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| Fri, 06-01-2007 - 11:13am |
A friend of mine (not this is not about me) is dating a guy who lives out of town and he said he'd call her Tuesday or Wednesday when he got back from out of the country and he ended up late Wednesday night texting her to call when she can. So she did...and he did not pick up. She's tried numerous other times and left messages, voice and text and gotten no response.
So she calls me yesterday upset that he won't return messages and wanted opinions. I told her to chill on him and stop calling. Stop texting...leave him alone. I told her that if he wanted to talk, let him call. And do NOT respond to text messages. Those were unacceptable! Voice only. SO she is fed up now and wants to go out dancing tomorrow night. I'm going for sure! We're gonna go out and have fun and invite a bunch of hot girls to join us and just be crazy one night! She needs it, so do I. So tell me....does she need to just give up on this dude?

Ok, not ONLY does he get in contact SOOOO late she was unlikely to be up= but he sent a text message asking HER to make the contact... not good in my books!
Thanks for the hint. When I told hime he needed to watch Emi he said okay then at the game last night, he asked where I was going. I told him I didn't know, that my friend wanted to go out. He said alright. I mean what's up with the question? I didn't ask him where he was so freakin late Sunday night that he couldn't see his kids in 5 days time! Anyway, this guy seemed nice. She and I went out at Christmas time and she met him then and they've been seeing each other since. He's about to finalize a 10 year marriage that has been over (so he says) for a long time. She said he always told her how wonderful she was and how different she is and how she is too good for him....RED FLAG! A man says you are too good for him, he's trying to get rid of you. I told her that maybe she IS too good for him and that he wants to be jacked around because he is used to it from his stbx. Supposedly, she cheated on him a lot and he kept coming back to her...so now my friend feels threatened that he is doing that now. Maybe so....so? If he's willing to go back to an abusive marriage and allow that, it's his own problem, not her's. I didn't tell her to drop him because I don't think she would, yet. But she is upset that he didn't call her to visit like she expected. I told her to stop expecting so much.
Gosh, am I growing up???
~Mel~...knowing that I am doing the right thing...
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Wow Mel- you ARE growing up :)
Expecting things is the key- when you just enjoy the moment IF/ WHEN it happens, then you're not disappointed when it doesn't.
Well, I just spoke to her..he broke it off. He's got the divroce approaching next week, he's out looking at other jobs that require him to travel to interview and he said he needs "to be a little selfish now". "I'm not ready for this, I need time for me" and the big one..."In a year, maybe I'll be ready but don't stop your life waiting for me."
That one pissed me off. What a loser! I mean at least he did tell her instead of making her wonder, but still...a year? Ummm, I get that people need time, but don't tell people stuff like that...that in X amount of time you'll be okay and they will be the first person you call....not cool.
So anyway, she has to go to his house and get some of her things...I hope she'll be okay. It is still a while before she can go since he's still not home.
~Mel~ glad I am not in THAT relationship
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To me that all translates to, "I'm just not into you" cause if he WAS he would be moving MOUNTAINS to make it work!
Maybe she should just ask him to box up her stuff and drop it off- make him do the work
That would be my NUMBER ONE reason why no one should ever date someone who is still working on a divorce. Even if they say they've been over the ex for years and won't get back together with him/her. Anyone getting divorced might feel SO READY for a new relationship, but underneath the new-found freedom, they are SOOO NOT READY for another relationship yet. I just think it's more of a rarity that someone can come start dating while coming out of a divorce and have that new relationship work out.
She's MUCH better off that he broke it off (at least he was honest) and she shouldn't spend even another minute pining for him. It might even take more than a year before he is ready and she'd be smart to not wait for him. And it's good that HE take the time off from dating- and I hope he does, rather than just finding someone else new all over again. I don't think he is necessarily a loser... I think he is just a normal person going through a divorce who started dating again too soon.
If your friend can take this as what it is, and not take it personally, she will be fine.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
As far as the whole loser comment, it is just lame that he's telling her he'll be ready in X amount of time and that she'll be ther first person he calls. I think honestly he needs to leave her alone for good because if she is in a relationship that is working by then, it would not be right of him to call her and have that old flame calling and causing her to rethink where she is now since she cared for him so much. Some people will drop who they are with for an old flame. I doubt she would, but I hope she won't do that if he calls in a year or so.
Like Alison said: no matter what...if he really liked her that much, he'd move mountains to make the relationship work. He knew before they met that any relationship would have to compete with his work, his personal issues, and other things. If he were not ready, he needed to stay away from her and let her be with a man who CAN be there.
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You don't say how long they've been dating or the tone of their relationship, but I would not stick around waiting for him.
I'd also not call or text a bunch of times, either, but that's me.
I think she should definitly be moving forward- and if this guy does happen to call, I'd simply not answer, tell him I was busy (which would be the truth) and move on. I wouldn't ask why he didn't call, what happened, etc- it doesn't matter.
Have fun with the girls- I'm going out dancing tonight, and really looking forward to it!
Moody, who isn't about to wait around for anyone
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Now that I've read all the posts, I agree with Shrimpy. He simply started dating too soon- and you know what? He probably thought he was ready.
I did this when I was first split from my ex- dated casually only, but a bunch of different guys. Then I realized it wasn't them I wasn't into, it was me.
I needed to work on myself, but I didn't know that right away. I could have broken many hearts in the process of figuring it out (somehow i doubt that actually happened), but I finally realized that dating was something I could only do after I had all of my ducks in a row.
I don't brand this guy a loser, I brand him a human.
Hopefully your friend can see this situation in that light, and know that it has absolutely nothing to do with her. Next time, she'll see a pending divorce for the red flag it is, and that's the best thing that can happen- learn from our mistakes and the things that didn't work for us in the past.
Moody, also not a loser
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