Weird insecurities

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Weird insecurities
14
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 10:28pm

I don't know why I can never "just be" and enjoy life. LOL.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 10:51pm
Oooh, not sure Sweetie. Have you had men be unfaithful to you in the past?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 10:53pm
not really!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 10:57pm
Well I will chime in and tell you with the stakes getting higher over here I have had some crazy thoughts as well along this line. And I know I am full of sh*t for thinking them and it has much more to do with my fears of abandonment than anything my SYB is doing. I think as the commitment levels rise, your vulnerability becomes more palpable and as you adjust to that your brain can go into overtime and do the "what ifs" Please dont give in to these. I have an appt with my therapist next week to address exactly this kind of thing ( among other stuff of course!lol) and I have been meeting with her every other week since we found out we needed to move and possibly buy a house together. I also have had the same thought about "why cant I just calm down and be happy for goodness sake" and I am really trying!! I just have decided to take things day by day. I also think next week I am going to limit the real estate stuff to two hours a day because it is starting to invade everything and that is freaking me out. I wonder whether just talking with other women about the wedding and hearing yourself talk put you in a spiral without you knowing it...
Big HUGS!!
ue
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 11:05pm

Sigh...............

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 11:24pm
No need for thanks - I totally relate. I dont think it is dumb of you or stupid - dont allow yourself to become down on YOU just because of thoughts which I think most people would consider a fairly normal reaction to an increase in commitment and all of the fears that go along with. I actually see these feelings as par for the course as long as I dont fall for them and just realize it is my heart and brain telling me I have some inner work to do. I had those thoughts, knew I was full of it, acknowledged I am scared and made an appt with my psych. Case closed....or at least closed enough to not let it get to me too much.
I actually think having an engagement with no wedding date yet, house on the market, kid going to college....all of these things are in combination quite a bit to deal with in the transitioning department. I bet you will feel better as one or two of them gets checked off so to speak.
I know I will feel worlds better once we get a lender letter over here.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 11:44pm

Yes once this house sells I can at least move closer to EG and to my job and my son is going to be living on campus at college.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 11:51pm
I hear you.
"I guess I'm scared to get excited and actually start looking foward to the future. I feel like once I start feeling comfy and secure that it's all going to blow up"
Couldnt have said it better myself.
I didnt feel this scared when I married my son's father but I was younger and I was a LOT less in love. I am glad to be older and wiser and I am certainly lucky to be in love with SYB. Sometimes it is good I think to see that you are scared because of how great things can be. It's a dangerous cocktail of excitement/anticipation and fear. But again there is a lot at stake and I think this is only normal as long as we remember to breathe deeply through it.
Deep down I think I know great things are right around the corner and it is so overdue!! Dont you feel a bit the same?
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 05-17-2008 - 7:30am
Yes I definately feel the same!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 05-17-2008 - 9:29am

I think that once you have experienced a marriage going south, then a divorce, and then picking up the pieces that come after the explosion, and then finding independence and peace on your own when you have kids to support, that it could never be that easy to totally trust someone again. I feel this way. And I know of a lot of moms who feel that way, both here and IRL. And in life there are no guarantees! We cannot be 17 and totally innocent again. And to have questions and be a bit cynical is not such a bad thing as long as it doesn't interfere with your life and your relationships. And that is what we have each other for here.

It is good to hear that you are getting excited about your ring and the engagement and marriage and the wedding - and very fun for us to watch you go through the process and see what is in your head about it. Have you two reached a decision about him moving and stuff like that? I was hoping he would realize on his own the nature of that request for a mom who is rooted with kids. So my fingers are crossed for you.

I really love the way you handled the part about him being in a bad mood - where you offered support but then did your own thing and were patient. That is a good story.

Keep us posted, okay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sat, 05-17-2008 - 10:03am

Hi isys,.. These kind of thoughts are perhaps just random.. and effect of your past- not a part of your personality.. You ahve made it so far. That is great.


Somehow I am in very good mood these days- and when I read he got frequent flyer..the first thing that came to mind was, that he wants to take you on some trips..lol.. SO that is a possibility. Also if he travels a lot that makes sense.. even if he doesnt travel, I think it is good- after a while you may get a free flight. In fact I am planning to get FF for all ailines..coz it adds up and you could get a free trip down the road.


Congrats on your engagement- I didnt know it happened- I knew he gave you a ring- What was the proposal like- was he down on his knees.. I want the story!!


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