Wednesday Woes . . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wednesday Woes . . . .
20
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 1:10pm
The expression when it rains it pours always comes to mind . . . . . .

My friend of 8 years (who is a recovering alcoholic) just discovered on Saturday that her husband of 11 years is having an affair - and she turned to the bottle for solace and comfort immediately. He's someone who I would have confidently said (and believe I have, in the past) "he would never cheat. He is a man of too much character and integrity". It's caused all kinds of self-doubt, and it's very painful to see them both hurt the way they are right now, and it's painful to know their two kids (8 and 5) can feel the tension.

Our good friend's dog and constant (and only) companion, was hit by a car and killed and left on friend's door step in a timespan of 10 minutes - while friend was taking the lawn clippings to the front yard via the open back gate. Friend is a mess, misses his "Mexican Jumping Bean" and was on our doorstep when I got home last night because he couldn't handle going home to an empty house.

My sister's return to work was unsuccessful. She's back on physical disability, and her 4th back surgery (she has degenerative disc disease) has been labeled "unsuccesful" and they are looking at new options.

TT's niece, whom I have never met, has asked to move in with us until she can "get on her feet" because she wants to leave Wisconsin. She wants to move in ASAP. Yesterday, is good for her. Due to my love for TT's sister - I feel very obligated to take her in.

TT had a MAJOR blow up with his boss at work, and found out he was "framed" by someone he considered a friend (who I had warned him about repeatedly). So much so that he told himself "I need to get out of this industry", his opinion of his mentor for the last 8 years has been shattered, and he feels completely betrayed by his friend of 11 years.

Parent/teacher conference with Jojo's teacher tomorrow. Although he is doing well on his assignments and homework, he doesn't know enough words by sight and struggles sounding out words that he should have "mastered" by now - so we need to come up with a plan to get him up to speed.

TT's mom has had her muscle relaxers and pain medications upped - the pain in her legs and hips has become unbearable in the last 3 weeks. The meds are so strong that she is incoherent and staying in bed for longer periods of time and unable to do the very few things in life that she enjoys.

Our very dear friends' 9 year old niece whom we loved and adored and have prayed for continuously died on Monday after a 4 year battle with leukemia.

My truck is acting up. I need to get it into the shop.

My period, for no known reason, is two whole freaking weeks early. And I'm bleeding so hard and so heavy that I'm in pain and fatigued. I'm so tired of this.

So there you have it!!!!

I should feel better now, right? Sigh.

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Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 1:36pm

Hug Hug Hug


Can't think of anything to say to even TOUCH on all that you're going through. You're such a strong woman, Min. But I hope you take a little time for yourself to destress so you can continue to support TT and all of your loved one through this. (Is TT seriously rethinking his career? Ack! That's a huge deal. I know he loves what he does)


I'll be thinking of and praying for you hon.

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 1:48pm
Thanks, Bec.

All of this, too, shall pass.

Yes, TT is REALLY rethinking his career. I'm shocked, and I must admit, frightened.

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 2:04pm
I can understand your being just a little frightened. BUT, you've never seen TT do anything rash/unwise (that I can remember???) in the past, and I am sure he will be cautious this time too. Especially being a man and knowing he is the primary provider.
Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 2:56am
I'M Sooo SORRYYYYYYYYYY MIN!

You really had a load to get off your chest. Respect, to how you handle your situations. Sometimes I don't think I could handle mine half as good as I do yours.

BIG HUG!

- Catherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 10:33am
I'm so sorry, Min. What a load to deal with. We're having quite a week ourselves. We got ourselves back on track financially and then yesterday, Shane's check was about $300 less than I expected and it was less than half what he actually gets before taxes. Taxes came out and insurance did and it lesft us with practically nothing. He paid his truck payment without telling me and I ended up having to call a few places and move stuff around so they wouldn't withdraw money right now.

Shane has also been rethinking things with work. Seems to be in the water. His friend of over a decade has a dealership he runs and the guy he has managing it is not doing well. He wanted Shane to run it before, but Shane felt it was a bad time for him to leave his current job, so he refused the offer. His friend offered it to him again and Shane said he'd come for no less than a guaranteed $10,000 a month. But he can't really do it because he'd lose his insurance and have a waiting period before the new policy kicked in at the new place. We can't do that now that I'm pregnant. I have to have the insurance in order to keep appointments. So he's stuck there making less than he deserves.

He suggested me taking the gun and Rolex back to the pawn shop today if I thought it would help, but honestly, no matter how much cash we'd get for a loan on that stuff, we'd be paying the loan off with about twice that and we'd be like we were last month when he had to give them $1200 to get it back. I'm not about to go thru that again. That stuff stays in the house from now on. No more pawn shops. It's not worth it to risk losing your belongings.

So we're not having a good day and he's got to drive to Dallas (2 hours) this morning for a car auction and I'm here alone to think about all of this and he's in the car thinking about it. What a way to end the week!

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 3:18pm
Thanks, Catherine.

Today is a much brighter day. :)

All these things shall pass!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 3:24pm
Thanks, Mel. And big hugs to you. Things are looking brighter today. Thank goodness! Yesterday was a long, miserable day for me.

GOOD FOR YOU for not pawning that stuff and for just riding this out. You will be fine. You know that. I want to once again recommend seeing a financial counselor. With Shane making so much money and the two of you supposing to have so much left over after you pay the bills, you should have a safety net when stuff like this happens. I'm telling you, without having gone to counseling and being TAUGHT how to do this stuff, I would never have figured it out.

