Well, it's a marvelous night for

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Well, it's a marvelous night for
11
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 12:04am

a moondance, with the stars up above in your eyes, a fantabulous night to make romance 'neath the cover of October skies, and all the leaves on the trees are falling to the sound of the breezes that blow, and I'm trying to please to the calling of your heart-strings that play soft and low, and all the nights magic seems to whisper and hush and the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush....

What a wacky week it's been! I bought a new computer- it arrived today and I'm happily getting used to it.

I started training for a new position at work that I'll be doing part-time in a couple of weeks. It's a huge step up in a department I like better, and the pay is much better, but for the next few months it's going to mean massive amounts of overtime. Guess I know how I'm financing our trip to see Mickey!

I read The Rules for the first time ever this week. I didn't think I'd like it, since in general I am so not a rules girl. However, I've been trying very hard to follow at least some of them, and it seems to be paying off already. I was unavailable during the day for Spec to IM me (not really on purpose, just too busy at work this week to open the messenger) and he called. Nothing extraordinary about that- he often calls on his lunch break, except that I ended the conversation first. He called back, but I was on the phone with a girlfriend, and didn't take the call. He went to voicemail, said he hoped I had a good night. Then he called a couple of hours later. All of this while he was on his breaks from work, and all of it slightly unusual.

This was Tuesday night, and he asked me out for Saturday night. We didn't end up going to see a movie on Sunday since I really just wanted to hang with my kids. He invited us out to eat, but I declined because the kids had been gone all weekend, and I just wanted to spend some alone time with them.

So, I haven't been available to chat via IM at all this week, since things have been nuts- except on Monday night, late, when I was still working on work I'd brought home and he got home from work. As per the rules, I didn't IM him first (although I've never really been the type to, anyhow) and he sent me a message. I ended the conversation fairly quickly since I really did have to get to bed.

So far, these rules seem to be working. I also know that a coworker (not DD) is interested in me. I heard it through the grapevine, though, and unless and until he approaches me, I'm not thinking too much about it. The thing is, the rules won't be at all hard to stick to with the coworker, since although I think he's a really nice guy, and probably a very good one, he's very short, which I simply don't think I can handle, as shallow as that sounds. I'm not limiting myself, and trying to stay open to possibilites, but I also don't think working together would be a great thing- especially since in my new position I's nearly be his supervisor. It isn't technically a supervisor's position, but I will definitely be making decisions that will affect him.

I have had a couple of interesting conversations with Cardio this week, but again, kept them shorter than our normal conversations, and since he hasn't officially asked me out yet, I'm not thinking too much about him. I think he lost his luster for me when i met Spec- but also when I realized that he's as old as my father... I do typically date men that age, but he's as old as my father and not as settled in his life (career, home, visitation with his kids, etc), which wouldn't bother me if he were my age, but at his age I guess I expect more.

My plans with Spec for Saturday include dinner, and then we both said we'll take it from there. I am working all day Saturday, from very early in the morning until the late afternoon, and I will want to spend some time in between work and the date with the princess (Droid will be with his father), so I don't really think I'll be up for anything too strenuous. Of course, that could change. ;-)

So, I'm liking the amount of contact with Spec, the fact that he plans ahead but is flexible, the chemistry is amazing... really the only downside is the distance between us. If he weren't so far away, though, i would probably be seeing him a lot more, which makes it hard to be mysterious. Right now the distance thing is something I can work around. In the not-too distant future, I'll have to see if I can still handle it, or should move on before anyone gets hurt.

The kids are doing so well right now, I'm really enjoying being their mother. My father and I had a lunch date, which was wonderful, and I realized that that was probably the best lunch date I've ever had.

Tomorrow night, the princess is spending the night with my parents since I have to work so early on Saturday, and Droid will be at his dad's, so I have plans to clean their rooms and I'm sure I'll be bringing some work home.

I guess at this point I'm just rambling- hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Moody, in a rambling kind of mood


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 9:29am

Hi Moody,

That's all good news that Spec is calling you! I've never read The Rules because I'm like you... not a rules girl. But the book I read "How to get ..." talks a little about that... and essentially Rules are set up to emulate having a life. lol. In theory, if I have an active life, than I won't be waiting by the phone or anxious over why he hasn't called. Or I'll naturally turned down dates if they aren't courteous to give me advance notice because I will have other plans (which in my case tends to be true)... That's attractive and gives the guy a chase. It's not a game, but the truth about one's life. BUT not all of us have active lives or we tend to think that we have to drop everything for a guy (not attractive) so The Rules help us keep boundaries.

