What happens if....?
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 08-10-2006 - 8:54am |
What happens if I break court order and dont send my children back to their nana's/father's house. Last night they had them for wednesday visitation. They are supposed to go to church on Wed. but last night they didn't. I kept the baby and they took my girls, 3 and 5. Well daddy and his new g/f the one that broke up our family, went and took my daughters along with their nana( their father's mom ) to look at houses. They are getting a house and he cant pay me child support. On top of that, the new g/f was drving nana's car and nana was sitting in the back seat with the girls and daddy up front. Nana got out to let the girls out and the new g/f got out and so did daddy. My 3 yr. old was screaming I want nana and the new g/f juust looked and gave me a smirk.
On top of that they were supposed to be gone until 8/11 for their 2 weeks of summer but during the 2 week visitation my parents had all 3 kids on friday and saturday of last week until sunday at 2 pm. I got the baby back sunday evening, and then the girls tuesday evening. Now they are telling my 4 yr. o ld she is having 3 birthday parties, one at the park, one at granny's and one at my house. Her birthday is Friday and they think they are getting them for the weekend, which they're not because they weren't supposed to back until the 11th, w hich is Friday.
When they got back Tuesday evening, my 4 yr. old tells me that chelsea ( daddy's new g/f ) took a shower with her. I said what?!? Was she naked and she said no she was wearing as bathing suit and then daddy came in got naked and told me to go get dressed and to make sure I shut the door and then he got in with Chelsea. I said oh yeah and called nana and she said it never happene but it disturbed her because she called back 5 minutes later to find out when and where she said it happened. Then she said call granny ( nana's mother ) because it's her house and I was at work. She said ti all snotty. Then my 3 yr. old says that our mutual friends ( Angie and Scott, use to be daddy's boss, my best friends now ) she says daddy said Scott doesn't like her anymore and he gives her whoopings everytime she goes over there. I said no baby scottie missed you very much and he wants to see you and so does angie. She said well aunt shannon said angie doesn't like me anymore and that daddy use to live with scott and angie and they kicked him out and they are mean people. I said no daddy never lived with them and she said not now he use to.
My kids are being brainwashed and I dont knwo what to do. My oldest has her next counselor appt. the day after next visitation and they are building her head up because they know that she has to draw pictures next time and they are trying to make me and my friends look bad and trying to build daddy's 19 yr. old g/f up and bring me down and I'm tired of it. I'm not sending them back, and am curious what's gonna happen to me if I dont. Will I go to jail or is it civil matter and they have take me back for contempt. He owed child support 4 days ago and hasn't paid it, and I know that he ahs a grace period but I haven't received anything in almost 5 months now. I'm stuck and they are laughing at me and now my fear is daddy and chelsea are gonna get a house and try to get my kids ( which they dont want but to chelsea it's a game )and then I'm gonna end up in jail because if they take my kids there's gonna be a problem. I dont know what to do. And the cse has his license number wrong, along with his birthday wrong by 2 years and they wont fix it for me he has to fix it and he wotn because he's laughing at me about it. I already told them. There is no communication betweeen him and I it goes between his mother and I and she is aterrible grandmother for allowing her son to mainpulate me and my children along with her as well.
My friend says to call nana and tell her she is no longer allowed on my property James is to pick the children up and if Chelsea or any other member of the family is with him he is to park on the road because no one frokm the family or chelsea is allowed inmy yard or I will call the police and that will stop everything because he wont pick them up ever, not even the first time. I'm confused and my head is in circles. Help Me!!

If the visitation is court ordered, he might show up with the police to pick up the kids, the police will make them go and it will very likely scare the pants off the kids. He will tell the children he had to call the police because "mommy wouldn't let you see daddy" which will be the truth. The children will not understand why you did it. If the police are not involved, his other option is to file for contempt of court and say you are alienating the children from him and standing in the way of his ability to parent - and if you are worried about them seeking custody they are going to use this against you BIG TIME. Their attorney will be giddy that your actions support their claim for primary custody. DO NOT do it. Custodial parents are expected to SUPPORT the relationship with the NCP not stand in the way of it. Failure to pay child support is never, never, never a reason to withold visitation, never. The worst case scenario is not you going to jail, it will be eventually losing custody to him. If you have legitimate, documented concerns take them to your attorney and file for a custody/visitation modification. Go through the proper channels, and talk to your attorney before you do anything to violate your court order, TRUST ME.
I highly recommend reading a book on Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) for two reasons - if he's using PAS against you this will help you cope with it, and also to be sure you are not doing anything yourself that can be construed as PAS in court.
Honey,
I don't have a lot of time to post this morning, but I wanted to say, I agree 100% with Jennie.
