Waiting for me to ask...?
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| Thu, 01-11-2007 - 11:30pm |
Ok, I've had 1 meeting and 1 "date" with guy #2 (the more sensitive one)--He was very nervous at 1st meeting, and less nervous at 1st date. I like him, we have similar backgrounds, similar interests, etc. So, our first date was great--we had a lot to talk about, the silences were comfortable, and the time passed way too quickly. (This was last Saturday afternoon). I sent him an e-mail thanking him for lunch (which I quickly regretted sending...another story...), and when I heard back from him he said how he enjoyed my company and it was fun talking with me. (alluded to something he would do "next time", and "Let me know when you are up for something else".
Is this a clear-cut case of wait and see...? I don't want to discourage him by not saying anything, but want to appear a little hard to get. **and remember I'm not dating these men to find the love of my life--I just want to have some male companionship!**
I seem to be having a bit of this with guy # 1 also. They both want me to tell them when I can get a babysitter. BTW, both have never dated women with kids! And both are receptive to me telling them what works. I just haven't addressed this backwards style of asking me out. I'm trying to be clear that I am available, and can get a sitter, but I need a few days (or more) notice. Could it be because I have my daughter full time? Guy #1 doesn't seem ambivalent, but uses the same words. I'm the one who has to say "what night did you have in mind?"

I had a guy do that to me, too recently. He said call me whenever you want to go for coffee. And I said, I can make time for you whenever you want to go - just call - that would be fun and I would like to do that. I have neighbors and friends that can watch my son so that isn't a problem for me. Perhaps you could say that is great I am available most weekends whenever you want to go - just give me a little notice and that would be fun.
The thing is that all he wanted to do is to call and blab forever on what I thought he should do about his athletic training and racing. He was a marathon runner and ran so obsessively he ruined his legs. So he wanted to do a different sport with biking and swimming.
I really don't think he was looking for a date - I think he was looking for a different athletic obsession. To be nice, I suggested a good local coach who would help him - someone sort of like who he was using for his running. He didn't get the hint and continued to leave messages saying I would love to talk to you about my training.
I do know that he had a horrible marriage and divorce - so I don't think he is ready to date. And I am too busy to talk about his training with him. So I stopped taking his calls. I feel I gave him a chance with a lot of calls and a bike ride - but cannot just keep going like that.
Sorry to blab - but I hope the way I handled that helps you - and that yours do ask you to do something again!!
Mary, I go through the same thing. When I'm not ambivalent about the guy, it's very easy for me to decide that I'll get a sitter on a specific night, and even sometimes make the plans, once I'm sure he wants to go out.
But the guys I am meeting through OLD, (which isn't really going very well for me) I find are less likely to just ask me out for a specific thing at a specific time. I get a lot of ... when are you free's, and we should do something sometime's. It can be frustrating, especially if I'm not altogether sure I even want to go through the effort of meeting the guy- and then for me to have to do all of the planning just puts me off meeting at all.
But, that's just me. I would say wait a day or two to email Sensitive Guy back, and make it clear that you would be up for another date if you are, but make him do the specific asking and planning.
Moody, not great at being a planner
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I vote for putting the ball back in their court. Like Moody said, make sure they know you can get a sitter and wait for them to ask you out.
Do you live near a major city? The reason I ask is because men in my area, who are natives, are so ambivalent about dating. Really, i'm surprised that people coule up where I live. The men will throw out vague statements like, "Let's do lunch sometime." You're left wondering what the heck that means. It's so open-ended.
My SO is not from here and I think this is why we get along so well. We're both from the Midwest where people are not afraid of making definite plans.
"We're both from the Midwest where people are not afraid of making definite plans."
LOL
I know what you mean. I was born and bred in Northern MN and I know Minnesotans make plans, they don't always follow them, but they like to think ahead.
I moved out west to get my PhD and the dating scene was so Loosey goosey, I couldn't stand it!!! I never knew what any guy actually meant!
Now I am back in the midwest, but farther south and things feel normal again! Whew...
Any way, back to the original poster, I am glad you are having fun dating. It is healthy to get it in circulation. I wouldn't get to concerned with making him ask if you are just in it for fun. If you just want fun, try taking the lead and doing the pursuit if you want a date. See what it feels like... experiment! JMHO. But keep in mind, I am still single when taking my advice. Yikes!
Hmmm - you know what?