What is going on? Men confused me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
What is going on? Men confused me!
5
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 9:26pm

Okay so....

I'm dating this guy....let's just take a moment to celebrate this fact. Ha ha. All joking aside, I'm a bit concerned about the male mind.

Brief history-met through OLD. Chatted for a month prior to meeting; met; chatting (emails and phone calls) for another month prior to our second date. We've been out 2 times since then. On our second date, he tells me he bought tickets to a band that I like and tells me I need to find a sitter to go. I'm thrilled!!!

So Friday night happens. We go out and have dinner and drinks. Things ended up getting a bit more physical than we both would have liked so early on. But C'est la vie. It was enjoyable and we spoke about the awkwardness. Saturday is flooded with phone calls and text messages as is Sunday. He tells me how did he luck out meeting someone like me. We plan future dates...in depth. Nothing bad, just sweet and nice.

Today we do our daily "Good morning" text messaging. Later in the day I get one about the upcoming concert. he asks if I want to go. He tells me that he's indifferent to the fact of me going. long story short, we end up with a phone chat. He tells me that since we haven't been dating a long time that a concert might not be a great place to go. I told him then he shouldn't have invited me. No worries though, if he was uncomfortable with me going then I wouldn't. He changed his story to reflect that he read that going to concerts; noisy places, etc aren't good in the beginning of the dating process due to the fact that you can't talk and get to know each other. (Um, did he totally forget about the physical part on Friday!!!!) He explains that indifferent meant that he'd like me to go but loud venues aren't great places to go, as stated before. I validate what he is saying, not necessarily agreeing. He asks if "we're cool" I tell him we are. Then that's about it. He's been sending me text messages to say hi (he's in class right now)

I just don't know how you can be so involved and open with someone to then just shut it off because "it's too soon"

Is he trying to get his way out of this situation without looking like the bad guy? If so, then I can do it for him. I don't mind being the bad guy.

I don't even know if this all makes sense. I know I'm more confused about things everyday.

thanks all
Shay

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 9:37pm

I agree that doesn't make sense. I think you will just have to wait and see if he comes up with a better place to go than the concert or if he just changes his mind all together for one reason or another. You could wait and see or you could ask him.

Welcome and keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 9:41pm

Thanks for the response.

He still plans on going to the concert, just iffy on whether I should go given the new status of us dating.

I'm starting to think its a cop out. I shall ask during our weekly Monday conversation on his way home from class.

the 180 degree turn boggles my mind




Edited 8/20/2007 9:42 pm ET by sb4626
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 10:12pm

That is dating really. Everyone wants a perfect match. Maybe something bothered him or he saw something he didn't like. Maybe getting physical too fast spooked him or he met someone else? Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. You want someone who is totally into you and who feels you are the one for him. And if you want it and look for it, you will find it. It just takes patience.

It is good that you are unsettled with the 180 turn and that you do not like it and are going to question it. That shows you have respect for yourself and want to be treated well.

It kind of stinks that he would want to take you to your favorite band and then changes his mind. I would feel the same way you do. But in the end it is his loss and you are certainly not going to beg someone to be with you or want to take you somewhere. NOT!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2007
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 10:26pm

I totally agree with you about how men send mixed signals. They call constantly and make empty promises they have no intentions on keeping. I come to conclude, men just love to him themselves talk and boast their egos by telling us things they think we want to hear. I just can't handle it, so I think I'm going to proudly wearn my my single mother "dateless" badge.

Salute to all women who say they are happy being "SINGLE." I was there a few weeks ago and somehow I got this urge to date. That didn't last long, so now I must return to my original thoughts ... be a mother, a friend, and continue to be ME!!!!!!!!

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 11:21am

I read your update on the dating thing. I know it can be very discouraging. I think it's fine to stop dating if you don't feel like it, but don't forget to try to give up on all of it. I really think it's important to at least flirt and keep yourself in check. Even if just for fun and testing waters.

I couldn't agree more with the whole thing about shady men, but what I really don't get, is what is it with the concert thing lately??? This is like the 3rd post in a few weeks regarding a guy making trouble about a concert. Are you all seeing the same guy? LOL

I think it's really important that you just don't give up all together. Enjoy singlehood, remember to keep positive thoughts about yourself, love yourself and try to work on any negative vibes you think you may be portraying or keep a journal on the men you have dated and see if you see a pattern. Figure out if you can see a certain pattern that you are attracted to. Have you read some of the threads lately about deeper issues from your past? They are quite interesting and leaves you something to reflect on.

Anyway, I'm kind of writing to both of you at the same time, but I would definitely try to sit back and give the guy some air and play it off cool. You seem to be wondering to much about what happened. You need to turn it around a little and let him do the wondering now.

Regards,
Catherine