Then take your complaints to your attorney and the judge. If you withhold visitation in defiance of the court order you will be making the situation worse, not better. The judge will be less likely to listen to your list of complaints about the father if he's sitting there to rule on contempt of court against you.
I called nana, James mother this morning, about 10 minutes ago and asked her if she thought they were getting the kids this weekend. She sat there all quiet and said well. I said no, we're gonna do this right, you were supposed to have them for 2 weeks, well your son was, not you, but since you are acting in his part you were. You broke it short and every 3 days I took the baby back for 3 days and then you sent the girls to my parents house for the weekend and said you were exhausted and needed me to take them back so I did. If you would like Angelina for her birthday you may pick up all 3 children as if it were a Wednesday visitation and bring them back by 8 pm. I told her Angelina had plans this weekend with my friends, regardless of how much they did not like them, Angelina was excited because it was Angelina and Cheyenne's birthdays ( Cheyenne is Angelina's friend who is 2 days younger than her, and the daugter of James's ex-boss my best friends, the ones that are constantly being downed by them ) She said ok, so I'll get them friday at 5. I said sure until 8, and you can do Angelina's birthday then. When it was KAryana's birthday James didn't do anything, he didn't call her, send her a card, nothing, and yall had them. KAryana's birthday was the day after fathers day and my birthday and out of resentment for me James did nothing, but Angelina is his pride and joy and would taker her in a heartbeat, so he is showing favoritism and he needs to stop. So I've settled somewhat for now, but I have a feeling they are gonna screw me because they'll get them friday and try to keep them all weekend to upset me. I do appreciate the advice, I'm sure y'all have been going through this longer and I'm sure a few of you are dealing with the same type of guy.
For my children I've even put off dating 100%. I have a really good guy friend who would give me the world treat me like the world but I told him no I was going through to much and my children didnh't need another stressor in their life right now. I love my children with every breath I take and if courts were based on morality I'd win a hundred times over. But they aren't so let's do it all legal I guess, whether morally right or wrong.
You are partially right - although I'm not dealing with an ex like yours I did have a father like that. He abused drugs, even did drugs in front of my sister and I. He left her alone one time and she was traumatized for quite a while after that. He was a horrible husband to my mother, he cheated on her and there were many nights that he did not come home and she stayed up crying. My mom somehow overcame her anger, and did more than tolerate his presence in our life - she encouraged it. She knew right from the beginning that he was our father, our one and only dad and we needed him in whatever capacity we could get him. She made sure we talked to him every week (although it was up to him to call, and he did), she let him know what was going on with us, she called to ask him advice when a parenting issue came up, etc. One of my few good memories was the time he drove from Oklahoma to Colorado to see me in the third grade play. If my mom had not been so forgiving and encouraging that would have not happened. My dad had to spend a year in a mental institution after he had a bad drug trip, he was visiting us and hallucinated that he had killed us all. We didn't know anything other than he was sick in the hospital (we learned the whole story later). My mom had us send him cards and letters because phone calls were not allowed. After he was released, she made sure that when we visited him someone else was around, usually our grandparents, because he was never the same. She even made the trip out of state with us the last time we went so she'd be nearby in case we needed her. She did all these things - including accepting his limitations as a person and as a father - for us, her children. My father committed suicide when I was 11 and the few memories I have are all I have. I am eternally grateful to my mom for her strength and ability to see that what was best for her, what would make her worry less, was not necessarily what was best for us. She took some risk in letting us see him, but she did it because she knew she could not make the situation be perfect and our need to be with our father was as important as our need to be safe - and she found the right balance of those needs. I have a huge empty hole inside from the fact my father was not there for me, but at least I know my mom did her best to prevent it.
My advice to you, however, is based on what I've seen on these boards over the years and what I've learned about custody issues. There is a right way and a wrong way to go about limiting parenting time if there is an issue of concern for the children, and the court expects everyone to abide by the court order.
I know this is so hard for you but you do have to follow the court order to the T. Listen to Alison and Jennie because they give good advice. Do the best you can.
You will have to document everything and then take that to court and your lawyer.
Sorry to hear you have to go through so much drama - But we are always here for you to vent. I think if you can be happy and loving to your kids and tell them that no matter what you are always there for them and not to worry they will be okay - try to get them out of the house and do something fun and don't talk about all the drama. They will go by how you behave. Of course if they do want to talk about it you are always there to listen and help them enjoy their father and manage the situation. It helps kids a lot to be on their side. Not just on your side.
Be strong!!
Keep us posted!
" It helps kids a lot to be on their side. Not just on your side. "
Great point, Judy!!!