Visitation update ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Visitation update ...
52
Fri, 06-06-2008 - 12:09pm

Things have been going well so far.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 11:13am

" These are LONG standing, dysfunctional, manipulative, CRUEL men who have taken the love that these women once gave them, & used it to their advanatge. They controlled these women, brutalized them & had no remorse."

Yes, you get it. Thanks for your rational post on this subject. I refrain from responding to those whose posts are reactionary and overly defensive, glad you took the time to do so. One can disagree without all the venom or taking the responses that don't agree with yours as an attack. I call that being a grown up.

My X doesn't deserve anyone's pity. If there is some politically correct movement out there on treating cruel, evil people with respect, well sorry, I'll just have to be politically incorrect. I gotta find some way to laugh about the insanity, calling my X PsychoBoy is, in my opinion, being generous. If some iVil members find Rlch's posts, or mine for that matter, offensive or irritating, then why are they reading them?

Keep posting, we need rational input.

QB

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 1:01pm

My X doesn't deserve anyone's pity. If there is some politically correct movement out there on treating cruel, evil people with respect, well sorry, I'll just have to be politically incorrect.


You won't be the only one being politically

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 1:13pm
Wow, you rock!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 1:15pm
EXACTLY what I was about to post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 1:32pm

My relationship with my child is my responsibility is mine, the fathers responsibility is his. I would not be paying for counseling for him, presents from him, food during his visitation etc. this is dysfunctional. If he wants help, let him get it. Abusers have little hope of changing and if they do, they have to seek it, not be forced into it with their ex wife paying. Follow the law I say and protect your kid. But when you attempt to "help" your ex as much as rebecca has, it goes into dysfunctional and controlling, the other side of the coin. It's not PC to say it, but I can definitely say, often both partners in an abusive relationship have controlling personalities. Not that this means abuse is ok, or that the person who is abusive should not be punished legally. But in this situation, I see two controlling people(rebecca and ex) engaging each other, one abusive man, and a poor child in the middle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 1:35pm
Your last paragraph summed it up, that's all I meant, rebecca's attempts at "helping" him gives him the negative attention he thrives on and keeps this whole thing going. And I do believe if she keeps it up, he can keep it up too and they will spin their wheels for ten years. Also, no I don't believe abusers can change, but I do believe if she stops engaging him, he'll find a new target for his abuse, because that's what abusers do. If he sees that rebecca no longer reinforces him, that takes the incentive away from being abusive towards their daughter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 1:39pm
Yes I did it because I cared, and my heart went out to this little girl too. I know there are other of us lurkers who see this. I don't think it's necessarily caring to get "support" that reinforces you in a dysfunctional situation. For everyone: yes I believe this man is abusive and no I don't believe he will change but I believe rebecca can stop engaging him and he will find a new target once the attention no longer comes from rebecca. Of course he will, abusers can't live without a target and if you refuse to be one, they'll find another.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 1:46pm
When you're so focused on the negative, there's little room for the positive.I truly have concern in my heart. I have a loving relationship, going towards marriage and a child very soon, it's not perfect but it's not abusive and I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. I truly know what it's like to have a man love you, take care of you, be there for you in every way. And my kids are doing great. They've all taken a great turnaround. And my ex was as bad if not worse than rebecca's.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 1:48pm
I'm a regular at the stepmoms board and the stepmoms bio moms debate and the making a second marriage work. I lurk on numerous other boards.My life isn't perfect. Our relationship is loving and we get along great, but our issues revolve around stepkids and blending. We have argued about that and things haven't always gone smoothly. We've been doing better lately.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 3:04pm
Wow...amazing what a rosie pair of lenses will do for some people. Speaking from experience - escaping an abuser is not as easy as simply "stopping to engage them". What a LOAD of horse crap. I am not proud of my less than shining dating past but from a woman who had to pack up in the middle of the night, move three states away to escape a controlling, physically abusive (a broken back, bruised kidneys, three broken ribs and numerous bruises on ONE occasion to speak of) jacka$$. I lived in hiding for 2 years and he found me. I had an