What do you think of this?
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What do you think of this?
| Sun, 06-29-2008 - 3:42pm |
I am fairly sick of being asked out by guys who DO NOT want to pay for me meaning dinner or drinks or anything. So I have had a few new responses from my POF ad. I basically told one guy I was sick of paying half and it would be nice to go on a date with a guy who is gentleman enough to PAY. He said that seemed like I was a gold digger! ME A GOLD DIGGER? I can pay my half...that was not the point at all.

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I will be interested to see what everyone else has to say about this...
I wonder if it could be a "symptom" that is prevalent with certain age groups? That maybe younger men might feel like going halfsies and older men are okay with footing the bill? I don't know, as I haven't dated around much lately. But the ones I've dated since being divorced- have all been good about paying when they did the asking. Both young and old.
I'm old-fashioned too- and I agree that the person who asks for the date, is the one who pays. Hiker pays for everything when we go out because he asks. If I ask him to something, I will pay. And on occasion, I will treat him to a meal even if he did the asking, just to show him how much I appreciate him. But in the big picture... he asks, he pays. And I'm not a gold digger!!!!! I'd be offended if someone called me that. I'd like to dig for my OWN gold, TYVM- and work for my own stuff. Not for someone else to hand it to me.
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Perhaps I'm old fashioned, but I feel like the guy should pay for the first few dates. NOW, when *I'm* the one who suggests going out (which I don't start doing until after the 3rd date) I always offer to pay and consider it my turn to pick up the tab. But if the guy asks out, I consider it his tab to pick up.
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all! WTH? Where is the chivalry? Offering to pay your half is one thing, but to have to keep doing it? And on the first dates?? Like I said... perhaps I'm *too* old fashioned...
Weird that you keep coming across men like that though. I don't think I've ever had an issue, but when I start dating someone I start to insist every once in a while. I don't have tons of money.. but on occasion I like to pay for some things. Like lunch, or coffee ya know? I don't ever want dating me to be some kind of financial burden.
I went to Walmart once with the ex.. we shall call him the dumper! lol and we were shopping separatly. When we got in line he snuck in a full pay for both of our stuff. Well, it felt kinda weird because there were two outfits in there for my girls.
Funny back story to go along with that.. the day of my divorce the ex took the girls and I to this restaurant and halfway through the meal I was like omg.. this is the exact table that the dumper, me and my girls sat at. I look up and I'm like damn they're wearing his outfits too! lol
Back on topic.. do you think it has anything to do with your status in life? Like if for example you tell someone you're an accountant or something, you got your masters lets say. Well, they would assume you're in a damn good place in life and can afford to split maybe? I don't know.. I mean I've always been more on the poor side lol. Maybe they get the check out of pity lol. Actually, thats the last damn thing I want.
KoH and I went out to play pool tonight. We drank diet cokes and water and had a blast. He paid, but he also let me know if advance after his move and divorce he was flat broke. I'm totally cool with that.. I think it was nice and honest of him, and that he took me somewhere that he could afford to treat me.
I dunno, I guess its the proper thing to do at first at least?
and by then, it was too late."
Your story sounded so funny. Dont we all have that happen and crack us up in public from time to time - it kinda makes me feel crazy or look nuts because I am the type of person that will just bust out laughing and offer no explanations if something hits me as random and funny...
I guess guys sometimes think if they pay in the beginning they are setting a habit and they wont ever have a situation where they get treated or just that the expectation will be too high
I agree with this statement. Perhaps they think if a precadent is set, the woman will never pay for a thing and the guy will always get stuck with the tab. My personal opinion, if it were a first date and the guy didn't pay? I'd take notice and it would be a strike against him.
Perhaps when a guy insists on going Dutch all the time, somewhere in the back of the woman's mind it is perceived that she has been deemed not worth paying for. And that is a deal breaker. The guy is perceived as cheap. No one is attracted to cheap.
I have been getting really irritated with M on this very subject. Yes, I have a more stable financial situation- but it is through hard work and good money habits, I did not win the lottery or anything. Yet, he has always had the attitude that I should pay more for our time together. It's gotten to the point I am going to have to sit down and explain that this is not OK. I, like the OP, have not planned for a budget for dates. Until M, every guy I dated paid for everything, I volunteered to make dinner or pay my half of something like travel. I agree that it the one who does the asking that should expect to pay.
I guess it is that I did offer to pay for our last date and his initial reaction was literally "about time". Excuse me? He went into this whole thing about how since I have the larger net worth I should pay more. I said, well sorry, but paying for dates is all part of being a man. The tradition may not seem fair, but it is what it is. His reaction was that this is the 21st century. Well, yes it is, but when men stop valuing looks over everything else perhaps women will not see being expected to pay as the guy being cheap.
QB, if I wanted a gigolo I'd get a younger guy in fabulous shape (the role reversal has to be complete)
His reaction was that this is the 21st century. Well, yes it is, but when men stop valuing looks over everything else perhaps women will not see being expected to pay as the guy being cheap.
I totally loved your response!
Maybe part of it is the fact that I am a RN so they automatically think I am better off than I truly am! I do not get into my personal finances with guys right off the bat or ever really nor do I want to explain that a HUGE portion of my income goes to the care of my DS who is disabled and my DD who is also special needs.
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