what to do now?
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what to do now?
| Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:53pm |
Hi ladies,
I know I have a lot of "confused" messages-but I have no idea what I'm doing here.
My stbx called last night to talk to the kids. He hasn't shown any interest until he heard that my sister was spreading a very nasty(potentially harmful to my kids)and very untrue rumor. I made sure I set her straight and let his whole family know it did not come from me and I set it straight and it shouldn't happen anymore. Anyway, he now wants to talk to the kids every week. I think it's great-at least he is showing some interest in them.
Last night he asked me if I could bring the kids down for a family fun day for his work in may. I'm thinking"ummmm--NO!"(it is 1000 mi away and I would have to drive by myself-not to mention the gas prices!) It was easy to tell he had been crying. I want to tell him that this isn't going to work. He called me "babe" on the phone. He seems to be trying to get me back. I am NOT going there again. I don't want to be in SC until our court date. I don't want to fall back into that comfortable pain I have with him. It's like-it hurts to be with him knowing everything that he has put me and the kids through, but at the same time it is really painful to be alone. Lonely over-rules good sense and I am afraid of where I would end up.
I am trying to figure out the relationship with this guy at work at the same time. I told him today I would like to go dancing with him on Sat. He said he'd think about it. I told him it would just be as friends-no romance b/c it wouldn't be fair when he is going through so much with his stbx and I have 5 kids. It won't ever be fair to ask anyone to take that on. I don't think I am ready for romance either. I just want someone I can talk to and share with and laugh with without any weird "I have to be a certain way b/c I don't want him to think I'm....(you fill in the blank-doesn't really matter with what)
I know he tried to let me down easy. And I really appreciate his honesty and frankness about the situation. I am coming to terms with the idea that he just isn't interested. Just wondering if anyone ever will be:(
So, I'm sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for an answer. Though I am pretty sure he will say "no" since he seems to be avoiding me lately. That will be ok. I don't need to go out and get drunk anyway.
Thanks for letting me vent.
All the Best,
Jean
I know I have a lot of "confused" messages-but I have no idea what I'm doing here.
My stbx called last night to talk to the kids. He hasn't shown any interest until he heard that my sister was spreading a very nasty(potentially harmful to my kids)and very untrue rumor. I made sure I set her straight and let his whole family know it did not come from me and I set it straight and it shouldn't happen anymore. Anyway, he now wants to talk to the kids every week. I think it's great-at least he is showing some interest in them.
Last night he asked me if I could bring the kids down for a family fun day for his work in may. I'm thinking"ummmm--NO!"(it is 1000 mi away and I would have to drive by myself-not to mention the gas prices!) It was easy to tell he had been crying. I want to tell him that this isn't going to work. He called me "babe" on the phone. He seems to be trying to get me back. I am NOT going there again. I don't want to be in SC until our court date. I don't want to fall back into that comfortable pain I have with him. It's like-it hurts to be with him knowing everything that he has put me and the kids through, but at the same time it is really painful to be alone. Lonely over-rules good sense and I am afraid of where I would end up.
I am trying to figure out the relationship with this guy at work at the same time. I told him today I would like to go dancing with him on Sat. He said he'd think about it. I told him it would just be as friends-no romance b/c it wouldn't be fair when he is going through so much with his stbx and I have 5 kids. It won't ever be fair to ask anyone to take that on. I don't think I am ready for romance either. I just want someone I can talk to and share with and laugh with without any weird "I have to be a certain way b/c I don't want him to think I'm....(you fill in the blank-doesn't really matter with what)
I know he tried to let me down easy. And I really appreciate his honesty and frankness about the situation. I am coming to terms with the idea that he just isn't interested. Just wondering if anyone ever will be:(
So, I'm sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for an answer. Though I am pretty sure he will say "no" since he seems to be avoiding me lately. That will be ok. I don't need to go out and get drunk anyway.
Thanks for letting me vent.
All the Best,
Jean

I think the best thing to do right now is probably the hardest thing - NOTHING. Just chill. Let time get your divorce settled - take time to take good care of you so you can take good care of the kids. Let the office crush subside.
Get busy learning new things and meeting new people. You will be surprised at what a year can bring. I think you should try to culture some good girlfriends for adult time and support if you can.
I do send sympathy for your loneliness and for the pain you have been through and for the limbo that you are in - it is scary being on your own. But you are a strong woman to have been through all you have - and to have 5 kids!! And you are going to make it.
I think that every woman has a lot in her and can do what she has to do. After all, we have no choice.
good to see you and to see you venting!!Cheers!!
Jean,
I think you need to keep your distance from your STBX. They often get cold feet at the last minute and try to warm up to you (usually through the kids). If it's truly over with him, then keep your boundaries in place. Let him talk to his kids, but definitely don't drive the kids over to the family fun day thing.
About the guy at work, I wouldn't even go anywhere with him. Not even as friends. You sound very low, like you doubt anyone would date you because you have 5 kids. Going out with a guy "as friends", will only make you feel worse. You won't get the intimacy that you crave out of a relationship with a man. You would be better off going out with a girl friend. You'll feel better about things if you give up on the unavailable man. Some other available guy will pick up on you eventually.
Tricia