The weekend, a bit unsettling
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The weekend, a bit unsettling
| Mon, 11-05-2007 - 5:01pm |
Hello everyone,
First of all, I wanted to say I am so happy
| Mon, 11-05-2007 - 5:01pm |
Hello everyone,
First of all, I wanted to say I am so happy
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I have to add one more aside....
I have NEVER seen anyone who drinks what I deem to be more than normal or a LOT (more than 14-18 drinks per week is MY guide - not sure where I hear that) EVER EVER say "my drinking is a problem." Rather, I have always seen them go out of their way to list all the reasons THEY think it is NOT a problem:
- I have never had a problem with it
- I can go to work fine
- I pay all my bills on time
- It doesn't bother me
- I can wake up on time
- Everyone does it
I have seen someone who has had 2 DUIs say this.
The thing is that they love it so much they go out of their way NOT to make it a problem for THEMSELVES. And for them that is fine. But chances are when you are the one who sees the drinking as a problem for you or as something in the way of your relationship, you are the only one who sees it that way. And that is fine, too. But you cannot think they will change that for you or see it your way because they can't.
I was trying to describe what is is like to have sex with a drunk guy to my friend who is a virgin. She is in her early 20s and is dating a guy who has a binge drinking problem and she doesn't know what to do. We are talking at least a case in one night or more. He and his brother have run up an $800 bar bill in one night. I am sure everyone here can imagine what I would say - LOL!! It is not a pretty picture.
But something to consider is that when the drinking gets in the way of good sex often, it is a problem to me and most who don't like to drink a lot often......
Hello Pacific,
Drinking, and the problems associated with it, is a subject that comes up a lot on this board. I am not on the same page as most people here, and I know that, but I respect everyone else's opinions, and I think they do mine as well. I was brought up in the UK, and there is a huge drinking culture there, right or wrong. I was growing up at a time in the UK where pubs were almost the only places to go for young people to socialise - there was no real cafe society or the like. So to me, drinking is not a problem in itself.
That said, the quantities mentioned here are a little excessive, to my mind. And, if it is a problem for you, then obviously that means there is a problem. I felt upset to read that he changes in his attitude towards you when he has been drinking, and I agree that you need to sort it out.
The main issue I have is the timing. He did know how important this anniversary was to you, and you had made it clear through your thoughtful gifts. That should have been enough to make him turn down the idea of spending the day with his friends. The fact that you had shown how important it was means that he cannot be excused by the typical man thing, where they just don't think about these things. I really feel for you, and can totally understand your disappointment. I was also touched to hear that you made the effort and agreed to having brunch with the friends, even though you would have preferred to spend the day alone with Blue Eyes. I would have done exactly the same thing, although I don't think Monkey would have even dared to ask me ;o) !!! Some sort of compromise would have been the best solution. But you already know that.
I think you and Blue Eyes have good communication, and you mean the world to him, so I am confident that you will be able to talk this through. You have to be honest, and try to remain as unemotional as possible, so that he gets the message without it seeming like you are being a nag, as this could counter the positive effects of any good conversation that would lead to change. I am pretty sure he does not realise the extent of hurt you felt on this occasion, nor how much his drinking affects you. I am certain you can make this clear to him, and that he will do his very best not to upset you any more.
I hope you can work this out, Pacific, because you deserve the very best.
Clem xx
Clemmy...your so kind. I appreciate your thoughts so much.
I was just writing on a new thread that Blue Eyes is taking some time out to think. I sort of thought he would do that, but perhaps it is exactly what we need.
I am truly sad but this needs to happen, and if we are meant to be then we will work through this togehter.
I don't know what I would do without you all...just go crazy in my own thoughts I guess.
~Pacific~
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