What to do??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
What to do??
28
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 7:31pm
Hi, I dated someone for around 7 weeks at the beginning of this summer. Then in a very mean way, he dumped me. Since we were friends before we went out, he still wants to be friends, which I agreed to. So far so good. The problem lies in the fact that he is eventually wanting to get back together. I don't know if I want that as I got my feelings really hurt when he dumped me. He said just tonight that he wants me to get to know him as friends and "see where things lead". But I don't know if I want that.....ever. On the other hand, there are a couple of more guys I know, that I like, but don't know how to get their attention. I'm not thin, but working on losing weight, and I'm definitely not pretty, also I am 24 years old, but everybody thinks im anywhere from 16 to 18 at the oldest. They have even argued with me and my sister about this, she's 16, they think we are twins. So, how do I get the attention of the other guys and especially the one I really want to go out with??? I am really confused about all of this. Also, I am a single mom to a two year old little boy as well as a full time student at the local jc. Can someone tell me how to attract the right kind of guys instead of always ending up with jerks??

Angela~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 12:30am
bump -- does anyone have any advice??

Angela~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 12:06pm
You have a lot of things going for you, and I find it so sad that you are focusing on weight and looks to validate who you are. Being 24 and passing for 16 is NOT a bad thing...wait until you're 40 and you can pass for 32, we'll all be green with envy!! You've got a child...right there, you are engaged in the life of another, nurturing and caring, supporting and guiding, loving. You are going to a JC while you are a single mom, that tells me that you are very, very hard working and driven to succeed, and smart to know that your chances for economic success are better with degrees and you're going for it even though you have the responsibilities of being a mom.

I think that you're in a JC which implies you're surrounded by a lot of immature guys...guys in their early 20s are rarely, rarely together. LIke that 'friend' of yours who ungraciously dumped you and now expects you to hang around with him so that HE 'can see' where things go. As if. I'm you're not going down that path. You are young, but consider older men. Men who have had their hearts broken once or three times are more sensitive. They might be more interested in exploring being a stepparent. But don't be surprised if you meet a lot of 30 somethings who act just like their 20 something counterparts! Keep your BS gauge set to low.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 12:30pm
That guy I was talking about is 41! So I don't agree that age has much to do with it. Also, attracting younger guys just doesn't happen. The only time that happened was my ex husband, who ended up being abusive, which is why I am now a single parent. He is two years younger than me. I have only had 3 bf's ever, which is totally depressing because I'm almost 25. I like this one guy, but he won't date me because he wants to go over seas to preach and I can't leave the state let alone the country because of custody issues. He's only 33. So, I just feel like no one is ever going to date me because I'm not good enough or thin enough or pretty enough.

Angela~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 3:52pm
Hi there and welcome!!

I read your note and thought about what you said. I think that you have to give yourself more credit. Being a mom and a full time student is quite an accomplishment - that is good that you are going to school.

As far as attracting the right guy. Here is my opinion:

I think that you should forget about guys and work on yourself. Become good at something and work on becoming beautiful in your own eyes. Every woman has the potential to become beautiful. You should try do some exercise - that helps a lot for weight and positive energy and self esteem. And try to do something fun with hair, cosmetics, jewelry, clothing - sometimes just having a few inexpensive things in the right color makes all the difference. There must be some friends you can ask to help you with this.

Also focus on improving your social network of friends. Have fun. Learn to love yourself. Then all of a sudden, the right person is going to come along and really be attracted to you for who you are.

I guess what I am trying to say is to live your life for you - be all that you can be - and then you will meet the right person. If you live your whole life based on trying to find a guy then you will be disappointed and choose the wrong partner.

Good luck in school - what are you studying?

I hope I have helped!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 7:39pm
Become good at something and work on becoming beautiful in your own eyes. Every woman has the potential to become beautiful. You should try do some exercise - that helps a lot for weight and positive energy and self esteem. And try to do something fun with hair, cosmetics, jewelry, clothing - sometimes just having a few inexpensive things in the right color makes all the difference. There must be some friends you can ask to help you with this.>>>>>>

With what time? I carry more than a full load. A full load is 12 units, I have 13 this semester, and I can't take any more P.E. because of other classes I need. Also, I don't get to explore my interests because I don't get any help taking care of my son. I do work out, a LOT, and i've lost some weight, but i don't seem to be getting any smaller. I don't have any fashion sense and neither do any of my friends.

Also focus on improving your social network of friends.>>>>>>..

How? I have a pretty big group of friends but the circle is pretty internal. I don't meet a lot of new people through my friends.

Good luck in school - what are you studying?>>>>

Thanks, I am going to need all the luck I can get. I am a nursing major, going for RN. This is my last semester of pre requisites and I hope to get into the program for next fall. It seems like I am going to be in school forever.






Angela~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 11:37pm
Yeah, I met a man who at 36 told me that most of his relationships last 3 to 6 months and that once he had a relationship that lasted a year. He had never lived with someone nor married...You're right, biological age just has nothing to do with anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 6:08am
Wow - it sounds like you are doing all you can already. You do have a full load of classes and it is impressive that you are in nursing school. You also have a lot of friends.

I think you just need to be patient and wait for the right person. This takes time. But when Mr. Right comes along he will love you for who you are and think of you as his Mrs. Right. Don't settle for someone who doesn't make you feel very special.

Keep doing good and stay here with us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 3:34pm
You need to read that book, "He's Just Not That Into You". The book says not to stay friends with a guy after he dumps you. I think, in your case, you definitely shouldn't be friends with your ex. He dumped you in a mean way. A friend wouldn't do that to a friend.

About the other guys, don't sweat it. Don't go out of your way to get a man's attention. They have eyes and they notice you. I've found that the guys I chased the hardest are the ones with which I had the shortest relationships. Guys like to do the chasing.

I find the best boyfriends when I'm not looking for one. A guy knows if you're desperately seeking a boyfriend or not. They tend to go for the ones who really aren't looking. It's the challenge.

I bet you are thinner and prettier than you give yourself credit. Women can be so harsh on themselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 4:12pm
I think you just need to be patient and wait for the right person. This takes time. But when Mr. Right comes along he will love you for who you are and think of you as his Mrs. Right. Don't settle for someone who doesn't make you feel very special.>>>>>>>>

I have been waiting for a long time already. I don't even get offers from any nice guys, only ones who want to treat me badly.

Keep doing good and stay here with us.>>>>>>>>>

I will, thanks.


Angela~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 4:14pm
They have eyes and they notice you.>>>>>

Yea, right, I find this highly improbable.

I find the best boyfriends when I'm not looking for one.>>>>>

Yea, I found the last guy when I "wasn't looking" and he was still an ass hole. What gives??

Angela~

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