we had the TALK

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
we had the TALK
37
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 8:22pm

Hello,


TG took me out to dinner tonight on my work break... and he flat out asked me if i was dating other guys, too. Phew.. at least i could honestly say "NO".... but i ratted on myself... my overthinking brain feels stupid as **it...


Well, i told him my theory about dating more than one guy at a time.. and said, I haven't since being with you.. but in the past i've dated 2 - 5 guys at a time... yes, i actually said "2 - 5".... he looked shocked.... first he said he couldn't afford to date 2 - 5 women..... then he was quiet... and i finally realized the horrible picture of myself that i just painted.. and I said, "oh but i wasn't sleeping with them all. OMG I'm sorry i made you think that." He said, "you read my mind.. that's exactly what i was thinking"


I still feel stupid that it came across the way it did... I had to back pedal BIG TIME.. and i told him about the book i read 1 1/2 years ago before i started dating again after my divorce... how the book said women should date more than one guy while they are getting to know each of them.... He thought that was bull because he can tell things about a person in the first five minutes... But i said, well as a guy you can call the woman you are interested in.. but as a female, we have to wait so we don't look like we are chasing the guy... so i said, in the past, while i waited, i went out with someone else.. casually.. like just a dinner or something... NOT sex...


I feel like i should have just said, i've slept with over 100 guys (which is NO WHERE the truth but that's how stupid i feel). I think way too hard....


He said guys think the same way as women and wonder if she will call... and I said, "no they don't" I said i thought, if they're interested... they call... simple for a guy..." He said, no, that he was wondering why i didn't call or text him... And I had to confess, that he kinda scared me when he called so much... i was worried that he was a stalker.... He said, you must have had some bad experiences.... he also joked and said, okay then, i'll stop calling you... I said, no keep calling me... I said, the first week it freaked me out, but then i started liking it.... He said, he called because he really liked me... and I said, well, i was hoping that was the reason, but i didn't know. He laughed... and so did i, but I hope i didn't ruin what he thinks of me.. He said it was a great conversation and that he feels he knows me better....


So i hope it was a good talk... gosh it's weird... i have a

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 9:51pm

Yes STOP YOUR BRAIN.

He used the "lol" ... your decision on whether or not you want to go down the path of being light and accepting and loving ... or not.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 10:11pm

Yeah, stop your brain!


I think he meant it as a joke. I think he is trying to show you that the stuff in the talk isn't scaring him away.


But yet you still doubt him??? You get that text and you wonder if he's trying to manipulate you into coming over?? How do you get that, out of that text? (Maybe I'm missing something)


Don't sell yourself so short- into thinking just because he is interested, that he can ONLY be interested because of the sex. That's why I think some of the women here as suggested backing off on the sex part... just so you can start trusting that he is interested in you for YOU, not just for the roll in the hay. It almost seems like you need to be convinced of that, too. You know you are worth more than just a roll for attracting men, don't you?


Hugs, Loony- I wish I could see you relax a bit more about TG and not analyze so much! Give it time, give it space... and let it grow if it's gonna grow.


~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 10:37pm

You all are too kind...


He finally sent a reply saying "i'm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 10:44pm

"I want it to be every night..."


That's a nice sentiment BUT you have children to be responsible for, so remind him gently of that.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 10:47pm

Oh, so now he directly asks you to come over with that text that came before!! I guess you had him pegged...


And he replied.... "I want it to be every night. there is nothing better than waking up next 2 u in the morning, it puts me in a great mood."

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 11:45pm

I called him... he said he didn't mean to scare me with that text... either the "everyday" one or the "teasing" one... He's saying he's just a one woman guy... and he really likes me... and he asked me "what do

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 11:57pm

I am

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 1:05am
YAY!!!! I'm happy you too are a couple now!!!

~~Tiny


You said you couldn't stand to see my heart broken...so when you broke it, did you close your eyes?

~Karen
˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡&#1244
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 11:39am

Yes, i'm happy this morning..... this is my first boyfriend in 3 1/2 years... this is all new to me..


I'm glad he doens't see the children as a bad thing.. although he told me he can't imagine how i do it... assumes i'm a good mom and i said... i'm not perfect.. but everyone has their good and bad... like we already talked about how i'm not a good cook... i cook the same things over and over or try a new recipe once and a while... but it's not my thing... and he said, he's a good cook... did i mention he used to be a CHEF... he cooks for his roommates all the time...


Remember when i said his friends were very impressed with me..... the married couple want to do a double date and get to know me better... TG said, they've met his other friends girlfriends and they said, i'm the most down to earth... I told him, i love hanging out with new people and doing stuff.. it will be great... I think what will be really nice is taking TG down to the beach with me one weekend.. and meeting all of my old friends... I want to show him off

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 12:39pm

I *JUST* had this talk with Mr.Postman 2 days ago...the difference being he was ready to make it girlfriend/boyfriend status...and I'm not. So I felt the same as you did, trying to explain to him, WHY I wanted to continue meeting/going on casual dates (no sex tho!) while still seeing him... it went awkwardly to say the least LMAO I just didn't want to lie, that's not me and he's SOOOO nice and giving it would have been hugely unfair to him. But I totally understand your post word for word girl LOL


YAY on your exclusivity and new BOYFRIEND!!! *congrats!!*