The waiting is the hardest part...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
The waiting is the hardest part...
16
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:21pm

... every day see one more card, you take it on faith, you take it to the heart, the waiting is the hardest part.

An update on my weekend and recent life. Still no word from Boss or Double D. Still not surprised. Boss has been signed into the messenger we use, and has checked my OLD profile regularly. However, he hasn't contacted me, so I've written him off. I have too much to do to sit around waiting for him.

Double D still approaches me at work to make inane conversations that are completely non-work related- but he is friendly, not flirty, which is typical of his behavior from the get-go, so it's hard to tell if he's trying to give me some sort of sign. He will either ask me out again or we'll be friends. Not a big deal, in fact, not sure I'd want to get too involved with Double D anyhow, since work and play don't always mix that well, and we work at a rumor mill.

Cardio and I have been Iming several times a day and are still talking on the phone nearly every day. He's always the caller, he intiates the IMs, and he asks regularly when we can meet. I expect we'll go to lunch one day this week and see how it goes. Not sure if I said much about him, but he's a divorced father of three, he's 44, and he's definitely got the personality so far that I'm compatible with. My humor tends to be sarcastic and dry, and he can not only handle it, but truly appreciate it. I don't have to explain myself- nor do I feel compelled to- with Cardio. He moved to this area about 8 months ago for work, and is enjoying it.

I'm still trying not to place too much emphasis on Cardio- given my very recent track record, initial impressions might not mean all that much, and the amount of time I spend talking to a guy obviously doesn't mean anything- not everyone's as honest and upfront as I am, and some people I think are simply confused. I'm not confused about myself or what I want, and we'll see if Cardio turns into anything.

My cousin is now regularly telling me about her boyfriend's friend. He didn't end up coming out with him, so I haven't met him yet. My major concerns were that guys my age typically live a WHOLLY different lifestyle, but evidently he has two kids a little younger than mine, and is looking for a serious relationship. I might have a game night or something Friday with my cousin, her boyfriend, and whomever they choose to bring along. We'll see. I'm trying to keep an open mind, and continue to put myself out there, so to speak.

Let's see... we're all home today, the kids are both too ill to go to school but not too ill to drive me nuts. Saturday I took the Princess with me shopping- two of my girlfriends came with their children, so in all we had 5 kids 5 and under- holy moly was that a LOT of work! Yesterday had to run a few errands, then Droid got home and was ill, so we hung out, visited my parents, and just tried to relax.

I did spend more time than normal proactively utilizing the OLD website- I normally sign up, fill it out, and wait to see who initiates contact. I've been perusing profiles, though, and although I haven't yet initiated any contact, I'm floored by the amount of men who openly say they're just looking for sex. I'm actually wishing more men who were would just say that, since then people looking for more than that can move on without wasting any time with those guys. I almost want to contact one of them and ask if his honesty has been successful for him- but I wouldn't want him to think I was interested in a relationship like that! But I'm going to continue to search now, instead of simply waiting for the guy to come to me.

I guess you're all updated now on my life the last couple of days.

Moody, trying to remember that patience is a virtue


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 12:32pm

That reminds me of what a couple guys said at the party this past saturday. Well, two of the single guys got "booty calls." And were'nt shy about sharing. So they left the party. And the other guys were "woohoo" for them. But I said, ya know it just isn't the same for girls. If we get a booty call, then it means the guy has no respect for us. But I suppose if I really think about it, now I have less respect for them. One of the guys, I had a crush on, too. So now I've written him off, since i see what he's after.

I feel what your saying,
LB

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 1:27pm

That is progress, Moody!! I mean, you just wrote off two that aren't motivated for more. And you have 2 more in the wings!! The cousin's friend sounds intriguing since you are both the same age with kids and it is quite good if he is looking!! Keep us posted on that one!!

And the guy who is IMing you sounds nice, too. Always good when THEY are initiating contact for sure.

You must be up the wall with the kids home - hope you survive the day. I do know that is hard. The mall story is funny!!

I hope you do email those guys on OLD to ask if that works. At least they are honest. But I cannot imagine too many women would want such an arrangement. I think a lot of them on OLD are like that -they just want what is good for themselves I guess. Keyboards should come with a NEXT key!!

Keep us posted - always love to read your stories!!

I got to chat with one guy at a race this weekend but he was wanting ME to come to more of HIS races. I don't think THAT arrangement is so appealing for me - but at least I got a fun chat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 3:04pm

Loony, I actually disagree with your take on booty calls. I don't think two consenting adults agreeing to have a strictly sexual relationship is lacking in respect at all.

In fact, I've been in such situations in the past, and they worked out well for both of us. The thing is, both parties have to be absolutely certain that sex is ALL they want from the other person. And I think that if a woman is feeling disrespected it's because she really wants more than just sex, and that particular guy doesn't, or at least not with her. That's HER problem, since unless he's been stringing her along, she knew getting into it that sex was all there was. I don't regret the times I've had a FWB, and since it was always mutual, and always honest, I never felt disrespected. I also called the shots as often as the man, and it was always me who ended the Benefits part of our relationship, usually because I had met someone I wanted to pursue a real relationship with. I'm still friends with the guys, but I know we wouldn't work as an actual couple.

