Well, back in 1876 an old boy named Bell

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Registered: 02-08-2006
Well, back in 1876 an old boy named Bell
8
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 4:24pm

invented a contraption that we know so well. By the 1960's, they're in everybody's home. It's the crazy little thing we call a telephone. You can get one in your briefcase, on a plane or in your car. There's one on every corner and in the back of every bar. So tell me why (why) haven't I (haven't I) heard from you?

My turn to overanalyze, overthink, and doubt myself. Here's why.

I haven't heard from Boss since Friday night. I still haven't heard from Double D in anything more than a strictly work related way, since mid-January. Before him, it was Brown-Eyed-Girl's ex-husband, who never called, from the week before Christmas. Before her ex, there were lots (well, maybe not lots, but a couple, anyhow) of different first dates, email, phone conversations, but no sparks with anyone. Before all of that it was R (Halloween time, I think?), and it's painfully obvious now that he's only ever been into me when I was over him.

So.... what is the crazy deal? I'm beginning to develop a complex. Forget kissing a frog and having him turn into a prince- every guy I kiss turns into a frog and hops away. Seriously. Never to be heard from again. Ribbit!

While it's all well and good to say, NEXT, and to know that I'm better off without them if they aren't into me anyhow, and I don't chase them or contact them, or call them or even go out of my way to talk to them, it's also extremely frustrating.

Especially when everything starts off wonderfully, I take things slowly but don't keep them at a standstill, and by all appearances I'm doing everything right. How can I continue to feel like I even WANT to develop a connection with anyone, if the last 3, possibly more, men I have met have bailed at the first sign of anything even remotely physical? I swear, I don't have bad breath!

Boss was a great guy. Even if it turned out that he wasn't great for me, why didn't he simply say that- or not start off to such a good start in the beginning? Same thing with Double D. The more I knew him, the more our differences became apparent, but that's okay. With me, at least- and for the kind of relationship we almost developed. Apparently not for him.

Now... I've been talking to a 44 year old divorced father of three. I'll call him Cardio, since he works in the health care industry, specifically in the cardiac field. Although I'm wondering if giving him a nickname is a little premature, since knowing my life, he'll be gone soon, too.

However, for now, Mr Cardio is very open about wanting to be in a serious, committed relationship with the right person. He's expressed an interest in meeting, but my schedule's packed through the weekend, so we'll see about early next week. Frankly, I want to just get the first meeting over with, since I expect that once we've met a couple of times, he'll pull a vanishing act, too.

So far, he seems great. I'm not even going to get my hopes up anymore. It isn't that I believe all men are crap- just all men who show even the slightest bit of interest in me. He seems to be more into me than the other recent guys, which probably means that he'll disappear even faster.

Then men wonder why women get bitter.

Moody, about ready to take her hat out of the ring


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Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 5:35pm

Oh Moody, sweetie! You need a hug!!

Dating is a tough sport. Perhaps Boss got busy with his kids or superbowl? Or maybe he thinks he is too old? Who knows? Heck, he might even surprise you with a call tonight? I think it is premature to freak - unless you think there is something that makes you incompatible?

The point is that you are a great catch and you just have to keep dating different people until you find the one who thinks are you a great catch. Your Picasso painting just needs a Picasso admirer.

Men don't ever say - you are not for me - they just don't call when they see something is not quite right.

Go and do something fun for you or find some girlfriends to go out with - do something to get your mind off this.

Keep it casual and light - and keep on going - just try to have some fun in your life and keep the social lines going. I know there are lonely days - I have those myself.

HUGS!!

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Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 7:02pm

Keep the hat in the ring! Us new girls need you!!
You seem very open to seeing where things go but maybe these particular guys want a little more "action"? And by action I don't mean jumping into bed but guys like to feel a "chased" wanted too. Now mind you...I'm talking out of my @ss...just my initial opinion.

It's more than likely though...they just didn't have the appreciation you deserve and instead of wasting your time they just let it go knowing that you probably had another stud around the corner ;) Which, good for you, you do!

I guess we can't lose faith...it just gets tested sometimes.

Anyway, I appreciate all your posts here and I can't go seeing YOU losing hope! Chin up...remember frogs have warts!

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Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 7:45pm

drgnflygrl reminds me of something else I wanted to say to Moody.

Sometimes these guys are looking for something that doesn't exist - they want to feel young again - they want pizazz in their lives - but they also don't want to put forth any effort. Many are looking for some majical instant chemical reaction - or the way they felt in high school. And this just doesn't exist in real life. They also don't realize that they have to make time and room in their lives - no one is going to do that for them.

I have also found that many have real pain from past relationships - and they haven't dealt with that and aren't ready to move on. (The runner I was just talking to.)

So I think the answer is to realize that many times it is just something in them - not anything to do with you. And you are going to have to go through a lot just to find one.

BUT the good news - is that it only takes ONE. Just one! :-)

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Registered: 11-20-2003
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 2:37am

(((Moooooody)))
It's just unbelievable that someone who called you every morning and seemed so nice just does this! My jaw nearly hit the floor when I read this one. I really can't believe he has stopped calling you for no reason - there MUST be something up in his work life or with his kids or something, surely... I am hoping that by the time you get this message, he will have called and all will have been explained. But I'm not holding my breath.

Sheesh, I want to punch him. LOL. But don't let this get you down, or make you start to think negatively about yourself, or about men in general.

I do think, however, that you really need to know what happened here, because it seems so unbelievable. If Boss is no longer interested in seeing you, I think you should ask him why, in a non-aggressive way, just tell him you are really curious to know what made him switch off so you can use the information for the future. I'm not writing him off straight away, but if he HAS changed his mind, I think it is important to know why, for your own personal development, peace of mind and closure.

