>>>I wonder though, are men REALLY that stupid? do they really NOT know what we want?<<<<
This one's tough. Sometimes they just don't know, but then sometimes we don't know what they want either. Or sometimes we do know what they want, but we don't want to admit that what they want is no committment but still having an exclusive relationship that lasts however long it lasts. And there are times when I think they know exactly what we want, they just don't want to tell us they know because they don't want to give that to us.
Candi, I am reminding you, that this is a Special OP's guy. What you want is not what you are going to get. I tried this for years. It's impossible. This is their life, you have to take what your going to get. You will not know where he is to be reached when he is gone. It's just not possible. Your personal wants and needs will not be met. Most of these guys are also very selfish. Be careful. I Loved one for years and years, but the man and all of his friends are weren't worth shining my shoes. They stick together. They are family, where most don't have family. They are the unit, the unit sticks together. Brotherhood. It's a tight bond. No mother, father, sibling, girlfriend or woman, comes close to this bond. They listen to one another on everything, they live a wild life together, including women. Their hearts cannot be opened. You have to accept everything. They are taught not to think emotion. I know how it all is. I've been down that road. I have other men I know that are in Special OP's that go through the same thing. I am starting to understand that alot of it is just brain washed out of them to think love and emotion. To many hard years, to much seeing. Either you have to accept it, or leave it. I say leave it, before you get seriously hurt. As for him having time for you. FORGET IT. He has no time. He is in constant training. He is on constant missions. Candi, the man cannot make time even if he wanted too. Taking a week off to be with you is just not possible. The things you want from him are not things you can ask of him. It is beyond his control and you are asking to much for a man that is in this position. I recommend you stay away and keep him away from your kids. He is not family oriented material, he will never be able to be that until he gets out of that job. Even then, probably not. Your always talking about watching for red flags, this guy is a red flag, because he'll hurt you in the end, not because he wants too, but because he can't give you what you want. I know how it is to love one of the men, but believe me, get out before you get in too deep. Your taking to much time over analyzing this again, when deeeeeeeeepppppppp down you know this has no future.
Big hugs darlin, I know how hard it is with these guys. They just have that mystery in them and that life that is quite fascinating and hard to keep your fingers away.
Well I can relate to that Candi. It's almost been 20 yrs for me and Scott and a child to show it (Alex), but I know I won't be able to change how things are, no matter how close we are and how strange we both fit. We are made for each other, we are soul mates. We love each other but we can't be together. You most likely won't get the answer your seeking. I never did. You just have to learn to accept. I've finally done that, but it took 20 yrs. I've finally stopped to look at whose fault it was. Mine or his, we both made mistakes, but things aren't going to change and I don't think you are going to get the answer you want. Most likely, like me, you'll end up with more questions. They are good at that.
It really doesn't matter what the answer is. I just want him to know that I've changed and we can't be together unless he does also. I don't think he will, and that's ok.
I want him to know that he's a good man in my book, regardless.
This sounds like true love that needs a better shot of timing. When will he have a shot at being done with active duty? Or do you think he will always want the duty?
It's not about BEING dumb, it's about PLAYING dumb, don't you think? Like kids testing limits...men will do the same thing: hmm, just what exactly will she let me get away with? Like 'they' say, it's up to you to teach him how to treat you.
Well seeing that her needs weren't met and Candi felt empty, I would say, that he wasn't putting her on his pedestal and Candi just wants and answer, that I said I don't think she'll get. I never said they were cold hearted or anything else mean, they just have a different way of prioritizing things and showing emotions. I totally agree with what you say, when they commit, they commit to all, but the women either have to accept and understand their life or leave it. That's all. I've been around these men most of my life; I know them very well. I am sure you do too, but we are all in agreement, they are a different breed. Women do not come first in their lives. It's their Country, their Friends, Mission and Family. You have to learn to accept that you will be toward the bottom of the list, that their job is their life. That is why I didn't marry my X, because I couldn't live that life. One of my pen pals who is in Special OP's said to me just last week here is his direct quote from his email:
As far as being alone, no it is not something I enjoy. I do yearn greatly for companionship and I regret not having a family. Dying alone is not the nicest thought. But I am extremely good at what I do. My position in the Navy is a valuble asset to the Navy and Marine Corps. I know how to survive on the battle field, I can push out all of the distractions of pain, fear and death so I can totaly focus on what I have to do. I save lives on the battle field, I lead others in the saving of lives on the battle field. I believe that some of us have a greater purpose than our own personal needs. If the cost of the many lives I have saved is my lonliness, then I consider that a small cost. My heart is not closed, it is open, open to my country, open to my Marines, open to my Sailors, it is open to my family who is protected by my sacrifices. As long as I place myself in peril why would I drag a woman and children into that peril, for that it is better to be alone.
