What attracts you to Mr. Wrong?
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| Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:17am |
This was brought up in another message board & I thought it might be fun to remember our younger days.................when we were not to smart about what we wanted & maybe didnt care that much anyway.
-This was my response & remember this is just for fun, so don't take any of it to serious! I would love to hear some of your responses!
-I my experience I have been attracted to MR. Wrong because he is always the misterious, unavailable, fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants guy. The guy who looks good, but without care for safety or the guy who makes you feel dangerous. Like when you used to go parking when you were younger. He will call you without remorse for time. He doesn't fill your dreams, but yet your desires. He brings out the bad girl & moves on just as quick. He is always "HOT" & makes you feel the same. When your with him your life is a whirlwind of crazy times & when he is gone your not sorry because of the memories he has left you with. The skinny dipping in your neighbors pool when they were out for the night, the time he took you riding on his Harley & you stayed gone for 5 hours, and even the time you drank beer, not just beer, but BushLite. LOL
That is what attracts me to Mr. Wrong!
Traci

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I don't ever remember any of the 'nice guys' lasting more than six months. I've had 3 relationships that lasted more than 4 years. They were all with 'Mr Wrong'.
First one was from the age 14 to 18. He was five years older than me. He had a 6 inch pillar box red mohican. I was a brown flick haired studious girl. He was soooo exciting! He took me to places I'd never been. Introduced me to music I'd never have found in the mainstream. I adored him. He put me through it BIG TIME!! But it was sooo exciting! In the end I grew out of it. Got sick of the insecurity of it all and finally walked away.
Second one I actually married. He was a bad boy. Drugs, burglary, all that kind of crap. But I thought I could fix stuff for him. He was quite well behaved while we were together. I made it clear that I wouldn't stick with him if he didn't toe the line. And he did. And it bored me. He also had a temper which was the reason I gave for ending the marriage. Looking back now I think there's a possibility that maybe I got bored. He had nothing to offer me anymore.
Third one ended a few weeks ago. Lovely guy really but a ten year age gap (ten years younger than me) was just too much. He's wasn't ready to commit. It sounds a contradiction that HE wasn't ready to commit but I ended it even though my main problem was that things were becoming samey.
I don't really want a nice guy. I have no need for one. A nice guy is the guy who will adore me whatever. Who will provide for me (I want to provide for myself thanks!!), a guy who will make me think well of myself? If you can't love yourself then no-one else will?!
I want a man who excites me. A man that makes me think outside of what's good for me. A man who pushes me to extremes. A man who can light the fire that somehow doesn't seem to thrive in the world I find myself in.
I HAVE to be responsible (not that I'm complaining about it), I HAVE to pay my bills (why would I look for someone to help with that? I've been doing it for years), I don't need a father for my kids (they have one, even if he is rubbish!).
What do I want a guy for? I want a guy to give my life some thrills. I want a guy who will make my heart race in no way that no nice guy EVER will!
This leads to my downfall. Forever to deal with the heartbreak my choices lead me to.
My friends tell me to look for the nice guys. That all the heart ache is uneccessary. The thing that stings the most? They tell me I'm setting a bad example to DD. And they're right. How will she ever find a man that will fulfill her life if any guy that comes through her life are losers because that is the form she has followed?
Then it will be my own fault. She can hold me fully responsible. Because I don't need a man. I only want them for the excitement. I want someone to make me spark and I have NEVER found a nice guy that does that for me. My life is hard work. BUT I can do it. And I don't rely on anyones help. I do it alone. I want a guy who can make all that fade away when I am with him.
I pride myself on being a good parent. My kids are happy, intelligent, independant, well behaved and thoroughly amazing.
Any guy in my life is purely for my personal entertainment and there's nothing more entertaining than a bad boy!!!!!
Dawn xx
Tara,
What do you think made the difference with you and your attraction to your current SO now? How did you break the old habit?
I think my relationship stories are very similar to yours. Before my marriage to my exh, my 20s were filled with dating the wrong kind of man. I wanted someone fun and had no priority set on getting married or getting settled - everything was about me having my career. Dating was something on the sideline - it was whoever happened to be in the picture and there were plenty of men - I would drop the current one whenever a better one came along.
My long dry spell right now must be karma for all of that!!
My exh was very small-minded and controlling. He is a lot like his mom who never liked me. He just never made me feel good about myself and he was never there for me.
Ironically, now at 42 I really want to be a wife and mother and have a happy home, someone who will make me feel good about myself and be "that into me" - maybe all of this will make a difference for me?
I think my only fear is that I don't want someone who will change me. I feel very picky right now. I don't want someone who has a really unhealthy/unfit lifestyle, has bad kids or a bad ex, rides a motorcycle, smokes, is an atheist, does drugs or has bad financial habits. Sigh.... it feels like I am trying to find a needle in a haystack.
Tough question. I think part of it is age and maturity and having the responsibility for two young children. I think part of it is just having done more with my life (i.e., standing up for myself in court with my ex, graduating college) and feeling more self-esteem/self-worth, thinking I deserve better than what I was getting.
I also think that part of it is that we have a hot sex life and even though he's a very upstanding citizen ;0, he is a very "naughty" boy in all the good ways. So this relationship still allows me to have that passion and heat I crave without totally corrupting everything else in my life. And he though he can be that "bad boy" also respects and loves me, he's not interested in anyone else and would never do anything to purposely hurt me. I made the conscious choice that I'd rather have a man who is 110% into me and is a wonderful person with a big heart who blows me away in the passion dept. even if he can be a little more conventional than I am and definitely more of a homebody than I am. When I want to go out, if he doesn't want to go, he doesn't mind if I go out with friends. I encourage him to go out with his friends. And when we stay home and cuddle, like we did today, it's a great time. ;)
So though we have our moments (BELIEVE ME!) and it ain't perfect, it's pretty darn great!
Hugs
Tara
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