What he said re: kid discussion
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| Sat, 02-24-2007 - 9:09am |
So you guys helped slap me into shape about being afraid to bring up the kid when dating. Thus, I created my new rule: kid comes up in first hour (or suitable equivilent if by email, etc).
Met guy Saturday at party. Nice chat. He emails me. About EM 4 or 5 I casually throw in something about DD. Conversation continues. Asks me out for Wed. DD comes up a lot then, still no reaction. Saw him last night. Late into the night he mentions DD in a funny way and I tell him I'm glad he seemed to be okay with the divorce/kid thing.
This is the part I found useful and hope some of you might, too.
He said he did pause - he'd never dated a woman with kid(s) - and gave it some thought. He said he knew BECAUSE I WAS COMFORTABLE WITH TALKING ABOUT HER AND HONEST ABOUT IT that I am comfortable with the divorce and that the kid is important to me. He said he thought about it, realized he liked me a lot, and if things kept going, he'd be dating two "girls," and while a new experience, he was good with it.
So, thanks guys. He seems to be more open than most men I've met, and even if we don't go on one more date, I got some insight because I was honest. Thanks!

Yay for you, konline!!!
I'm glad it worked out for you that the man is okay with the fact that you are a mom! And it's empowering to know that if you DO find a man who isn't okay with it, then it is perfectly okay to tell him "it won't work out" and let him go!!! (Which is actually setting YOURSELF free of him, where you can go find a man who fits you and your kid(s) better)
I also believe that if you don't sound confident and happy and okay with the fact that you are a single mom... then the men will see you as a "desperate mom looking for someone to be a dad to her kids" because the attitude WILL show through. Just like someone who isn't totally over the ex... it will show through as well, and most men won't want to deal with that competition (and anger/bitterness if the woman hasn't healed yet).
I really think that in order for dating to work out right, we all have to be perfectly OKAY with being single and not in any hurry to change that... and then things will flow easier. Same goes for the men we find... if they are in too much of a hurry to "not be single anymore" it will show in their actions and they will seem desperate, too.
I'm thrilled for you that it worked out wonderfully!
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I think it's wonderful that we got validated! HAHAHAHA
I also think many guys will feel the exact same way this guy does. I know Spec has said repeatedly that our age difference isn't an issue because having kids and my personality has made me more mature than many women my age. He's also said that already knowing someone's (meaning mine) parenting style helps him know what kind of mother that person would potentially be to his children.
It also shows a man just exactly how much love we're capable of, and that we know how to prioritize. Showing that we're cool with motherhood and all of its joys and responsibilities is just another way for a man to get to know us. Everyone has many layers, and parenthood shaes us so immensely, I think it's a great opportunity for a man to see what we're *really* made of.
Finding a man that recognizes and embraces that is the trick.
I hope everything continues to go well- keep us posted!
Moody, who naturally talks about being a mother pretty much all the time
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BRAVO!! I do agree that the attitude we have about who we are and where we are in our lives is what counts. I think this carries over to many situations, too.
Keep us posted!
Awww he sounds like a really great guy. At least there are some guys out there that have the right idea about dating mothers... I am yet to find one though lol.
-Steph