What attracts you to Mr. Wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
What attracts you to Mr. Wrong?
13
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:17am

This was brought up in another message board & I thought it might be fun to remember our younger days.................when we were not to smart about what we wanted & maybe didnt care that much anyway.

-This was my response & remember this is just for fun, so don't take any of it to serious! I would love to hear some of your responses!

-I my experience I have been attracted to MR. Wrong because he is always the misterious, unavailable, fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants guy. The guy who looks good, but without care for safety or the guy who makes you feel dangerous. Like when you used to go parking when you were younger. He will call you without remorse for time. He doesn't fill your dreams, but yet your desires. He brings out the bad girl & moves on just as quick. He is always "HOT" & makes you feel the same. When your with him your life is a whirlwind of crazy times & when he is gone your not sorry because of the memories he has left you with. The skinny dipping in your neighbors pool when they were out for the night, the time he took you riding on his Harley & you stayed gone for 5 hours, and even the time you drank beer, not just beer, but BushLite. LOL

That is what attracts me to Mr. Wrong!

Traci

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:50am
I've never dated a bad boy like that. My Mr.Wrongs are control freaks. As my brother once said though, all men are control freaks. Some more than others, but they all like a certain amount of control.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:55am

Traci:

I can say that I've only dated one "Mr. Wrong", and he definitely was all wrong for me. I can't even blame youth on this one, because I was in my mid 30's when I met him. He was living down the block from me with one of my neighbors. My family refers to him as the "biker" guy (big guy, long hair, beard & mustache). If I only knew then what I know now. It's real simple -- he was a rebound relationship and a very big mistake. He came into my life at one of the worst times in my life. The man I was dating for 2 years and totally head-over-heels in love with, had just taken off with my little sister. I was devastated and a total mess. Then biker guy surfaced. I had absolutely no business dating anyone at that time. At first, I put him off, then a couple months later, I started dating him, then he moved in. Looking back at it all now, I can't even imagine what the hell I was thinking except that I wasn't thinking and I think I was looking to replace someone that I really loved. At first, things were good. Then they turned bad. It was without a doubt the worst relationship I was ever in, and I thank God I had the strength (with the help of my family) to kick him out and get my life back. If this guy had come around now or at a different time in my life, I probably would have never given him a second look. I always said I would never date guys with hair longer than mine. LOL. I was hurt, vulnerable and stupid. I'm like my dad; I always learn things the hard way. I learned that being alone is ALWAYS better than being in a horrible relationship.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:58am

My definition of Mr. Wrong is that he's a guy that is wrong for me, not necessarily wrong for everyone. I have always picked a Mr. Wrong for the following reasons:

- My dad was a Mr. Wrong (good provider, bad husband and father). He was also not around when I was young and then when I was 11, he killed himself. I had no example of what a husband/father should be (no replacement father figures either). I have abandonment issues from him that led me to pick men that 'needed' me in some way, usually financially. That way I knew they could not leave me and that made me feel safe. When I was younger, I could not have recognized a strong, independent, emotionally healthy male adult even if one had dropped into my lap. Oddly, none did.

- I fell hard for my first bf. I was 17, he was 23. When he decided to dump me he just cut me off. We went from letters and phone calls every day to nothing, no answering the phone, no explanation. Talk about reliving my abandonment issues! Finally after a few weeks his roomate took pity on me and told me my bf was seeing someone else. I didn't leave my room for a week and didn't eat. After a few months I pulled myself together and went off to school, where I became depressed. I slept a lot and didn't go to class much. At halloween his new gf sent me a wedding invitation with their lovely picture on the front! I started drinking heavily. The depression subsided after I dropped out of school, and eventually the drinking did too. But from then on I closed my heart. I did not get emotionally invested in my relationships after that (until my current one, but of course, this is more than a decade later and I've grown a lot).

- My parents divorced when I was three, and I was raised by a single mother that never had another relationship until I was grown (at least not one's I was a witness to) and none of my uncles stepped up to the plate. The only example I had to follow was that of a strong woman/mother who didn't need a man. I grew up and picked men that (in addition to needing me financially) did not want to take control of anything, and prefered I make all the decisions and be responsible for everything. This is all I knew how to do and that is all I did do for years. I had no concept of someone being an equal partner. I didn't even think to look for that. My mom couldn't help teach me how to find a Mr. Right because she didn't know how to identify one herself (she admits now that she still doesn't know how to do that).

