Is this weird???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Is this weird???
2
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 3:51am

Just last week my guy and I had a serious conversation regarding where our relationship is going. He said he isn't embarrassed to be seen with me but just the other night, we had a conversation about moving forward.

Ok, he says he isn't embarrassed to be with me but he told me he was concerned about running into people he knew and then having to explain who I am and then having to tell people he is no longer married. I think this is very strange. I told him this isn't moving forward with his life.

This also leads to the fact that we hardly do things together. In a sense, I am jealous that he takes his kids to have all the fun while we mostly spend the evening at home. It's starting to get old. Maybe I'm just holding on to him?

What do you ladies think about his behavior? Should this be considered a deal breaker?

-Vanessa

Vanessa
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 8:32am

I don't remember if you've met his kids or not, but i'm thinking if you haven't, it would be natural for him to spend whatever time he has with them doing something fun.

If you have, or he has them full time, I would be a little put off too.

I also don't remeber how long you've been dating (sorry!) so maybe you give it another XXX number of months, days, dates, whatever, and suggest other things to him.

If you're both exclusive, I don't think there's anything wrong with you inviting him somewhere- have a couple of ideas, and see what his reaction is.

I guess most of my opinion depends on you. Are you okay with this potentially long term? If not, what could you work on together to make it better? If he's simply unwilling, then he's unwilling, and should not be with you. If he's simply unaware, make him aware by suggesting things, doing things that you think are fun whether he joins you or not, and not being content to stay home all of the time.

Being divorced isn't really that big a deal anymore. The divorce rates will tell you that at least half of the people you know have been divorced. That's not shameful, the shame would be in hiding it. No one cares about his life. Really. They all have other things going on, and while they might be initially surprised, those who care about him will be happy he's happy, and those who don't can jump off a bridge.

I try to remember, "those who matter won't care, those who care don't matter" when it comes to things like this.

Hopefully you and your guy will be able to work things out, but if not, know that it wasn't you, it isn't personal, he just isn't ready for what you're looking for.

Good luck, keep us posted

Moody, mouthy today


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2006
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 7:34pm

Hi Moody,

Sorry for the delay...........

I don't expect any of you to follow what is going on with the BF so here are some answers to your questions.

No, I haven't met his kids yet. Well, I met his son (from his 1st wife) briefly so it doesn't really count and I haven't met his daughter yet. We have been dating exclusively for 7 months now and to tell you the truth, things aren't much different from the beginning.

You're right, divorce isn't a big deal anymore. I mean people are getting divorced left and right but I'm beginning to feel that he is very ashamed of it. He constantly wants to hide it. If you don't know what I mean, please read my latest post. I don't take it personally, but it's hard not to feel that it has some thing to do with me.

-Vanessa

Vanessa