What I probably would have done when she asked me to see who was calling and you discovered the number and several text messages was to confront her right then and there.
<<<< but I am surprised that a year after a guy breaks up with a girl, and he is using that phone himself, that he would not have erased or replaced the outgoing message.>>>>
Maybe he's technically challenged. I haven't even set up my voicemail and I've had my cell for over a year.
At my age anymore, I just don't take the time to beat around the bush anymore. If there is something bothering me, I just confront whoever with whatever it is.
I think you have to ask her about her contact with him - if you saw and told her it was him calling that is fine enough reason to ask. Perhaps he is flirting and she is enjoying the attention but not any more than that?
I don't think it is a big deal that his cell phone has her voice - he probably doesn't know that. I mean, how many people call their own cell phone and leave a voice message.
You are asking good questions. It is great she wants you to get to know her kids - I think you two can stand to talk more about the kids, the commitment and what you mean to each other.
Take your time and see how it all goes. The walk down the aisle doesn't ever have to be a race.
Hey its me. Using a different name. I'm not buying completely the "technically challenged thing." After a year of having the cell phone, which is NOT his primary phone, he appears to be using it to call and text her and her alone. She has the number named in her contact list, so its not like a random thing. When that number calls or texts its clear who it is. In doing a little more digging, seems he called her and immediately hung up (zero call time on the counter.) She calls back within three minutes. I had called her just before old bf and she didn't get back to me for hours. She had texted me later in the day with a message that said, "Sorry I didn't call or text earlier. I've been busy at work. I want to cuddle you." Not too busy to call back old boyfriend, but too busy to even send me the cute little text she sent hours later?
I know that a confrontation is in the near future. A friend of mine said "suspicion alone will destroy all relationships and if you have suspicion then there is no trust. Nowadays you can live and hide a second life so easy, with the internet, cell phones and computers, that if you are going to have a real, honest and good relationship there must be extra or over transparency." This friend is very wise.
For me I tend to be very cautious with anyone (since I was one of them) that is just out or in the process of getting out of a long term relationship especially a marriage. I do not want to be the first one after that. There is a lot of truth about the drawbacks of being on the rebound. Dr. Joy Browne talks about the person needs to be out on their own (i.e. without dating/partner) a year after the divorce papers are signed.
Again from personal experience, I know that despite all the personal inner work I have done on myself and my marriage and thought I'd be ready for a relationship right after my divorce I experienced the truth of maturing/experiencing of being on my two feet without relationship. I think we all look for that "not my previous relationship" partner as the next remedy.
Nine months is the standard time for people to know each other well enough to move forward or not. I have nothing to add insofar as the cell phone thing. I just would be cautious and give the relationship more time.
Pages
Thanks.
First, she was unavailable to answer a
What I probably would have done when she asked me to see who was calling and you discovered the number and several text messages was to confront her right then and there.
<<<< but I am surprised that a year after a guy breaks up with a girl, and he is using that phone himself, that he would not have erased or replaced the outgoing message.>>>>
Maybe he's technically challenged. I haven't even set up my voicemail and I've had my cell for over a year.
At my age anymore, I just don't take the time to beat around the bush anymore. If there is something bothering me, I just confront whoever with whatever it is.
AMEN.
I think you have to ask her about her contact with him - if you saw and told her it was him calling that is fine enough reason to ask. Perhaps he is flirting and she is enjoying the attention but not any more than that?
I don't think it is a big deal that his cell phone has her voice - he probably doesn't know that. I mean, how many people call their own cell phone and leave a voice message.
You are asking good questions. It is great she wants you to get to know her kids - I think you two can stand to talk more about the kids, the commitment and what you mean to each other.
Take your time and see how it all goes. The walk down the aisle doesn't ever have to be a race.
Hey its me. Using a different name. I'm not buying completely the "technically challenged thing." After a year of having the cell phone, which is NOT his primary phone, he appears to be using it to call and text her and her alone. She has the number named in her contact list, so its not like a random thing. When that number calls or texts its clear who it is. In doing a little more digging, seems he called her and immediately hung up (zero call time on the counter.) She calls back within three minutes. I had called her just before old bf and she didn't get back to me for hours. She had texted me later in the day with a message that said, "Sorry I didn't call or text earlier. I've been busy at work. I want to cuddle you." Not too busy to call back old boyfriend, but too busy to even send me the cute little text she sent hours later?
I know that a confrontation is in the near future. A friend of mine said "suspicion alone will destroy all relationships and if you have suspicion then there is no trust. Nowadays you can live and hide a second life so easy, with the internet, cell phones and computers, that if you are going to have a real, honest and good relationship there must be extra or over transparency." This friend is very wise.
For me I tend to be very cautious with anyone (since I was one of them) that is just out or in the process of getting out of a long term relationship especially a marriage. I do not want to be the first one after that. There is a lot of truth about the drawbacks of being on the rebound. Dr. Joy Browne talks about the person needs to be out on their own (i.e. without dating/partner) a year after the divorce papers are signed.
Again from personal experience, I know that despite all the personal inner work I have done on myself and my marriage and thought I'd be ready for a relationship right after my divorce I experienced the truth of maturing/experiencing of being on my two feet without relationship. I think we all look for that "not my previous relationship" partner as the next remedy.
Nine months is the standard time for people to know each other well enough to move forward or not. I have nothing to add insofar as the cell phone thing. I just would be cautious and give the relationship more time.
Mark
She's not interested in her ex, they are EX'S for a reason!
Pages