well, I saw him again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
well, I saw him again...
16
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 1:11am


I went to B and N today for coffee and to read. I was there an hour or so, looked up and there was Grady sitting across the room. I almost laughed, because I don't know if he had seen me or not, or if he just didn't know whether he should say anything. I watched him for awhile, he looked up and saw me. I went over and said hi, he motioned to the other chair at his table and we talked.

He was not pushy but was very interested. He was open, I think he would have answered anything I asked him, but I didn't try to get too personal.

What I learned

he's 49 (YES! he's a tad bit older than ME! but like me he doesn't look or act it, it's great, we know all the same old bands and music and tv shows)
he has an 18 year old son
he's been here 16 months
he likes jazz
he enjoys doing tai chi, hasn't found a teacher here
he walks a lot for exercise
he coached a basketball team for a few years so his son could play on a league team
he's a computer analyst and has a bachelors in computer science
he can't sing unless it's in a choir, can't carry a tune on his own
his parents and sis live in texas
he likes having a couple of good friends rather than a lot of so-so friends

things about me that he was impressed by or liked:
that I am intelligent but down to earth
that I'm getting my masters
I am a quick reader
I can do 700 girl pushups over the course of an hour
I like spending time with my kids
I dress nicely

Something that surprised me, he asked several times what I was thinking (that was always MY job before...hmmm...is that what it's like to have a guy interested in you?)

Once it was when he said he was bored in the town we live in. I was thinking that he was bored because he just hadn't met me yet. LOL...he asked "what are you thinking?' I said "oh lots of things" he said "tell me one?" so I told him maybe he just didn't have the right people to do things with. He said that could be it.

We were talking about our flirting before he spoke Thursday. He was kind of teasing me about it and I said "I don't flirt with just anyone, you know!" and he said ' I noticed that and I am honored that you did flirt with me..." (I think he was serious), and he asked "why did you flirt with me?'...I said "oh, you know why don't you?" He said "no, sometimes people flirt just to flirt"...

wow, that blew me away....that is exACTLY why I didn't say something to him at first. I told him I understood and that was true, and that's one reason why I didn't say anything at first, because some men if you do anything MORE than flirting they get all weird.

I told him that also, sometimes you see someone attractive, you flirt and they flirt back and it's all fun...then you say something and then they open their mouth and...it's ruined. He laughed and said "yeah, I know what you mean. So, that didn't happen this time?" I told him no, actually I was pleasantly surprised. Then I told him that I flirted with him because I found him attractive, just kind of a natural reaction.

Later, he said something about having pizza and then having to go do something really quick, and that he was glad because otherwise he would have eaten the whole thing. I said "you can eat a whole pizza by yourself?" He said, yes...a medium for sure, sometimes a large. He said he had to start exercising more awhile back because he was getting a little too big around the middle. But he said he loves to eat and if he exercises he can eat whatever he wants. Trust me, he looks good...muscular, and not boney. Just what I like.

I told him I like to eat, I said "and I'm not skinny"...he said "you're not?" like he was surprised. I laughed and said "oh, you hadn't noticed?" he said..."well, there's this cultural difference that my friend Scott and I discussed, white guys like thin women with big busts...but black men like women with more meat on them. I don't want someone I have to look for." ROTFL...cracked me up. So, we got the "am I attractive to you" thing out of the way today.

He said he's usually a very private person, but that I had found out a lot about him already. He said he hoped he had not made a bad impression, that he hoped I liked who I saw. It was in a nice, gentlemanly way, not needy. I think he is actually assuming it's his job to win me over.

He mentioned he probably should go at 2 pm, I mentioned it at 3...we finally DID part company at 3:30, but I think he would have hung around. (he's off work right now because of his surgery, a ruptured disc had to be operated on).

When I started gathering my things he said "well, maybe I'll see you here tomorrow"...I leaned back and said "so you really don't want my phone number?" LOL

He said "oh no, I DO want it...let me rephrase that...did you come today prepared to give it to me?" I said "well, I had decided if you asked I would" he very quickly said "then yes, I'd like it"...LOL. So I gave it to him on the back of a Target receipt, he asked me to tear it in half and he gave me his on the other half. I gave him my home AND cell, and so did he. And we gave each other last names. I think he's being careful to give me as much as I want but NOT go too fast and scare me. He SO doesn't know...it would take a lot more to scare me. But I like the not being rushed. It's more fun...having time to digest each meeting makes it better.

