Well, this should be interesting...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Well, this should be interesting...
37
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 10:20am

I'm sending J flowers to her office today.

I figure either she'll think I'm the greatest guy on earth, or some nut-job psycho stalker.

I wonder if she will call when she gets them?

Opinions?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 8:14am
dang! I am not finding the RIGHT stalkers obviously. A car might win me over! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 8:43am

On the topic of safe internet dating, ivillage had an article where they listed a couple of resources to check up on an online match. Assuming you know their full name of course, you can go to DatingChecks.com or PublicData.com. On the latter, you can look up a person's driver's licence and see if they are married.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 10:59am

Sheese, with the way the replies are scattered all over the board here, I don't know if this thread can be followed.

Anyway, I wanted to say that I tried eHarmony and didn't like it. If I remember, that was the one that wouldn't show you each other's pictures. I did get "matches" out of it, but they were very strange. Not in terms of being weirdos, but in terms of who I am.

I thought that it was unfair to these women to match me up with them and them not know what I look like. Each of the women that I was matched with was some sort of professional or successful business woman, most of them with Masters or Doctorates. All of them lived in big cities and had large incomes (although mine now matches what they were making).

I'm intelligent and well read, but I am after all a blue collar country boy with long hair and ear rings and technical schools instead of a degree. No matter how many movies Lifetime TV makes, I just don't think that romances like that will work out.

I think that people in the center of the normal curve could do well on eHarmony, but it isn't for people who are on the outer edges for one reason or another.

I think that it was Match.com that gave me a test that showed the profile of women that I found attractive though, and that was a real eye opener. Although I thought that the test was flawed because they didn't have attractive older women and their base of pictures didn't offer a wide enough choice to actually pick your direction sometimes, never the less I thought it was remarkable.

I took the test in about 1/4 the time that they said it would take. The results first off said that I was exceptionally fast in taking the test, meaning that I knew exactly what I liked and didn't like. Then they showed me a composite picture of the "type" of woman that I liked. I was really amazed because I thought the picture was breathtaking, and I had never thought of myself as having a "type". Unfortunately, neither eHarmony nor Match.com seemed to have anyone of that "type". Or they did, but evidently I wasn't THEIR type.

Michael

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 11:05am

Oh my gosh Amy, you are talking to the QUEEN of online safety with Candi - she taught me the trick of looking up someone in the courthouse records. Amazing thing to learn.

I also search on the property appraiser's site to see if they have real estate and make sure it isn't owned by a couple.

And of course there is google.

Amazing what you can find!! And you are right that you have to do some digging with online dating. I always say Guilty until proven innocent with that one!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 11:08am

I think you have total control with the photos thing - if you are a paid member on eharmony then you allow your photo to be shown to
a) everyone
b) only paid members with a photo
c) on a case by case basis

I always chose case by case basis.

I don't think you should assume that a big city girl would not want a blue collar boy - I would rather have a nice guy who is blue collar and happy with his job than a maniac white collar guy who is really married to his job.

The real issue would be if you would feel comfortable with a woman who makes more money than you I guess.

As for me, I am done with online dating. No more for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 11:32am

LOL...*straightening my crown* Thanks Judy


I always figure...a divorce record and a traffic ticket or two are fine, but when it gets to bad checks passed or other criminal infractions...I don't need the drama.


I'm not getting dates online again either, though sometimes they're interesting to look through. Reminds me why I don't do it. :)


I did see someone on there I actually know though, this week. Someone from the diversity group. I've considered dropping him a friendly line...no dating though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 2:54am

Yes, I remember something about the photos on eHarmony. I think though, that they tried to discourage you from posting a photo until after several letters had been exchanged. I have mixed feelings about the value of that. I find that intelligent, well educated women seem much more attracted to me when they know me by my writing than by my appearance. And I haven't been wild about the women who have been attracted to me for my appearance. So, I don't know if it's good or bad.

Anyway, in looking at a woman's job/income, it's not about her making more money, but where and how she makes it. My ex made more than I did for quite a few years and she was the one that was angry about it. Of course, she was also angry when I made more money than she did.

But in terms of a match, I won't move to the city, this is as urban as I get. Unfortunately, none of those women could have made that kind of money within 75 miles of where I live, and many would have had to leave the state. If someone pursues an education and profession that requires that they live in a metro area, they aren't going to be happy in my area. There are way too many Lifetime movies ("The Movie Star and the Cowboy", "The Heiress and the Carpenter", "The Super Model and the Bum", etc.) that have the idea of the sophisticated, educated, rich professional woman who is unhappy and doesn't know it until she meets the blue collar country guy. Anyone close to my age needs to have known what they want in life long before they meet me.

That was really the problem I had with the Mexican woman. She could not give up her professional life and move here. I think the same thing would happen with most other professional women.

I'm friends with a lot of urban people, and they actually value me in part because my insights are different from what they get from the people with whom they normally associate (part of the reason for my being put on regional committees and boards). But I have a life style that my kids and I enjoy and I won't change it. I make good money for where I live, but I also know that I make only 60-75% of what I'd make if I lived in a metro area. In some areas, such as Detroit or Houston, I could easily triple my income.

Michael

Pages