We talked, sort of
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We talked, sort of
| Wed, 11-07-2007 - 12:03pm |
Hello and happy mid week to all.
Last night I talked with Blue Eyes on the phone. I was really very calm (the two days to collect my thoughts and make sure I was not reactive and accusitory really helped) as I expressed my dissappointment in how Sunday went down. It was a pretty long yet relatively calm talk (I did 95 percent of the talking...he just listened) but I will just say here what everything really boiled down to...my main issue being that I felt like I took second place on Sunday (as I have on previous occasions) and my feelings were hurt. I was hoping for an appology or that a light would go off in his head, a kind of understanding. Well, it was more or less like talking to a very quiet wall.

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You're so right about the waiting. I don't like it, because I feel powerless. But, he wants time and so he can have it.
He is a genuine thinker. I know that about him.. he thinks things through before acting. So I think he will try and come up with the right move. I will pray his thoughts will not be clouded by alcohol or the desire for it, but rather he thinks things through sober. I really do. I know he cares for me so much, and I can really, at this point, only hope that he makes the decision to want to make this work, not run from me and my feelings. It will take some self awareness on his part.
It will be hard for me to not obsess over waiting for him to call and tell me his verdict about the situation. I need the strength to pull it together and focus 110 percent on DD and my need. She deserves it as do
Oh Pacific,
I am so sorry at how this is developing.
Hi Pacific,
HUGSSSs..
I think it is good that he is taking time to think and not coming back today and telling you yes or no. Only difficulty here would be to control and not call him or being patinet enough to wait for his verdict.
Hopefully he will take a day or two and get back to you. If he takes longer than that then the answer is clear.
I really hope he comes back and wants to make it work. I know you love him. It is always hard to lose someoen you love. Meanwhile try and forget about this and may be eat lots of choclates and watch some comedy movie with DD !
I know this has to hurt, and waiting is pure hell, but don't give up just yet.
Oh wow Pac-Sun... it sucks, but it sounds like you did good. You stated your concerns and didn't get angry through it, and you had your say. Now if he would just have HIS say, but maybe he will still do that (as opposed to ghosting as he might still do- but after a year of dating, I hope not). I do hope that he will give you more of a response than what he did on the phone. But to me- what he told you on the phone is quite a bit of TRUTH there as well.
He defended himself and his actions (and drinking)
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Everyone has slip ups, it's how they handle it after being informed they have hurt someone else's feelings that is key. My X was great at rationalizing and changing the subject to be about how I was the one who was wrong. To this day the guy believes it was ridiculous of me to expect him to go with me to my father's funeral, to be with me when I had my 2nd and 3rd miscarriages (literally said"What? Do you expect me to hold your hand every time you have a miscarriage?) to go with me for the amnio when I was pregnant with our daughter at age 42, to even be with me at the hospital until a few minutes before she was born. You don't want that kind of future.
The guy I've been dating for the past year is the opposite, well not to the point of being underfoot, but he does acknowledge my feelings realizing if it's important enough for me to even say anything, it's pretty darn important. And he makes an effort to not have me feeling neglected from that point forward. Poor guy is now stuck going to the ballet Opening Night Gala with me this Sat., even though I said I'd just go with some girlfriends since he aleady was double booked for that day (daughter's soccer tournament, friend's birthday party). Hold out for a guy who cherishes you enough to keep you a priority, even after 5 years, 10 years, etc.
You never know, there are rare instances when a guy gets the wake up call, takes the time off, and decides he'd really rather have the girl. In the meantime, start moving toward recovery from this loss.
QueenBun, queen of the people pleasers
I agree that you did a good job stating to him how you feel... stating what you need... My experience with alcoholics is that they don't want anything coming between themselves and their drink. Nothing you say can help him get to that place of "a-ha" or out of his denial. Until he is ready to give up drinking or until he hits his bottom. Unfortunately you have NO CONTROL over that... sounds like you have done a good job letting that go.
My ex was an alcoholic... i have personal experience with letting go and setting healthy boundaries. Unfortunately, he didn't choose me... But as I defined myself, he didn't have to change for me to be happy... kwim... I was happy with ME... and i then chose NOT to keep him in my life if he would not give up drinking (my ex got violent when he drank). I felt that peace and calm that you are describing. When someone is in denial about their problem unfortunately you cannot help them .. no matter how much we desire for them to get help. A person has to want it for themselves.
I will continue to pray for you have peace, wisdom, and truth in your life.
Love,
Loonybunny
Thinking back...
I had a relationship with a man who Could Not Be Wrong.
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