I also think there's some truth to the fact that women typically place more emphasis emotionally on sex than men do- but not all women, and not with all men. Some women can handle booty calls and FWB situations, others can't. Knowing which type you are BEFORE you get into one certainly helps keep you from getting hurt.

I'm not interested in those guys RIGHT NOW, because I want to be in a relationship, and they clearly communicate that they don't. However, there have been times in the past where I might have contacted them. Well, probably not all at the same time, but I would have been open to the possibility. The guys who make me insane are the ones who don't say they're only looking for sex or very casual relationships, then a month later, you find out that that's really all they're prepared to have at this time. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, just be honest about it.

Moody, had her share of FWBs


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 3:19pm

West, I think the guy at the race sounds like he's looking for a cheerleader. Not a problem if you want to be a cheerleader, but is he willing to reciprocate and come cheer you on? Probably not. I have found since becoming more active and athletic that men seem to want praise and validation for all of their hard work- be it from a woman or their buddies or family, whomever, while women seem to do it for much more personal reasons, whether it's simply enjoyment, weight loss, etc. We don't really need the ego boost the way men do, although being told how hot we are isn't bad, either!

I also made a date this afternoon for Saturday with another OLD guy, we'll call him Golfer for simplicities' sake. He's 30, works second shift and lives almost an hour from me. Obviously moving slowly with Golfer won't be an issue, since setting up the first date took three weeks.

But I have decided in my newly proactive mindset that hemming and hawing and putting off dates isn't going to get me anywhere. I'm not signed up on a penpal website, I'm signed up on a dating one. I've decided that if I am not completely repulsed by a guy's profile, an initial phone conversation and/or IMs, I'll agree to meet him. This still make take time to engineer, since weeknights aren't really ever good for me, and there are only so many hours on the weekend to squeeze everything in, but having made the decision to try more men out, I already feel more available.

So, in recap, probable lunch date with Cardio sometime this week, dinner date with Golfer Saturday night, and possible meet and greet with Cousin's Buddy sometime this weekend.

I'm not sure I can handle any more men than these three, but I'm sure at least one of them will have been eliminated by this time next week. I really can't see myself wanting to see where it might go with three or more guys at a time- it would simply be too exhausting, never mind confusing, and since I don't want to casually date anymore, it wouldn't make sense to keep them all on the line.

Moody, learning not only to bait the hook, but also catch and release


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 3:19am

Hi Moody,

Thank you for the update. Good for you, with all those dates lined up!

Has Brown-Eyed Girl said anything about Boss? Or don't you want to get her involved? I am still reeling from that one; I find it totally unbelievable.

I am with you on the flings issue. Flings can be fun as long as both parties concerned know that's all there is to it. There are guys I have had flings with that I would run a mile from a relationship with, and vice-versa. I think we've all been there actually. Usually the feeling is mutual, and I think only once a guy was disappointed that I didn't want a commitment to him.

Good luck to you in your continued weeding process.

Clem xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 8:35am

Clemmy, I haven't asked Brown-Eyed-Girl anything about Boss. She's more florred by his behavior than I am, but all I said was that he never called. A mutual friend ran into him the other night, and Brown Eyed Girl had told her we were planning a couple of dates. The mutual friend asked him about me, and the dates, and Bodd told her that he never called me after the second date- that I wasn't his type.

Evidently the mutual friend told him he was acting like a creep for not calling, and walked away. This is all reported through Brown Eyed Girl, and it isn't news, really. I'm surprised he admitted to simply not ever calling after saying he would, but then I suppose he's intelligent enough to know that if he lied, his friends would have found out, since they're also my friends.

I basically knew all of this, and it didn't come as a surprise. I am glad he figured out this early that I wasn't his type, since I had nothing to lose. I'm also now thinking he obviously wasn't my type, either. My type does what he says he will. So, onward and upward.

I am talking to several guys- I need a flow chart to organize my life! it would have to be a white-erase flow chart, though, since a lot of the men get erased rather quickly. It has been keeping me entertained, though.

Moody, sharpening her sharpies


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 10:33am

Oooooooooooh - I am so MAD at that Boss guy for being so rude. I think I am madder than you are. It would be bad enough, and ignorant enough even if he didn't know your friend, but in the circumstances I think it is EVEN WORSE.

He would SO get a piece of my mind if I could see him. It's guys like this that give the good ones a bad reputation.

I will get over it... lol

Clem - FUMING
xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 11:15am

He is more the type for a female donkey.

It is no loss to you - sorry you had to go through that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 5:41pm
Juggling 3 guys was my limit for sure. And keeping 3 guys in the loop made it easier when one of them flaked out. Remember, if I hadn't been in date-anyone-who-asks (unless totally repulsive or stalkerish) mode, I'd never given M a chance and missed out on something really great. At least have some fun, you may never hear from the guy again, but you're out there and giving yourself opportunities.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 7:53pm

Wow - this is a very good tidbit here, Queenbun!!

Why do you say you never would have given M a chance? Tell us more!

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