On a lighter note, let's hope the first meeting with Cardio comes about soon. I'm slapping your wrist for being down on yourself, and saying you expect him to pull a vanishing act. They won't all be flakers, and there's one person somewhere who is just waiting for Ms Moody.

Chin up, girly, and let's just see how it goes.

Clem xx

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Registered: 03-25-2002
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 11:51am

Moody,

I concur with the others... You have an active and wonderful dating life. Dating is not for the lonely or faint of heart. And it's okay to take a break every now and then, too. Or keep getting out there and keep moving on...

Boss might still call, although it is weird that he went from calling everyday to nothing... hmmm. I'd want to know what happened too. But whatever his reason, it WAS him and not you.

I don't usually like generalities but sometimes I just say to myself... men are jerks. LOL. Then I get back out there....lol.

I know personally I have grown so much over the last circa 8 months. So many first dates, first meetings, first flirts to getting the attention, getting the phone number, getting "my man". What a journey we are on....

Hope to continue to hear your stories....

Hugs,
LB

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Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 12:12pm

Please don't think I'm just sitting around feeling sorry for myself! It isn't even that I'm feeling sad- it's more like a feeling of frustration, coupled with a lost desire to try. Sort of apathetic is I guess how I'd describe my thoughts on dating right now, but not at all my thoughts on the rest of my life! Dating's only one facet.

I sort of liken my life right now to a rubik's cube. All of the colors represent a part of my life, and everything's all lined up except the red and blue, and dating would be blue. A long term relationship would be red. Having those two colors not matching and falling into place is just irritating, since everything else is falling nicely into place. I feel like it only makes me more annoyed that the blue isn't lining up when everything else looks beautiful and is all organized and perfect. You just know that the red will click if only you can get the blue to settle into place. Grrr- don't know how good I am at analagies, but that's fitting right now.

However, this Friday night I have plans with my cousin, brother and sister in law, and girlfriends to go out dancing. Saturday a couple of girlfriends and I are taking our kids shopping, so it'll be a pretty full day at the mall. Next weekend, I'm going skiing with another girlfriend on Saturday. The following weekend is my birthday weekend. I'm going out to dinner with my brother Friday night, skiing and a spa day during the day Saturday with at least one girlfriend, and dancing Saturday night with a whole big group of friends and family. Sunday I'm driving down to PA to see my brother and pick up the kids (he's taking them for the weekend that weekend.)

Between working full time, going to school full time, and having the kids, I'm plenty busy, and truly having a ball doing everything- except dating. I am trying not to stress about it, and keep an open mind, but if I think about my very recent history, it just gets frustrating. However, I'm VERY aware of the flip side to being single!

I love that if I want to spend the day at the mall, or skiing, or in a spa being pampered, there is NO ONE I have to check in with, no one who can tell me I'm wasting my money or time, no one to criticize any of my actions. I do what I want, when I want, and don't have to give a thought to anyone else's preferences or feelings or thoughts. That's pretty cool, especially thinking about all of my upcoming plans.

However, there's also no one to share the joy with. I'm so lucky that I have a wonderful group of friends, whom I'm extremely close to. However, they're all married, or partnered up, and not always available- and no matter how wonderul friends are, it still isn't quite the same.

One cool thing- the reason we're going out Friday night is to celebrate my cousin's 21st birthday. Her boyfriend is actually my age, though, and they're bringing their own group of friends along, too. She cut my hair last night (she's a beginning hairdresser) and so I emailed her the before and after shots for her portfolio. One of her boyfriend's friends saw it, and asked if I was single. He also said he would now definitely be coming out Friday night. Just goes to show you, keep getting out there, keep trying, keep smiling- you never know who might know someone who knows someone.

I am really looking forward to all of my plans, and Cardio and I have made tentative plans to meet early next week for lunch. Obviously, you'll all be the first to know when, where, what, why, and how is goes.

Moody, really feeling more sluggish about the desire to date than anything else


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Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 12:28pm

This is really to everyone:

West, I already responded to you, but no worries, I'm way too busy to think about sitting around feeling sorry for myself on a regular basis.

Drgnfly, I really am not giving up on dating, I just needed some encouragement to keep on keepin' on. Thanks!

Clemmy, that slap on the hand was what I needed. It's hard to not start pre-judging men by the actions of their predecessors. I don't believe all men are crap, I was in a mood, and your (and everyone's) support pulled me out of it. I really am looking forward to meeting Cardio, and the potential friend-of a friend guy this weekend.

LB- you're absolutely right- I am active, and although I'm not usually into generalities, sometimes I just need to vent.

Thank you ALL for reading, providing encouragement, and feedback. I love having this forum available to me, and I hope if nothing else, someone else can draw from my experiences and realize that we're all in the same boat here.

Moody, counting her blessings


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Registered: 09-21-2006
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 1:52pm
I'm late to this thread, but I wanted to send you a cyber (hug). Sheesh, what is it with these guys? Anyway, you go girl, move on. You have a full and rewarding life just on your own and you are young- heck young enough to be my daughter, so you have plenty of time to be picky. Clem has a good point about just asking why, if Boss actually has the decency to let you know he's just not into you. I actually did that once when I had a similar situation, guy seemed totally into to me then- vanish. He responded, was awed I'd have the guts to ask for blunt criticism and then gave me some useful feedback. The very next guy I met was 3 Month Fling Guy and keeping in mind the response I got from Mr. Disapearing Act our first date went a whole lot better than any date I'd had previously. Even though things didn't last for us for numerous reasons, it was great to feel all squirmy again. Especially since I was beginning to worry I wouldn't find that again after 30 years with my X.
Better to have felt all squirmy and then lost it than to never feel squirmy at all! LOL