what to do ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2010
what to do ?
2
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 1:24pm

Hey.. First, a few words about myself.. The last couple of years had really changed me in the best way.. I found out about my pregnancy at about four months, because of some hormonal problems, and it really was a shock for me and everyone else.. The second major shock that knocked me off my feet was that i was having twins.. I really wasn't prepared for that, living' my life as any person at my age, going to parties, going out with friends and all of those fun stuff.. At first, their father was really proud and happy, but things changed.. He got easily influenced by people around him, mom and friends, and after 3 months of "not knowing what to do about it", not calling all of a sudden for weeks, then coming back, feeling really sorry, he decided not to care anymore.. So, that left me single, pregnant with twins, at 21, having no one but my mom.. It was a really hard situation to deal with, but I got over it and now I'm really proud to say that I'm a 22 years-old hot and single mom of 8 month-old amazing twins, making the best I can to be a great mom and have time for myself..

Now to get on the subject. I've known this guy, A., for several years now, and there has always been a bit of a "spark" between us.. We began a relationship not long ago, but I really don't know where it stands.. I mean we kiss and cuddle, we're really intimate when we're alone, he's caring and affectionate.. But when we meet and go out with friends, we're kinda..just friends.. Or at least it looks like it.. I mean we kiss on the cheek when we meet, he sits next to me a lot, he "sneak" kisses me, discreet touches, we look deep in each others's eyes, but nothing more than that.. And it gets me really confused and I also kinda feel kinda awkward.. He's ok about the boys, whenever he calls and I'm with them outside, if he's around he comes to see them, he understands that my priorities in life revolve around my kids.. It's my first relationship after all those hard times and I would like it to be a serious one, not just a "sex-buddies" one.. I'm thinking that maybe he needs time to adjust to the idea that he's dating a single mom, and be prepared when people will start asking him about it, or he wants just sex.. On the other side, I really don't wanna scare him off, because I really feel good around him and we have a lot of things in common.. I also want to talk to him in a way that i would figure things out, but I really don't know how to put it.. Please, any advice ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2000
In reply to: the_monkey
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 2:14pm
I have always been a fan of just coming out and saying it. If you never say what you want, how do you expect him to know to let you know if you both want the same thing. I understand you don't want to run him away but you can not run a man away for nothing because if he wants to be with you he will and will take on everything you have so don't believe the hype that what you do will run a man a way, if that were the case people in the same situation would all be single and they are not. You just have to know there is a one for everyone and if he chooses this to not be his path be happy he did it before your young boys gets attached.

Marie

Marie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: the_monkey
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 3:27am

I agree with Marie, you need to come out and state your needs. If you're looking for a relationship, then do not settle for less than one or wait around *hoping* he'll change his mind if you just stick it out long enough.

What do you say to him? How about, "hey, this has been great and all, but I need to be honest that I'm looking for a relationship and I need to know where you stand on having one with me" He may want one and not know that you are looking, figuring that you'll be too involved with your children... or he may just want sex with you and enjoy your company... but you won't KNOW until you TALK to him.

So, lay it out on the table. Worst he can say is, "no thanks", right?


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