What to do??
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What to do??
| Fri, 10-22-2004 - 7:31pm |
Hi, I dated someone for around 7 weeks at the beginning of this summer. Then in a very mean way, he dumped me. Since we were friends before we went out, he still wants to be friends, which I agreed to. So far so good. The problem lies in the fact that he is eventually wanting to get back together. I don't know if I want that as I got my feelings really hurt when he dumped me. He said just tonight that he wants me to get to know him as friends and "see where things lead". But I don't know if I want that.....ever. On the other hand, there are a couple of more guys I know, that I like, but don't know how to get their attention. I'm not thin, but working on losing weight, and I'm definitely not pretty, also I am 24 years old, but everybody thinks im anywhere from 16 to 18 at the oldest. They have even argued with me and my sister about this, she's 16, they think we are twins. So, how do I get the attention of the other guys and especially the one I really want to go out with??? I am really confused about all of this. Also, I am a single mom to a two year old little boy as well as a full time student at the local jc. Can someone tell me how to attract the right kind of guys instead of always ending up with jerks??

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Welcome to the board.
I can only hazard a guess at why you are attracting only, as you say, guys who want to hurt you. Even just on this board you are giving off a real lack of self-confidence or self-worth. You can't expect to meet a quality guy who's going to be interested in you if you think so little of yourself.
Now, you say you're not pretty and you're not thin. Maybe you're no supermodel. But ever hear that saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder? I 100% believe that out there is a member of the opposite sex or two or three who thinks you are plenty good looking. Do you know what would subtract from that? Lack of confidence. You ask a man what qualities they like (besides the obvious physical ones) and confidence is tops on most men's lists.
So before you even start worrying about where to meet a guy, you need to build up your confidence. I can only imagine that your past relationships did a number on you and this is why you feel the way you do about yourself. Well, it's time to pull yourself up and snap out of it. If you don't, you will be alone forever or always with lousy men, that's just the reality of the situation. I was in a very scary abusive relationship when I was 19. I had no self-worth when I got away from him. I didn't even look at a guy for 6 months at least. And I had some crappy boyfriends after him who treated me poorly. But eventually, you get sick of it and you know the problem isn't with them, it's with you. So take it from someone who's been there, you have to fix the things within yourself first. Never mind about your looks.
I hope this won't come across as me preaching to you because I don't intend to but only to offer you honest answers to your questions. Please continue to post here and let us know how you're doing. You deserve better than to feel this way!
Hugs
Tara
Try being stalked while dating one, then getting married only to get beat up over the stalking.
Well, it's time to pull yourself up and snap out of it.>>>>>>
The problem is, I don't know how.
I didn't even look at a guy for 6 months at least.>>>>>>
Try two years only to end up with a jerk who not only dumps you but lies to your friends about you as well. (same guy from original post).
So take it from someone who's been there, you have to fix the things within yourself first.>>>>
I can't do what I don't know how.
Please continue to post here and let us know how you're doing. You deserve better than to feel this way!>>>>>>>
Thanks, I will, right now I am getting over a stomach flu. Some fun!
Angela~
Angela~
Angela~
Angela~
10 Days to Better Self Esteem
The Feeling Good Book
Excuse Me Your Life Is Waiting
All good books.
Then, learn about yourself, what you like, what your dreams are, what you want to do with your life and TAKE steps to BE who you want to be.
Then find positive, optimistic, overachieving friends to hang out with. Forget guys, a man is never going to "give" you self esteem. You have to have it in yourself, then some man will see it and respond to it if he's a good man.
A good Cognitive Therapy counselor could help, too.
You have to learn to look at the events in your life as positive instead of negative. All things in life happen for a reason.
I have found these books to be of a great help so that I may put seemingly very negative events in my life into perspective and see the positive and blessings they bring:
There Are No Accidents: Synchronicity and the Stories of Our Lives
by Robert H. Hopcke
Zen Miracles: Finding Peace in an Insane World
by Brenda Shoshanna
As an aside, I have read ALL of Brenda Shoshanna's books - they are quite enlightening regarind matters of the heart and relationships. She even hosts a board here on Ivillage.com
I know you are carrying a crazy schedule but know you can read just a few pages each day and pretty soon you will have read a lot.
Best wishes to you.
I am sorry, but there is no way to put a positive spin on being first stalked with no recourse, and then beat up over the stalking.
Angela~
I hate struggling with my weight, how did u do this?? I would love to lose 20 pounds in a month, I am lucky to lose 4.
Angela~
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