Weekend update......

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Weekend update......
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Mon, 08-27-2007 - 10:24am

Well, week two, no date! I'm sorry, but this is getting old. LOL. I am so not used to not having some sort of date with someone. Sitting at home and letting my time go by just isn't me! My way of thinking is this: I have plenty of time when I'm old, to sit and wait. But I am not going to sit at home when I'm in my prime time.

Having said that, I refuse to not date but I don't think it makes me desperate. I was asked out by a few people that I said no to. Friday night I was asked to go out on a kayaking night event on a river with a guy (and a big group of people) that I started chatting with MONTHS ago, but kept putting him off. Sounded like a great night out, but last minute. I think this guy seems nice, but a two things bug me and I think I really have to be a little more open minded because he is. He used to sing in a church choir and enjoys it and he regularly attends service. I don't do neither and he knows this, but he said: It doesn't matter, he isn't looking for someone to match his exact interests. I just never saw myself with a choir boy. Hey! That will be his nickname. LOL. Otherwise, we have very similiar interests. It will be interesting to see if I decide to go out with him or not.

I went out on Saturday night to this place where we had a Meetup planned. I couldn't believe that I got picked up left right and center. Great ego booster. The guys were HOT HOT HOT!! I mean: HOTTT! Lol! I was asked out by three guys! I was drooooling. So why did I leave without giving out a number? They were 22 and 23! They thought I was 26. LOL. When I told them I was 36 they were REALLY adamant about getting a date. They said they didn't care, etc etc. I said: Sorry, I'm not interestd in even having a cup of coffee with someone that young. And I left. I would have considered it if they were 28 or older, but 22 & 23 is just a bit to much! They were closer to my DD's age then to mine!!!

Mr. History and I talked Thursday, he asked me out for Saturday night. I knew that wasn't going to happen, but I said yes nevertheless and made plans for the meetup group. I knew if he DID decide to come through, I could cancel my meetup group last minute. Then he never contacted me again on Friday and Saturday. I contacted him on Saturday afternoon and said I made other plans. He never called me back. Yesterday (Sunday) he texted me to say that I obviously gave up on him and have a new boyfriend. How much I am hurting him, etc!!! OH PLEASE!!! WHATEVER!!! I told him that I'm tired of being his doormat. That he doesn't deserve nor require an explanation if I am seeing someone else or not, but that I am over his excuses and over being nice to him.

So I guess that's it for a run down. I'm really not that interested in being in a relationship, but I do enjoy going out with people. I like going out and flirting and keeping myself open for someone that is nice and wants my number. I don't think I need to close those options, I just need to ensure that I am a lot more picky about whom I date.

ETA: I did mean to say that choirboy isn't just some guy. He has his masters, has his own successful business and is really interested in the same things I am. I like listening to him talk. We really seem to have a few things in common. He has two children that he has 50% custody of as well. So no, just because he's a church goer, isn't a deal breaker for me. I have been pondering about going to church more often again. I guess I just think being a choir boy is a little odd. LOL




Edited 8/27/2007 10:36 am ET by myprecioustwo

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 10:43am

I know I saw a picture of your daughter but I don't remember what she looked like other than a cute little girl. At 14 I don't think you really still want to be a little girl. Maybe instead of changing you, you should ask her what might make her feel better about herself. She is old enough to start experimenting with make-up. Not a lot but some would probably help. Take her to the mall and do a make over with her. Some new clothes? A new hair cut for her maybe? Nothing extreme, just a little change. I'm pretty sure I started coloring my hair by that age, maybe some highlights. Just some fresh new stuff but still age appropriate that might make her feel more attractive.

Having seen you, I doubt weight is an issue but maybe it is for her. I know as a teenager I always felt fat. Not something to focus on but maybe an exercise routine or getting more involved in a sport would help her in that department. Being a teenage girl was even more difficult than being a single mom is. So many things to worry about, so many doubts and you are just learning to be you.

HTH

Priscilla who doesn't look forward to her daughter growing up.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 10:56am

We've done all the suggested ideas. (sigh).

I just think she's at an awkward stage. I just keep telling her how I was and how she's much prettier then I was back then. I was a skinny thing and she isn't really skinny, but perfectly normal and has a beautiful figure. Her bra size even out does mine now. I keep telling her that too! I don't know, I think she's just in an awkward self doubting point in her life, but it's just weird that she would try to compare herself to me now and be a little jealous of the younger men that take interest in me. But on the other hand, I guess some of those men, like this weekend are just boys as well at 22.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 2:14pm

Well she may want to be thin like her mom. That could be part of it. Girls that age really focus a lot on weight. I had a bit of an eating disorder at that age (obviously don't anymore;o) but I was never thin enough.

Good luck. Not a lot you can do other than positive feedback.

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 6:53pm

I can very much relate to the whole age issue. I'm 32 and about a year ago the younger sister of one of my former co-workers began stopping by and chatting with me at my job. She was 21 and drop dead gorgeous, but this is a girl that I watched grow up. My son was closer to her age than me. One time she jokingly said that she was tired of waiting for me to ask her out and her visits became less frequent until she finally started dating someone (I guess she wasn't joking).

I partially regret not pursuing it, but at the same time I just didn't feel right about it. I also look a lot younger than I am, so when women do show an interest they are usually a lot younger than me. And of course women my age think I look too young, so there's nothing going on there either. Depressing.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 9:44am

Isn't it sad when you see a gorgeous specimen and you know that it would just be WAY to sinnful because you no longer are the young person you once were? I see drop dead gorgeous men all the time and I know I could probably have a WONDERFUL sex life with them, but I have to keep reminding myself that I am 35 now, not 25. I dated a guy that was 21 when I was 32 and OMG it was incredible, but then I realized, I don't want to raise another kid and so with much regret, I let him go. I hurt his feelings so bad, but I just couldn't do it. I still often think about it, because he was truly an angel, but I want someone stable and someone that can relate to me; not a babe in a cradle.

Then of course the next thought process is: Ok, what if this works out? At SOME point, I am going to be older and this guy is going to be younger and then I'm going to be the old hen who is dumped for a younger chick, because I have all these wrinkles and he still looks awesome. LOL. This was the issue recently with the one guy I dated. He was 12 years older then me. I couldn't get over that. I kept seeing his wrinkles and thinking he's going to be 50 in a couple of years and I'll be 37! I want to be with someone who still has a lot of mojo and I don't have to wheel around in a couple of years. I mean if the love of my life were to get into an accident, I'd be with him no matter what, but not with someone who is old and I am still full of life. Age difference may not mean tooo much at our age at the moment, but it did when we were younger and it does when we are older. Suddenly, it makes a huge difference. Isn't their a saying somewhere that you are born wearing diapers and die wearing diapers? Gosh that's bad!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 12:50pm

I have to say that younger men don't always dump the older woman. My x's mom is with a man younger than her. They have been together for about 25 years or so. She turned seventy in May and they are still going strong. They are happy. He is only 54 (I think that is right maybe 55). They have a great life together, travel, have many of the same interests. She is aging. She had a knee replaced a few years back and may need to get the other one done. He stands by her. (btw her oldest son is 48)

So it does happen
Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 2:07am
My brother is 37 and his wife is 49 I believe and they have an awesome marriage. I guess it really all depends on the individual. I don't think I would be opposed to dating someone older than, but I'm not sure about long term. Gotta keep the options open ya know....

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