The weekend, a bit unsettling

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
The weekend, a bit unsettling
33
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 5:01pm

Hello everyone,


First of all, I wanted to say I am so happy

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 12:48pm

Great advice from all the girls, Pac. I don't really have anything in addition to what has already been said. I hope you can get this situation sorted. I'm sure it is a very confusing time but you seem like a strong person and whatever you decide I'm sure it will be good for you. If you need an ear to bend, I'm around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 1:35pm

I was thinking about your post. Thank you for your view and I took something you said and thought about it for a while this morning ( as I was blow drying my hair which takes forever lol) . This was the thought that I was

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 3:35pm

Don't focus on the alcohol. It's an easy excuse and out. Yeah, your man may pound a little much each time he goes out, but if he's not doing it constantly then the alcohol ain't the problem.


What bothers me most about your post is his lack of recognition of the anniversary and his inability to compartmentalize time with you. I'm thinking that your guy may not be long term material.


We all know that my GF is TROUBLE, but one thing we both have always gotten is a sense of what it means to be in our relationship. She is the single mom, and I have always worked my schedule around hers to the largest extent possible. Since she has had custody of the kids I only see her some Wednesday nights, Thursday nights, Friday nights and every other Saturday. I try to always keep our time on top of my to do list. Yeah, some things get in the way, but not romantic or special occasions. She had a housewarming

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 3:51pm

I see that one of the keys in dealing with our hurts and disappointments is to not only to acknowledge those for ourselves and to understand where the other is coming from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 4:11pm

Oh Sweetie, Im sorry. & Im sorrier to say that it worries me. Drinking 2-3 X a week, TWELVE at a time, is NOT a good sign.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 4:17pm
Remember, what you see & get while DATING< is the BEST OF THE BEST someone has to offer.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 4:21pm
I *totally* disagree. Yes, there are other issues here (his selfishness, & his accusing her of being controlling, & his irresponsibility) but C'mon!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 4:57pm

"When someone shows you who they are, BELEIVE them".


Rebecca...I'm so glad you posted that phrase again. You know why? I read it a few months ago and I couldn't remember who said it or where I read it. It stuck with me when I read it and in fact I have used that phrase with a friend or two since then! Now it is time for me to apply this to Blue Eyes if in fact he admits to me there is a problem with drinking. Thank you for reminding me of this lil gem of a phrase!


~Pacific~

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 5:16pm

I'm sure he isn't always pounding a dozen. None of us can do that consistently.


My point was to focus more on the emotional quality of his responses. It becomes easy to overlook the true issue by blaming it on addiction. He hasn't been taking her into account in his mind. As a guy, I can tell you that. If a guy is that inconsiderate, then he has issues that effect the relationship more then the alcohol. I dated a woman who had alcohol issues. She joined AA and got "well" . When the booze excuse left, I still had the same unfeeling, cold hearted chick, only couldn't blame it on the booze. Alcohol can sometimes be "truth serum."


Love,


Zen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 5:25pm

Zen,


Thank you for your good thoughts,

~Pacific~