Weird thought today...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Weird thought today...
11
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 12:10am

So, I pick up a friend's daughter in the mornings to take to daycare with my son- she has MS and finds it hard to get going in the morning... anyway, she picked Nicolas up tonight while I had my date :)


When I got to her place tonight, she said to me that Nicolas had been acting up a bit and that she had to sit them both down and said to them, "look, I'm a mom who's husband is away at sea for a month and Alison is a mom all alone all the time... you guys need to help us out here..."


The thing is, that even with J moving out, I don't *feel* alone- and was quite thrown by the comment.


Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 12:28am

Maybe she ment you are doing it on your own?? But most likely she is just projecting her uncomfortable feelings on you...especially since she may have been spread a little thin with the two kids and the MS.

And you should be grateful for not feeling alone...cause you're not :) we all have each other!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 6:37am
I think she is the one who feels alone and has not adjusted to it - as you have. I have a friend whose husband had to be gone all week for a few months. She said she didn't know how I do it - she was so lonely when he wasn't there and was having a hard time adjusting to doing everything and being a part time single parent. I don't even give that a second thought anymore, as you probably don't either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 7:24am

Alison, maybe it's because you're good at being a mom. You probably have a support system in place, like your friend who you share sitting duties with. You also are probably in a routine now that works for you guys, so every day isn't a struggle just to get through it.

A lot of people tend to look at single motherhood as just that. In fact, it's really a one parent family. I don't feel "all alone" most of the time, either, though I certainly have my moments. But when things are going well, I barely realize I don't have someone else here.

I guess for me, "all alone" has negative connotations, where being a single mother isn't a negative thing, unless you make it one.

Moody, all alone until she wakes the monsters for school


Powered by CGISpy.com
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 9:40am

I agree to all the other posts, but I had a comment recently throw me for a loop...

My oldest DD Alex came home one day after she explained we won't be moving to Chicago and her one best friend said, "Your mom is never going to find someone, she'll always be alone." That upset both Alex and myself, but it really upset me how people perceive my not being with a man in my life as being alone. I have my kids, my friends (making more slowly), my email friends; I don't feel alone. Especially since my decision to get out of the Engagement. I feel I made a healthy decision for myself and I have never felt more fulfilled at this time. It didn't happen right away. Matter of fact, I felt REALLY lonely, for a long time, but then the more time I took the more time I realized, I really like being "alone". I always have. But the comment just blew me out of the water and made me feel like a reject. I felt like a reject by what a 13 year old said to me. LOL.
But THEN I think: HEY, I am WAYYY more fun then a Mom that is in a normal cookie cutter family. So I may be all alone, but whose parents do my kids friends want to see when they want to sleep over, go to the beach, movie night, goofing off, go to the mall or have some fun? It's ME. So then, again, I'm not alone. :) I have a boatload of kids and I'm enjoying the moment that a lot of parents never get to see because I'm the single mom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 10:28am

I so agree with you I may not have a man at my side or in my bed but I have my kids and friends. My house is the one that all the kids want to come to and hang out and spend the night. My house with my 2 old daughters while they were in high school and marching band was the house that most of the band kids came over too the night before the competitions and spent the night. those weekends I would have 10 to 15 kids here spending the night.(made it hard in the morning usually about 5am with only 1 bathroom)lol. Now that they are graduated and my younger 2 are in the band starting this year I can NOT wait for the fun to start all over again......

So I truly have to say I am NOT alone just no man to share the fun times with but I have to wonder if there is a man out there that would deal with that many kids in a small house like mine and enjoy it

Jackie

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 10:41am
See? Most men just complain about the noise and the action. I've been in a relationship where the house would be full with his kids and mine and his kids friends, but at some point, he'd get grumpy and tell everyone to be quiet and go to bed. I don't care. I welcome it. I think it's fun and I love seeing my kids enjoy themselves. So we may not get alot of sleep at night, but they leave the house with a happy face and can't wait to come over the next time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 10:47am
thats so true about a grumpy man!!!! and I also love the fact that the kids leave all happy and before they leave they always ask "are we on for next friday?" that makes me feel so awesome and we start planning for the next weekend they all come to me on saturday afternoon after the competitions and say thanks and how much fun they had and what movies are we watching next weekend>>????? lol I love it, its a good thing that I have 7 more years of this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 11:29am

"he'd get grumpy and tell everyone to be quiet and go to bed"


See, that would be ME- LOL!




Photobucket
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 11:36am
LOL! I have ADHD so you can never get me to shut up. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 2:29pm

I agree with the others, I think that SHE is the one that may feel alone but, we as single parents, don't perceive ourselves like that. It could be tough on her because of her MS and maybe she is used to help with the kids? Just a thought.

It's funny because my mom always tells me that she wished I could find someone so that I wouldn't be alone and had some help to do things around the house. I see myself as very independent and if I want to get a job done, I just do it. No second thoughts or thoughts of "oh I wish I had a man to do this!" lol

Jennifer

Pages