well, I saw him again...
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| Sun, 05-01-2005 - 1:11am |
I went to B and N today for coffee and to read. I was there an hour or so, looked up and there was Grady sitting across the room. I almost laughed, because I don't know if he had seen me or not, or if he just didn't know whether he should say anything. I watched him for awhile, he looked up and saw me. I went over and said hi, he motioned to the other chair at his table and we talked.
He was not pushy but was very interested. He was open, I think he would have answered anything I asked him, but I didn't try to get too personal.
What I learned
he's 49 (YES! he's a tad bit older than ME! but like me he doesn't look or act it, it's great, we know all the same old bands and music and tv shows)
he has an 18 year old son
he's been here 16 months
he likes jazz
he enjoys doing tai chi, hasn't found a teacher here
he walks a lot for exercise
he coached a basketball team for a few years so his son could play on a league team
he's a computer analyst and has a bachelors in computer science
he can't sing unless it's in a choir, can't carry a tune on his own
his parents and sis live in texas
he likes having a couple of good friends rather than a lot of so-so friends
things about me that he was impressed by or liked:
that I am intelligent but down to earth
that I'm getting my masters
I am a quick reader
I can do 700 girl pushups over the course of an hour
I like spending time with my kids
I dress nicely
Something that surprised me, he asked several times what I was thinking (that was always MY job before...hmmm...is that what it's like to have a guy interested in you?)
Once it was when he said he was bored in the town we live in. I was thinking that he was bored because he just hadn't met me yet. LOL...he asked "what are you thinking?' I said "oh lots of things" he said "tell me one?" so I told him maybe he just didn't have the right people to do things with. He said that could be it.
We were talking about our flirting before he spoke Thursday. He was kind of teasing me about it and I said "I don't flirt with just anyone, you know!" and he said ' I noticed that and I am honored that you did flirt with me..." (I think he was serious), and he asked "why did you flirt with me?'...I said "oh, you know why don't you?" He said "no, sometimes people flirt just to flirt"...
wow, that blew me away....that is exACTLY why I didn't say something to him at first. I told him I understood and that was true, and that's one reason why I didn't say anything at first, because some men if you do anything MORE than flirting they get all weird.
I told him that also, sometimes you see someone attractive, you flirt and they flirt back and it's all fun...then you say something and then they open their mouth and...it's ruined. He laughed and said "yeah, I know what you mean. So, that didn't happen this time?" I told him no, actually I was pleasantly surprised. Then I told him that I flirted with him because I found him attractive, just kind of a natural reaction.
Later, he said something about having pizza and then having to go do something really quick, and that he was glad because otherwise he would have eaten the whole thing. I said "you can eat a whole pizza by yourself?" He said, yes...a medium for sure, sometimes a large. He said he had to start exercising more awhile back because he was getting a little too big around the middle. But he said he loves to eat and if he exercises he can eat whatever he wants. Trust me, he looks good...muscular, and not boney. Just what I like.
I told him I like to eat, I said "and I'm not skinny"...he said "you're not?" like he was surprised. I laughed and said "oh, you hadn't noticed?" he said..."well, there's this cultural difference that my friend Scott and I discussed, white guys like thin women with big busts...but black men like women with more meat on them. I don't want someone I have to look for." ROTFL...cracked me up. So, we got the "am I attractive to you" thing out of the way today.
He said he's usually a very private person, but that I had found out a lot about him already. He said he hoped he had not made a bad impression, that he hoped I liked who I saw. It was in a nice, gentlemanly way, not needy. I think he is actually assuming it's his job to win me over.
He mentioned he probably should go at 2 pm, I mentioned it at 3...we finally DID part company at 3:30, but I think he would have hung around. (he's off work right now because of his surgery, a ruptured disc had to be operated on).
When I started gathering my things he said "well, maybe I'll see you here tomorrow"...I leaned back and said "so you really don't want my phone number?" LOL
He said "oh no, I DO want it...let me rephrase that...did you come today prepared to give it to me?" I said "well, I had decided if you asked I would" he very quickly said "then yes, I'd like it"...LOL. So I gave it to him on the back of a Target receipt, he asked me to tear it in half and he gave me his on the other half. I gave him my home AND cell, and so did he. And we gave each other last names. I think he's being careful to give me as much as I want but NOT go too fast and scare me. He SO doesn't know...it would take a lot more to scare me. But I like the not being rushed. It's more fun...having time to digest each meeting makes it better.
So he said he would call me, and I'm going to wait till he does.
We talked about doing a happy hour sometime or going to listen to music
It was nice, altogether a nice "get to know you" time...unplanned and natural. I'm SO glad I took a shower and did my hair before I went out today, though!!!
I am also glad I didn't go to B& N yesterday. I found out he was there for several hours...reading. LOL and probably hoping I would show up. :)
it's so easy...really nice.

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Very very well said. Great post and I totally agree.
I loved reading the OP. I hope he calls so I can keep reading about him! If not, you certainly have your head in the right place!
Geographically incorrect. THAT's a new phrase. I like it.
I am waiting...and it's not passive. It's the time I need to digest what we talked about, too...and what I want from him. And I am taking time to think where I am right now, what I would be able and willing to give.
Like I said, if he had called last night or calls tonight I will be busy and we would have to make plans for the weekend, probably. It would be easier if he wasn't so damned hot, though. And it's Spring and all. LOL...BUT, I don't want another sex only relationship...I'm bored with them and I'm not desperate for one.
Each person and new situation is so different. If he doesn't ask me out for this week/weekend I will put him way down the list. It was a lovely conversation and he said the right things. Now I see what he does with it.
I hope he calls too...
There was no way he could doubt that I would like to see him again if he's interested.
He said he would call me. If he doesn't and he didn't mean it, I don't want to see him again. I really think that his giving me his number was more for my reassurance than anything.
We mentioned a couple of possible plans (happy hour or listening to some good, live music, neither of which is going to happen during the weeknights). I'm hoping he will scope something out and give me a call.
For now, though, I would not read too much into when he calls - men do have a tendency to get wrapped up in their jobs and it is the beginning of the week - you might not hear anything until closer to the weekend when he is thinking about it.
You are right to wait and to think about what you want. I think your head is in a good place. It is best to wait for what feels right for you rather than have a torrid fling.
It is fun that you noticed my "geographically incorrect" judgement. I want spontaneity - it is just too much fun to call each other up and dash out to coffee or dinner on a moment's notice.
No, not yet...but really he DOES have a life. His parents live in TX, he could be visiting his mom for Mother's day, or he could be visiting his son. This is his last week off after surgery, he maybe be super busy. I'm just going to not think about it. He said he'd call...I think he will.
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