We talked, sort of

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
We talked, sort of
48
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 12:03pm

Hello and happy mid week to all.


Last night I talked with Blue Eyes on the phone. I was really very calm (the two days to collect my thoughts and make sure I was not reactive and accusitory really helped) as I expressed my dissappointment in how Sunday went down. It was a pretty long yet relatively calm talk (I did 95 percent of the talking...he just listened) but I will just say here what everything really boiled down to...my main issue being that I felt like I took second place on Sunday (as I have on previous occasions) and my feelings were hurt. I was hoping for an appology or that a light would go off in his head, a kind of understanding. Well, it was more or less like talking to a very quiet wall.

~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 12:14pm

You are one smart cookie! You really handled everything so well. And you have learned a lot about yourself and what you want and how to communicate that. You are asking for such basic things - to have quality alone time at a special time and that is needed for any happy relationship. I can assure you that you should not feel at all guilty about what you want.

Personally I would be the one to find the solution and give him a permanent break from having to jeopardize his drinking desire for romance. I would dump him and not look back. Because that is going to be hard enough. I don't think you should wait for him to do that to you - his response yesterday was too lukewarm. It is not like he had an "aha!" moment and said "OMG - I was trying to include our dearest (NOT!) friends in our oh so special anniversary celebration."

I believe that if you want to find the love of your life you have to harden up and not settle for someone who gives you less than what you need or who has one of the 3 A's - adultery history, abusive or addicted/problem behavior.

SORRY! You are one of the sweetest and most positive ladies here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 12:33pm

He chose beer over you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 12:36pm

Thank you for your encouragement,

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 12:42pm

{{{{{thank you, Soonee]}}}}


Over the year of being with him, I have had that suspicion that he drinks too much..a feeling under the skin like a shadow that you can't quite make out in definitive lines. Now it is getting more clear.


I can't deny that I am, or will be horribly sad if he denies a problem or admits to it and does not change now. I love him so. In every other way, he is incredible.


~Pacific~....digging into the virtual chocolates, searching for the butter creams.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 1:14pm

"Continued drinking despite having ongoing relationship problems that are caused or worsened by the drinking."

THAT is good. You are on a roll today, my dear Soonee!! It is like you are homeschooling all of us, too. Gotta love our cyber mum!!

That is such a great statement - clear, concise and oh so real to too many people in our world today. I have kicked three to the curb over this matter and would do it again in a heart beat!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 2:24pm

I am so proud of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 2:35pm

Thanks, Moon.


I was just about to send you a little message, sister. I'm riding on the waves of all the positive energy and somehow I will navigate to the truth. Hopefully that will clear up this evening. Although generally calm, I am a bit anxious about possibly seeing him tonight. It feels like a storm is near and I pray for the right words.


You are incredibly dear to me Moon and I'll have your support in my mind as I venture towards clarification and desicions with him tonight.


Thank you, my friend!!! :o)


~Pacific~

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 3:10pm

Hi Pacific, You did a great job of putting your thoughts there calmy. I am trying to learn from you and others here how to do that ever! Gosh if it were me upset- you can only imagine how many stromg words and anger bursts he would have seen for something like this.

I am in a rush at work.But I sneeked in to see what happened to you. Just wanted to say, be tough on this one. sometimes we hopeless romantics need to see past out feelings and evaluate what will be best in longer run.

You deserve some one who treats you like a queen.
Sending postive vibes your way and some common sense vibes to Blue Eyes before he will lose you.

TTYL

~danc

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 4:22pm

Well, I just got an email. This is all he wrote:


I am going to take some time out and think, so I won't be making it to the cafe tonight.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 4:57pm

My thoughts.... waiting to see what his next move will be, is very hard.

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