waiting by the phone
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waiting by the phone
| Sat, 03-19-2005 - 3:21am |
Well, today is my birthday(it's actually like 3 am here-so later today is my birthday) I went out with some girls from work and got drunk-really drunk. I still feel buzzed-and not much else.
I asked the guy at work out and we have been fliting big time at work. I try to stay away from him, but it's so hard. He told me I am magnetic. He comments on my eyes and how cute I am. He calls me strawberry b/c I dye my hair red. He says things like he just wants to hold me. So he said we could go out this weekend. I gave him my phone number and he asked when he should call. I told him and went home and (dummy me!) waited by the phone. Guess what-he never called. You saw that one coming, right? I didn't. So, I tried to stay cool at work the next day. I mean, did I really expect him to call with how undecided he has been?
So, he told me he forgot my number on his desk(he's a maintenance guy-I didn't know he had a desk!) Then, he made it sound like he would call that night. Nothing. But there I was waiting by the phone again. I feel like such a dope. He is supposed to pick me up tomorrow for "going out" it's not even a date. I guess I should just save myself the trouble and plan on him not being here!
The girls I was out with said he wants to get with me, but he thinks I want a relationship and he isn't ready for that. So, he is he just playing with me? I feel so stupid. I have been in that position before. You would think I could recognize the signs!
He knew where we would be tonight. He said he would try to make it. No show. I guess he isn't as reliable as I thought he was. It's good he wasn't there though. If he had been and had just asked I probably would have given him everything.
But, I guess fools never learn. I know that if by some miracle he actually shows tomorrow, I will not only go out with him, I will be completely captivated by whatever he tells me. I will be so into him that I won't care one way or another if he feels the same way for me or not.
I am so stupid. Dumb. That's it. Why can't I find a guy who wants me for me and not what I can do for him? Is that what I really want? I can't wait until my first therapy appt. Maybe with some help, I can get to the bottom of this and have a normal healthy realtionship. Until then, I am just gonna finish my drink and go to bed.
Thanks for letting me vent. I will update you as I get info.
All the Best,
Jean
I asked the guy at work out and we have been fliting big time at work. I try to stay away from him, but it's so hard. He told me I am magnetic. He comments on my eyes and how cute I am. He calls me strawberry b/c I dye my hair red. He says things like he just wants to hold me. So he said we could go out this weekend. I gave him my phone number and he asked when he should call. I told him and went home and (dummy me!) waited by the phone. Guess what-he never called. You saw that one coming, right? I didn't. So, I tried to stay cool at work the next day. I mean, did I really expect him to call with how undecided he has been?
So, he told me he forgot my number on his desk(he's a maintenance guy-I didn't know he had a desk!) Then, he made it sound like he would call that night. Nothing. But there I was waiting by the phone again. I feel like such a dope. He is supposed to pick me up tomorrow for "going out" it's not even a date. I guess I should just save myself the trouble and plan on him not being here!
The girls I was out with said he wants to get with me, but he thinks I want a relationship and he isn't ready for that. So, he is he just playing with me? I feel so stupid. I have been in that position before. You would think I could recognize the signs!
He knew where we would be tonight. He said he would try to make it. No show. I guess he isn't as reliable as I thought he was. It's good he wasn't there though. If he had been and had just asked I probably would have given him everything.
But, I guess fools never learn. I know that if by some miracle he actually shows tomorrow, I will not only go out with him, I will be completely captivated by whatever he tells me. I will be so into him that I won't care one way or another if he feels the same way for me or not.
I am so stupid. Dumb. That's it. Why can't I find a guy who wants me for me and not what I can do for him? Is that what I really want? I can't wait until my first therapy appt. Maybe with some help, I can get to the bottom of this and have a normal healthy realtionship. Until then, I am just gonna finish my drink and go to bed.
Thanks for letting me vent. I will update you as I get info.
All the Best,
Jean

Jean,
First of all, happy birthday!
Second of all, don't feel so bad about playing the fool. We have all done it.
Thirdly, you don't need to wait until you see a therapist to make the decision to stop waiting by the phone.
