have no daughter at all. Sorry if that sounded harsh!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 2:17pm

I would not like what he is doing either if I was you.

I wonder, however, if he is being defensive because he thinks/feels you are criticizing him and that is really the reaction someone like him is going to have. I wonder if there is a way you can work around him so she stays more comfortable - because that is what matters.

I would say something like - if you do bathe her, please let her take a shower. And here is some ointment/powder to put on afterwards. Thanks - she always has fun with you and this is what we are doing to work on this problem.

I think your message is important but you will have to work on its delivery so he receives it better - sounds like he has ego issues. Sorry you have to deal with that.

As for laundry - can you just wash it over? That is going to be easier than bugging him about that - I think you have to pick your battles. And right now if it was me I would pick the rash.

My counselor told me - you have to manage your exh so he feels like an important parent and wants to stay in the kids life and pay child support. So, with that in mind, I do deal with him a lot better. I don't know if that can help you somehow.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 2:22pm

I totally agree with citylife! Go to the doctors and get something written. Directions of how to bathe a female.....


GEESH, what a idiot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 2:44pm

Thank you so much for your input.

Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 2:56pm
The delivery is important. Sometimes I feel it is ridiculous - but it always works when I word how important he is - and really he is - kids love their dads!!
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 4:09pm

Wow.. so wise of you to be able to know and practice that Judy!


I get so caught up in the right-wrong/anger emotion/ego thing that I lose sight of what I want to achieve and what is best for the child/situation.


Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 5:58pm

Mark:


"I get so caught up in the right-wrong/anger emotion/ego thing that I lose sight of what I want to achieve and what is best for the child/situation."


I'm so with you on this.

Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 03-13-2008 - 1:35am
I was in the ER with dd last nite for the same thing!

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