On Shane's job situation, could Shane accept the new job and afford to pay to insure you through COBRA through his old job until the baby is born - if the opportunity is that good?

I was STUCK when I was pregnant with Alex. Since Tim and I were not married, I wasn't eligible for his insurance, and if we got married, the pregnancy would have been considered a "pre-existing condition" and therefore would not have been covered. I was offered a job that I REALLY wanted, as the job I had was HORRIBLY stressful and demanding, but because I needed the insurance and couldn't afford Cobra, I was stuck. It was a huge bummer.

But you know - it was a blessing in disguise, I'm sure. Several things that have happened over the past 2 years would have NEVER happened had I left. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 4:20pm
Well if things get to the point where he feels the need to leave and make that change, we'll go COBRA, I'm sure. Have no choice really and with the extra income of the other job he would be working, we could manage for a while. I told Shane about financial planning and he said that sounded fine. We need to go sit with one on a day he can take off. He gets a long weekend each month...Friday and Saturday off. Sunday's he's off anyway. So on a Friday while D is at school, we could go sit and discuss our options. He said that if things are so bad, that I needed to make out a budget for us and stick to it. I have listed our expenses according to due dates and amounts and used his pay schedule for the timeline when we'd pay each bill each month. It seems to work out great. On paper. But we'll see. I know he hates being told he can't golf or we can't have dinner out or he has to take his lunch when the other guys at work order out, but that's the breaks. When we have the money, I let him buy his lunch out once in a while, but not every day. I don't like seeming like I'm hoarding the money. I'm just a big planner and I think of consequences. Good news though. Our cell phone bill has a credit so we don't owe anything this month. It's pretty cool.

Shane is an optimist. He always thinks it will be okay and it usually is. I can't count a single time that he said it would be alright and it wasn't. Something happens to bail us out of our rut. I don't count on it, but somehow, we manage. I'm thankful.

I'm glad your day is brighter today. And I'm sure Tim will make the right decision about his job. And for y'all. I know how hard it is to have someone at work being a real butthole. I've worked around my share of them. My last boss was the queen B****! But I no longer have to deal with her. I am beginning my training for the mortgage job. I am doing it from home so I can still be here for Dylan and handle the things here that need attention. At first I will just process applications, but later, I will be actually doing it all. My boss, a friend of Shane's, says I can make more money than Shane once I get started full force. I will need to go out to Realtors, Builders and Mobile Home Sales Offices to get clients. I'll be asking them to refer buyers to me. And I willbe the only person in town that is willing to help a person with less than perfect credit, so I'll have that market all to myself. Good for me! Ten after I get that done, I'll go to banks and speak to loan officers about referring their denied apps to me so I can help those families get into a home. Wish me luck!

I think we will all be okay, but it just takes time to get past the issues. I'm happy to hear things are looking better today. Hey Wednesday is hump day after all, so we just had to get over that hump, right?

Mel

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Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 4:45pm
Ya gotta have a budget! Otherwise you always, always, overspend! Cause just like the years fly by and you think "where has the time gone???" the money flies and you think "where has the money gone???" Come on, woman that has worked in business accounting! Can a business run without a budget???? NOT FOR LONG!

We have a budget. A strict one. We have FUN MONEY budgeted. So if we want to go out to dinner (and we do!) we can say "we allowed $100 for that this month - we've already went twice and spent $50 - we have another $50. Do we want a NICE dinner - or do we want to have the option to go out again?" We budget for entertainment. Tim doesn't golf, and when he does, work pays for it. For us, it's concerts. We budget for concerts. We don't allow ourselves to go over the budgeted amount. Period. And if we have money left over - we dump this months' concert budget into next months'. YAY! Hair cuts are factored in. Gas is factored in. Groceries are factored in. My trips to Target are factored in. EVERY SINGLE DIME is accounted for - even if it's accounted to "savings" or "Jojo's treat".

Get to a financial counselor. It's ok to be optimistic about life - it's great in fact - and being an optimist I recommend it. But when it comes to money - you gotta be real. You just do. Living month to month hoping everything will work out - even if it always does, is no way to live.

Your new business venture sounds really exciting! You won't need luck. You've got a loving supportive husband, business experience, and the determination to do it. Make yourself a business plan, a marketing plan, and DO IT!

Besides Tim's work situation, which is stabilizing, nothing else has changed. I think God simply realized "whoa, she's not THAT strong! Gotta send her a little peace and comfort!" AND - I have to say - I got alot of counseling and cyber hugs from two of my very best friends yesterday - that I met through this board. :)

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 5:09pm

Ok, Mel...Here's a thought. I've never done the financial counseling thing myself. Never. I have a good head on my shoulders. I can do all of this on paper for myself. J and I can mutually agree that it looks good. And then we NEVER EVER stick to it. We hang in there. We don't get into trouble monthly, but I STILL SAY "Where did the money go"


Mindy is right. Budgeting is very important. Even more vaulable (talking to myself here) is STICKING TO IT!!! LOL


So, if I find out where to go, make an appointment and go, I will report back on how it went and what suggestions they had for my lack of discipline practically speaking. Will you? Take the challenge with me and we'll compare notes!!!


Min, where on EARTH do you find a financial counselor? Esp. since when you need one, you probably are a little tight.

Becky

Becky

 

 

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