So what will help me find Mr. Right? I think the fact I have a good therpist and I know what led to my previous bad choices will help a lot. I hope it does. I also know I'll never be done learning and making mistakes and there are no guarantees, so I'm going to try and enjoy the ride from here on out.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2002
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 12:16pm

can I join?

I know my history was men who always told me what I wanted to hear...but couldnt back it up. Made me feel so sexy and desirable but their actions never seemed to back up their words until I tried to leave and then they bait you for a day or 2 to keep you hooked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 12:29pm

I think I have always been attracted to the CEO/king of his roost - hot - good looking - smart - on top of his game and the best in the town.

The trouble, though, is that this one is married to his career and has little time or emotional space for intimacy or a relationship.

My mom is very passive in her ability to communicate what she wants and I think that further makes this worse because I tend to never speak up for myself or set boundaries to keep myself happy.

My parents are happy and still together - but they always stressed the importance of success and achievement - more so than the happiness of the person and social skills. I feel that I did not develop my dating and social skills until now at age 42.

Now for the first time in my life, I want a homebody. Someone to be my best friend and who will see me as Mrs. Right. I have done a lot of work to understand relationships and what makes them work. I am also focusing more on what he can bring to me than the other way around - I think I worried about the other person more than myself.

It will be exciting to see what 2005 brings!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 2:48pm


I was attracted to the "unpleasable", no emotion except anger, controlling type in my youth. That's how my dad was and my ex seemed "normal" to me. I was with him for 19 years.

Now, I don't think I'm attracted to a particular type, but it's hard to find a guy who is emotionally able to connect.

I want someone who is a partner, takes half the responsibility for the relationship, and supports me in my goals as I would in his. I want someone who considers me an incredible asset in his life. A practical guy with a poet's soul would be good. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 10:46pm

Mine is the "trophy" boyfriend. LOL The really good looking, charming, great body, awesome smile guy. The one that makes the other girls jealous of me when they see him on my arm. He's great in bed and he makes me laugh and every time with him is a good time...

Except when we are trying to have a meaningful conversation. He's lacking in substance, but I don't care. He's GREAT in bed, and I have no worries when I'm with him. Except I don't feel like I can really count on him for much more...and when I think about it...if we're not having sex, I wouldn't really want him as a friend...

LOL
This was the guy I dated for 6 months after I separated from my ex. He was the perfect FWB. There wasn't much to "fall" for there, so it was safe for me...I have fond memories, but probably wouldn't do it again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 8:11am

I think that my Mr. Wrong is just not quite available.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 9:09am

Don't beat yourself up. I think that it takes time to realize that a guy needs a lot of time to get separated and over a divorce. Now you know and are wiser.

I have a friend who is/was dating a guy who has been separated for 10 or 15 years. He is very wealthy and loves her dearly and wants to marry her. But he cannot bring himself to divorce his estranged wife who is the mother of their grown children. She lives in another state and does not want the status of divorce. It is a mess and they are always going around and around.

He actually offered her a contract to quit her job and live with him and if he leaves her or they break up she gets a lot of money.

He really is "that into her" and they have so much fun together. I am not sure what to even tell her other than to follow her gut feeling.

Avatar for tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 2:54pm

Well unfortunately, i think i can safely say I've been with every type of Mr. Wrong that has been described here today.

My first real love, the guy I lost my virginity to, I met when I was 15 at our job at the supermarket. And we flirted alot and I was so into him and thought for awhile he was into me too. Then i found out he had a gf. I was so crazy about this boy I skipped school to go to his house to make-out. Months later, a friend of mine bumped into him and he professed his remorse at having lied to me and the next thing you know, we were seeing each other again, supposedly he was only seeing me this time (now looking back, i seriously doubt it!) and I slept with him. We had this stormy on and off thing for a good year and a half where I sneak out of my house in the middle of the night to go off with him. We even went in my parent's car in my driveway to fool around before either of us had a car. Yep, that was the start of it.

After that, I had the physically abusive boyfriend, I had the married guy, I had the "just not that into you" guy, I had the "control freak" guy, I had the emotionally "unavailable" guy, the druggie, you name it, I've dated or married him ;).

Now, luckily I am with a good guy. Who is 100% honest with me, I don't worry about him cheating on me, he's never been married or had kids so he doesn't have a lot of baggage. Sometimes he's so good, he drives me nuts. ;) But old habits die hard don't they? Luckily, I'm wise enough now to appreciate that he's a good person through and through and treats me pretty great. He's not perfect but he's 110% better than any other guy I've been with and pretty near perfect to me. ;)

(moral of the story? You can break old habits!)

Hugs
Tara

 

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