This is what I meant. Nothing more. I just probably didn't say it very well. He says it better. Has nothing to do with a cold heart.
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I think you are handling this spectacularly well.
>>>I wonder though, are men REALLY that stupid? do they really NOT know what we want?<<<<
This one's tough. Sometimes they just don't know, but then sometimes we don't know what they want either. Or sometimes we do know what they want, but we don't want to admit that what they want is no committment but still having an exclusive relationship that lasts however long it lasts. And there are times when I think they know exactly what we want, they just don't want to tell us they know because they don't want to give that to us.
Candi, I am reminding you, that this is a Special OP's guy. What you want is not what you are going to get. I tried this for years. It's impossible. This is their life, you have to take what your going to get. You will not know where he is to be reached when he is gone. It's just not possible. Your personal wants and needs will not be met. Most of these guys are also very selfish. Be careful. I Loved one for years and years, but the man and all of his friends are weren't worth shining my shoes. They stick together. They are family, where most don't have family. They are the unit, the unit sticks together. Brotherhood. It's a tight bond. No mother, father, sibling, girlfriend or woman, comes close to this bond. They listen to one another on everything, they live a wild life together, including women. Their hearts cannot be opened. You have to accept everything. They are taught not to think emotion. I know how it all is. I've been down that road. I have other men I know that are in Special OP's that go through the same thing. I am starting to understand that alot of it is just brain washed out of them to think love and emotion. To many hard years, to much seeing. Either you have to accept it, or leave it. I say leave it, before you get seriously hurt. As for him having time for you. FORGET IT. He has no time. He is in constant training. He is on constant missions. Candi, the man cannot make time even if he wanted too. Taking a week off to be with you is just not possible. The things you want from him are not things you can ask of him. It is beyond his control and you are asking to much for a man that is in this position. I recommend you stay away and keep him away from your kids. He is not family oriented material, he will never be able to be that until he gets out of that job. Even then, probably not. Your always talking about watching for red flags, this guy is a red flag, because he'll hurt you in the end, not because he wants too, but because he can't give you what you want. I know how it is to love one of the men, but believe me, get out before you get in too deep. Your taking to much time over analyzing this again, when deeeeeeeeepppppppp down you know this has no future.
Big hugs darlin, I know how hard it is with these guys. They just have that mystery in them and that life that is quite fascinating and hard to keep your fingers away.
I'm aware of all of this Cat, I
It really doesn't matter what the answer is. I just want him to know that I've changed and we can't be together unless he does also. I don't think he will, and that's ok.
I want him to know that he's a good man in my book, regardless.
OK, obviously I'm missing a lot here, but I just had to interject.
http://somedaysijustworkhere.blogspot.com/">![]()
When will he have a shot at being done with active duty? Or do you think he will always want the duty?
Well seeing that her needs weren't met and Candi felt empty, I would say, that he wasn't putting her on his pedestal and Candi just wants and answer, that I said I don't think she'll get. I never said they were cold hearted or anything else mean, they just have a different way of prioritizing things and showing emotions. I totally agree with what you say, when they commit, they commit to all, but the women either have to accept and understand their life or leave it. That's all. I've been around these men most of my life; I know them very well. I am sure you do too, but we are all in agreement, they are a different breed. Women do not come first in their lives. It's their Country, their Friends, Mission and Family. You have to learn to accept that you will be toward the bottom of the list, that their job is their life. That is why I didn't marry my X, because I couldn't live that life.
One of my pen pals who is in Special OP's said to me just last week here is his direct quote from his email:
As far as being alone, no it is not something I enjoy. I do yearn greatly
for companionship and I regret not having a family. Dying alone is not
the nicest thought. But I am extremely good at what I do. My position in the Navy is a valuble asset to the Navy and Marine Corps. I know how
to survive on the battle field, I can push out all of the distractions
of pain, fear and death so I can totaly focus on what I have to do. I
save lives on the battle field, I lead others in the saving of lives on the
battle field. I believe that some of us have a greater purpose than
our own personal needs. If the cost of the many lives I have saved is my
lonliness, then I consider that a small cost. My heart is not closed, it
is open, open to my country, open to my Marines, open to my Sailors, it
is open to my family who is protected by my sacrifices. As long as I
place myself in peril why would I drag a woman and children into that peril,
for that it is better to be alone.
This is what I meant. Nothing more. I just probably didn't say it very well. He says it better. Has nothing to do with a cold heart.
- Catherine
Catherine, I wasn't necessarily disagreeing with you about the nature of men.
http://somedaysijustworkhere.blogspot.com/">![]()
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