Happy Birthday, Jean!!
Don't ever wait by the phone!!
Did you read my St. Pat's evening report - just read the first two pages.
At any rate, you will find the right man for you. This takes 2 things:
1) Patience and time
2) Don't settle - wait until you find one INTO YOU who calls and treats you right. Don't waste time on this one.
Good luck!
Happy birthday!
You need to be upfront with this guy and ask him straight out what he's interested. Say, I'd be interested in going out with you but I'm looking for a relationship, what are you looking for? I guess it's easier when meet someone online, I think it's natural in that case to get a feeling for what the other person wants before you meet them. Not that it did me much good (hasn't gotten me a committment from him) but I did ask my bf before I met him if he was open to marriage and having more children (we each have one child). He said yes with the right person (his ex is set on destroying the father/son bond, so obviously who he has more children with makes a big difference, he doesn't ever want to go through that again).
Even if it's hard to ask, just ask him. You can't know if he is interested in a relationship unless you ask. If you get the answer you don't want, at least you won't waste any more time. He's not playing you if he is *assuming* you just want to have fun and you are just *assuming* he would want more - that is more of a misunderstanding. As to why he's being flakey and saying he'll call and not calling (and not showing up) that is a red flag and don't ignore it.
The easiest way to not wait by the phone is stay busy doing other stuff. When I feel like I'm hoping my bf calls, I just make a list of things I need to do and start on the list. Then if he calls he calls and if he doesn't, I don't feel like I was just waiting.
Beaner2325 here. I changed my username to speckled15 since I don't use the other e-mail anymore and I can't remember my password. I hope that's not a no-no.
Anyway,
I just wanted to update you on the whole witing by the phone issue.
My SIL came over on Saturday and waited with me. I paced like a caged animal-he tends to have that affect on me in general. Anyway, he said 11:30-not here. I kept watching and waiting. Finally at 12, she said she would just take her kids to my brother's and go grocery shopping and she was sorry he didn't show. I was heartbroken. And just as she was caling my brother on her cell phone-he called. My heart about lept into my throat! So, we had a tense conversation and he asked if I wanted to go to his house. So, he gave me directions and I went over.
We had lunch and he paid. I wish I had at least offered to pay for my meal-we went to applebee's so it wasn't cheap. We talked through the whole meal and I had a wonderful time, though I didn't really know how to act. I don't know-it felt like a date and yet not.
On the way back to his house so I could get home and let my SIL go and do what she needed to he said,"Look, I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm not looking for anything right now, and I'm not trying to make you feel like I'm shunning you or anything 'cause I'm not. Any guy would be lucky to have you. You have a lot to offer and you should feel like you're worth something."
I just turned away and said yeah in a sarcastic kind of tone-not a lot, just kind of under my breath in that way like when you want to change a subject.
I know he was trying to let me down easy. I felt fine about it at the time. I thought-fine I can be his friend then and that is great b/c I don't need to feel nervous around him then. But Monday came and he was there and I saw him and I didn't want to accept it. Does that make sense? I rationally think that there are some major red flags with this guy, but emotionally I am wrapped up with him.
I told him the other day that I had thought about putting an ad in the paper just to have someone to talk to, but that I thought it would be disloyal. I feel like I would be somehow throwing away everything I could have with him if I went out(even as friends) with another guy. But then, I want to have my rebound relationship with anyone else so that I could be ok with him and not have to hurt him or be hurt by him. He told me ther isn't any hurry when I told him about wanting to place an ad. I want to scream.
I started therapy. In my first session she asked me to consider that I am not in love with him, but that I just have a deep longing for someone. I think she is right. But how do I move from my emotional state to accepting that he is a sub for something I want? I guess I will have to ask her that tomorrow.
Anyway, a good friend of mine called me tonight and I asked him if,"any guy would be lucky to have you" was the short version of"any guy would be lucky to have you-just not me" and he said "yeah-pretty much"
If I could just rememer all of that-instead of all the sweet things he says-when I see him then I would be fine. There must be a short circuit in my brain!
Thanks again for letting me vent. Is there supposed to be this much of it?
All the Best,
jean