Would you recommend that book to others? I like reading all the articles on iVillage where the men answer commonly asked questions (like why won't he ask me out?)

And I love reading your posts!!!

LB

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 12:38pm

I would recommend the book- it's very much about being busy, happy, active... and not allowing a man to treat you as if he's the only thing in your life.

This isn't playing games, since he WON'T be the only thing in your life. Also, it's about finding a man that you want to marry, but I think even if you're just looking to date and be treated with respect, it could be a valuable book.

A common theme is having an active life, and that's always important, but especially when we're single, I think. If we start active as singles, when we are in a relationship, the relationship won't consume us to the extent of everything else, which isn't very healthy, and doesn't make for happy, long lasting relationships.

Since I am naturally busy, I agree, the rules aren't hard to follow. The ones I have trouble with are slowing things down in the bedroom, but I'm trying to learn.

Moody, playing by the rules most of the time


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 1:18pm
Love Van Morrison, got that song stuck in my head now.
I am not a fan of the concept of that Rules book, it does seem too much like game playing for me. But if it helps you, go for it. I actually am very busy so it is hard for me to get all hung up on a guy. I did curb my enthusiasm if I found I was obsessing about M in the early days of our relationship, but I didn't deliberately avoid his calls or say I'm busy if I'm was not.
Funny thing happened last night. We usually see one another on Thurs evenings after I get done with my class, get together around 8pm and I spend the night if it's a Thurs my DD3 stays overnight at her dad's. M let me know around 9am that he was going to be busy because his sister was coming to AZ and he had to get some reports for work done after he picked her up from the airport and got her to her MIL. So he said if 10pm wasn't too late, we could still get together. So as luck would have it, one of my book clubs was meeting at 7:30 so I told him I'd just go to that and call him when it was over to see if he still wanted to get together. I got done about 10:30pm and pick up my cell phone to see if he's still working or what and my cell had 5 missed calls- all from him! So even after 8 months together he gets nervous if he can't get in touch with me. It was a spend the night Thurs so we still got together, had fun, and he sent me an e-mail today, hasn't done that in ages. If a guy is really into you, it is so much easier. I guess it prooves the Rules work, even if one isn't trying to abide by The Rules. Be a little unavailable and it makes a guy crazy. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 1:46pm
LB - this is an excellent way to summarize the reason for the Rules. I have not read it - but have read about it and think it is great to remind us all to put dating and guys outside on the outer ring of our radar scope - in other words, go about your life and don't go crazy and do all this stuff centered around him - stay balanced and in control - and let time take its course.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 1:48pm
Moody we do indeed LOVE your posts and your creativity with songs. You are on the right track here!! Do keep us posted!! :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 3:14pm

Love the story about your night!

One reason I never read the Rules before is because I hated the thought that it was all about playing games. However, if you really read it, it's exactly what you say- don't lie, simply be busy. It isn't game playing if it's true, and if he's not the right one for you, you won't even really notice.

I have a thing about honesty, and I don't lie or not answer when he calls- but if I'm on another line, I'm not so quick to end that call. I am naturally getting busier and busier, too, so that makes it easy to use the Rules, even though in reality, it's just my life right now.

We're meeting tomorrow night- he's making me dinner. I'm a little nervous and excited, but nothing like I normally would be. We both have to work during the day, so it'll be really nice to just relax and spend time together without having to worry about doing anything extravagant. Also, the space these last two weeks has given me has made me see that although right now I do like Spec, I also think we really need to think about whether or not an actual relationship would ever work between us. not that I'll be telling him that, it's just something I'm keeping in the back of my mind.

Moody, working her fingers to the bone here


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 6:17am

Sounds good! .... of course, Carlos SEEMED 'really into me' in that way - ah well, lesson learned!


Im glad your relationship is going so well!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 6:19am

Yeah, be careful what you tell him ... Lord knows *I* learned the hard way. lol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 9:45am

R- I don't plan to bring anything up just yet, but I'm certainly willing to talk about it if he does. I just know that since I want to be in a relationship, it isn't going to make sense for me to keep dating him if it simply won't work logistically.

I'm sure there are wonderful people in Zimbabwe that I could love- however, a relationship with one of them will never come to be, since the distance is such a huge issue. Obviously Spec isn't quite that far away, but email is email, it doesn't really matter how far away it was sent.

I am just the kind of person who needs regular, frequent interaction when I'm in a relationship.

As for the strenuous activity, I'm at the point where I've had enough space and time that I only remember it was fantastic, but I'm not aching for it anymore... so we'll see.

Moody, working hard


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 12:46pm
Well, how was your date???



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