So he said he would call me, and I'm going to wait till he does.

We talked about doing a happy hour sometime or going to listen to music

It was nice, altogether a nice "get to know you" time...unplanned and natural. I'm SO glad I took a shower and did my hair before I went out today, though!!!

I am also glad I didn't go to B& N yesterday. I found out he was there for several hours...reading. LOL and probably hoping I would show up. :)

it's so easy...really nice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 9:00pm

Candi,


This is so exciting for you!

Lori
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 10:38pm

Things happen for a reason, maybe you two were meant to meet there at B & N! I can't wait to see how things unfold for you, it all sounds so promising.

I think I may have to start visiting my local B & N for my afternoon caffeine fix!!

Jessie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 9:28am

My town's B&N should have it's grand opening in a couple of weeks. I'll be there!

Candi, sounds like you have a guy very comfortable with verbal intimacy. I think that would throw any of us off! Have fun with it.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 10:26am


Yes, a guy who can carry his part of the conversation...not a bad thing.

Someone kick me in the pants....I'm antsy for him to call. I am NOT going to use his number first...not not not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 2:04pm

SOMEONE COME HOG TIE MY DIALING HAND!!!

I want to talk to Grady but I will NOT call him first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 2:31pm

Don't do it Candi...IT COULD RUIN A GOOD THING!!

Did that help? :)

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 2:49pm


Thanks amy... LOL

I would only want to have a good chat, and I can do that with a friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 2:52pm

"I want to talk to Grady but I will NOT call him first."

Why not??? I may be the only one here who doesn't follow the "rules" but heck, he knows you're interested, you know HE'S interested, it's 2005...if you want something I say go for it!! He did give you his number, right? You don't have to sound desperate or anything, but a quick "I enjoyed chatting with you, would you like to meet me at B & N for coffee later" isn't out of line, IMO. I believe most guys would be flattered.

Jessie


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 3:04pm


It's not about rules it's about human behavior. It's about finding out who a man is and how he'll be if you're with him. I'm quite independent, I'm not afraid to ask a man out and I don't think I have to be "submissive" at ALL. I've asked lots of men out and it's never worked out the way I wanted. I think I finally figured out why.

I was in a marriage where I did the initiating, I kept the dating thing going, and in the end I WAS IN CHARGE OF THE RELATIONSHIP...it sucked and I don't want to go there again. It's not something you can "discuss" with a guy AFTER you have initiated things...All the "talk" in the world doesn't do that. You have to see if a man is capable of doing relationship work. Almost all the women I know come to it naturally, they're trained to be nurterers and relational. Men are NOT...they're trained (especially men my and Grady's age) to be independent, get things done, and may be used to a woman waiting on them and keeping the relationship working. The only way to know is to see how they handle it in the beginning. So far, he's doing really well. If he calls within the week, I'll be impressed. And, honestly, he DOES have to convince me he's worth the trouble.

It's not so different from waiting to see if he's good in a lot of areas...honesty, integrity, generosity. Until I see if he can value me I don't want to invest much time or my heart.

Grady is competitive, competent, strong and he is VERY capable of moving things along, he's already shown me that by taking the first step to introduce himself. I have more than encouraged him. Now I wait to see if he can maintain his end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 6:30pm

I am just getting caught up.

Don't call. Wait. It is always worth the wait.

This is a great update from you, Candi. I did sort of agree with fivesense's cautions about the job - just add it to your mental checklist to do a little digging - it could be okay - or could be a history of something not so good for his age as she says.

At any rate, let him do the leading. Did you do the online check? And of course you will want to find out if he is with someone.

Good luck and keep us posted. As you said, this is all in fun for you. I had that in the airport with a chiropracter who did the race in St. Croix - he was TOTALLY into me - but he is geographically incorrect. It is so much fun to flirt - is good practice.

CHEERS!!

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