I totally agree. And I could not say it better than what you just said, Catherine.
My ex was married to three women: his job, his mother and then lastly and only sometimes, me. I will not repeat that mistake. I was really glad that I found that book about what it takes to fall in love and stay in love.
Incidentally, Willard Harvey is the SAME author who gave the list of the 10 emotional needs that I posted last week and we all put into priority last week on this board.
He has an explanation that when emotional needs are filled you deposit "love dollars" in one's emotional bank account. Having sex and enjoying recreational companionship are the two greatest ways to do that. This is why it is important to have enough time together.
It is also important, in his opinion, for why you should try to find things to do that you both enjoy together rather than do everything separate. Couples might not have to do everything together and everyone would obviously have an opinion about having alone time. But his theory is good for a long range plan over time. If you try to have fun together you will have more of a chance of being together.
But this message was further hit home after my online dating experiences of more than a year with getting to meet many men. Many of the ones on there work a lot and travel a lot or they go off fishing/golfing a lot. They want a GF/SO/wife to be there for them but not the other way around.
So I guess you could say time is a big issue to me. I don't want to be in a place again where I watch my marriage crumble over 10 years because someone doesn't want to make the time for me and would rather take a vacation to see their mother.
I am a busy person so I know I am not clingy or needy. But I do have my standards and I won't settle. I accept that my decision does mean alone time for however long it takes.
I just remembered one more thing that Harvey said, in another book on dating.
He explained that there are three types of people in the dating world: Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders.
Freeloaders only want their needs met and they don't care about the other person. This type of person would go off on a boating trip all weekend without care of the other person sitting at home without them.
Renters only want to make trades - I will do this if you do that. This type would say you go to your sister's house while I go on the boating trip.
Buyers want to negotiate a win win - they never sacrifice the other person's happiness for their own. They work to be creative to keep both people happy. This person would work with his or her mate to have a fabulous weekend together where both are happy. Maybe it would include taking the sister boating.
I thought this was interesting and a good way to judge dating partners.
I also agree a 100% on all of your posts. I want someone to grow with, otherwise, I consider it as having a relationship with a ghost. Can't really see, feel or touch it and only comes around when he feels like it. LOL.
I've had mainly the Freeloaders and the Renters and very rarely, the Buyer. So rare in fact, that I can't even think of the one that did. It's been long distance all my life and understanding the other person's situation all my life, but rarely the shoe on the other foot. Therefore, I am no longer going to get involved until I can have something solid that I know I can build on. I too am a strong individual with my own independence, but it doesn't mean I want someone in my life that doesn't take time to think of me and my needs and wants to spend that time with me and grow with me. I have yet to find the male that let's go of his friends, and his other list of a 100 things and puts me on top. I've always accepted other things coming first, but not anymore. It just makes me look as if I think I am not worth being on top and I am, because I will cover his back and I will put him on top of my list as well. I'm a buyer and I want a buyer too.
He has an explanation that when emotional needs are filled you deposit "love dollars" in one's emotional bank account. Having sex and enjoying recreational companionship are the two greatest ways to do that. This is why it is important to have enough time together.
Hey, West, I read about something similar... maybe it was the same guy, but
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I totally agree. And I could not say it better than what you just said, Catherine.
My ex was married to three women: his job, his mother and then lastly and only sometimes, me. I will not repeat that mistake. I was really glad that I found that book about what it takes to fall in love and stay in love.
Incidentally, Willard Harvey is the SAME author who gave the list of the 10 emotional needs that I posted last week and we all put into priority last week on this board.
He has an explanation that when emotional needs are filled you deposit "love dollars" in one's emotional bank account. Having sex and enjoying recreational companionship are the two greatest ways to do that. This is why it is important to have enough time together.
It is also important, in his opinion, for why you should try to find things to do that you both enjoy together rather than do everything separate. Couples might not have to do everything together and everyone would obviously have an opinion about having alone time. But his theory is good for a long range plan over time. If you try to have fun together you will have more of a chance of being together.
But this message was further hit home after my online dating experiences of more than a year with getting to meet many men. Many of the ones on there work a lot and travel a lot or they go off fishing/golfing a lot. They want a GF/SO/wife to be there for them but not the other way around.
So I guess you could say time is a big issue to me. I don't want to be in a place again where I watch my marriage crumble over 10 years because someone doesn't want to make the time for me and would rather take a vacation to see their mother.
I am a busy person so I know I am not clingy or needy. But I do have my standards and I won't settle. I accept that my decision does mean alone time for however long it takes.
I just remembered one more thing that Harvey said, in another book on dating.
He explained that there are three types of people in the dating world: Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders.
Freeloaders only want their needs met and they don't care about the other person. This type of person would go off on a boating trip all weekend without care of the other person sitting at home without them.
Renters only want to make trades - I will do this if you do that. This type would say you go to your sister's house while I go on the boating trip.
Buyers want to negotiate a win win - they never sacrifice the other person's happiness for their own. They work to be creative to keep both people happy. This person would work with his or her mate to have a fabulous weekend together where both are happy. Maybe it would include taking the sister boating.
I thought this was interesting and a good way to judge dating partners.
I also agree a 100% on all of your posts. I want someone to grow with, otherwise, I consider it as having a relationship with a ghost. Can't really see, feel or touch it and only comes around when he feels like it. LOL.
I've had mainly the Freeloaders and the Renters and very rarely, the Buyer. So rare in fact, that I can't even think of the one that did. It's been long distance all my life and understanding the other person's situation all my life, but rarely the shoe on the other foot. Therefore, I am no longer going to get involved until I can have something solid that I know I can build on. I too am a strong individual with my own independence, but it doesn't mean I want someone in my life that doesn't take time to think of me and my needs and wants to spend that time with me and grow with me. I have yet to find the male that let's go of his friends, and his other list of a 100 things and puts me on top. I've always accepted other things coming first, but not anymore. It just makes me look as if I think I am not worth being on top and I am, because I will cover his back and I will put him on top of my list as well. I'm a buyer and I want a buyer too.
I think this is a huge realization for both of us. And now that we see it and realize it and want it we are going to get it.
Amen sister!!
He has an explanation that when emotional needs are filled you deposit "love dollars" in one's emotional bank account. Having sex and enjoying recreational companionship are the two greatest ways to do that. This is why it is important to have enough time together.
Hey, West, I read about something similar... maybe it was the same guy, but
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