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| Fri, 05-04-2007 - 7:24pm |
Hi guys, I got this message today, this is the guy I have been chatting with since Feb.He asked me out 3 weeks ago, had to cancel cause he had just started a new job, and had no money to take me out with, and asked if we could go out tommorrow night. I have'nt heard from him in a week, and I e-m him first this morning, so I approached him, I asked how his new job was going, made a joke I didn't want him to forget about me, and asked him if we we're still on, and this is his reply.
Florence,
I'm sorry I've not been in better contact about tomorrow evening......it's been a CRAZY first full week of work. I worked a full 40 hour week at the new job and two 7 hour nights making a kitchen counter top out of slate for a good friend of mine. He took it home but the only day I can put it in around his schedule is Saturday. I really do want to get out for a drink.....and I hope you'll give me yet another chance:) I'll talk to you soon.....on lunch break and have to get back. Have a good night and we can talk soon. Do you have a cell #.......maybe I could call you sometime this weekend:) Chris
I gave him my number in a quick, npo problem e-m and said yes, call me anytime..
I really believe him, and think he still will meet me, maybe not tomorrow, but I think he is interested and single, he is on OLD and myspace, so I don't think he's hiding a girl friend, but I have no instincts when it comes to men, and at this point I have met, dated and slept with 2 men from OLD and it didn't go anywhere,and I also have dated 2 guys I met in person and flirted with and they didn't work out , in the past 2 years.. so I really want advice on this, keep in mind, I'm 31, and he's 33, and we are both starting over from long term relationships, so the money aspect of it I can understand.But as I said, I have horrible instincts.
I probabally wouldn't be so confused about this guy if I didn't really like him, but I do. I have been talking to him for 4 months now, about once a week, and am just so comfortable with it. So what do you think,, 2 cents please
Florence

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My gut reaction.... keep on moving and don't put a lot of stock in this one. Be open to other people and keep getting out there.
I see nothing but disappointment right off the bat when he should be putting his best foot foward. 4 months of emailing is just amusement for him. I give them a week or two and if they are not excited to call and meet up with me that is their loss.
And then there is the issue of no money. Sure, you don't mind that and YOU are understanding of that. But it does nothing for his self esteem and that is a BIG deal to a guy. He has to feel ready and like he has something good to offer so he feels good about himself. I almost think he is more trying to do you a favor by taking you out rather than wanting to impress you and woo you off your feet.
Then there is the issue of procrastination. Tomorrow tomorrow - whatever.
That is just my honest gut feeling based on what you write and what I would do if I was you based on my experience with watching stuff here and my friends who are dating good people right now.
Will see what the others say, too. Keep us posted! Are you still looking online?
One thing is for sure - this one sounds much better than the cowboy I just posted about! LOL!!
It either means he really is busy with the new job and his extra work but would like to see you, or that he's trying to brush you off and hope you get frustrated before he does meet you.
I think Spec was somewhat like this- he did want to meet and date me, but was too busy to have a real relationship. The fact that we lived an hour away made it easy for me to make a decision- we weren't available for each other at the same time, and someone always had to travel.
I think Mr Cancellation is probably used to living his life, and my instinct is telling me he likes the thought of dating, but isn't ready to put any effort into having a relationship. It's easy to chat from your computer once a week, or call someone sporadically. Taking the time to plan a date, set it up, get ready for it, and then the time it actually takes may be more than he's ready to deal with.
So, I would say meet him if he calls, but don't initiate any more contact. He has got to either step up to the plate or step aside for another player. Don't rule out other guys, and don't wait around for him.
Moody, who needs men who are more obviously into her
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He sounds as if he is sincere, BUT ... he made plans WITH YOU. He already cancelled one date. Instead, he then made plans to help a friend. Thats bull.
This is what he would get from me in response:
"Boy, you sound as if you have quite a lot going on in your life these days. When you find time to get together, feel free to call me (& send your cell). Otherwise, I hope things slow down a bit for you soon so you can get on with the fun parts of life! Take care" ...
& that would be IT. No more baloney of IM & email all the time. MAYBE if he calls, i woudl chat a COUPLE times, & thats it. You arent looking for a pen pal, you are looking for a DATE!
OOH! I missed FOUR MONTHS? Cripes, give it up Mister! I dont care how broke he is ... a movie to rent is $3.50 & you can order pizza in! (well, maybe not b/c thats not cool, meeting for a 1st date where you dont know eachother at their OR your house .. ok, COFFEE, he can afford)
My experience is if you dont meet someone from OLD within about 3-4 weeks TOPS ... & i usually have a 2 week limit, then they will NEVER materialize in real life.
Okay so far census rules, he's dragging his feet. We didn't meet on OLD, we met on myspace, and he only put his OLD up about a month ago, and we've never chatted about meeting until these last 3 weeks, but I totally agree, he needs to get on the phone and make a concrete plan for soon, or he may miss his chance.
My FWB, guy called me yesterday, I broke it off with him when I started seeing the one who flipped a switch. He was full of I miss you's, though still no commitment, but he said he would call more often. What ever, with him, it's so easy and natural to get out of the house, and spend a great evening with take out chinese and a couple movies, and no sleep. He and I have been fooling around for 13 months now, but there is no way he's one to look to traditional "family" stuff. He's a hot-blooded bachelor, though I am confident he's been with only me for the last 13 months.
We are completely honest and accepting of each other, and we have great chemistry, and we can talk.So I'm thinking seeing him once a week isn't that bad of an idea for a while again. I'm hanging up my OLD profile pretty soon. I haven't had any decent bites at all, so I think I'm pulling out of that sight.. well, thanks for the great advise about this fella, I 'll see what happens, but I'm fearing that it's going nowhere..
Florence
The only problem with a FWB is that it can be too easy to stop looking for the "one" since you're getting some of the emotional/ physical needs met.
Yeah, I've had my FWB,, actually I call him my " part-timer' for 13 months now, but I still look and try because I know it's a dead end relationship,, but I love that we are honest about it..if that makes any sense. Thanks for listening everyone.
I haven't heard a phone ring, so I guess I got the blow off. Oh well, at least the online thing helps from getting feelings hurt, you don't get so invested...
Not sure if I'm keeping the pofile, I think I need a different sight, but I hate writing the dan profile. I'm me, I just want to be me, and I want someone to be him.. ya know??
Florence
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