What is his deal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
What is his deal?
12
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 8:46pm

Good evening ladies. I'd love to hear what some of your takes are on this guy. I have been divorced for 2 years, and not really interested in meeting anyone or doing any dating until recently. I am a restaurant manager and this guy is a beer sales rep that comes in each week to take my orders. He's been my rep for about a year. We hit it off right from the beginning, could hang out and talk forever. A few times I'd screw up my courage and invite him out with me and some friends, casual stuff (ie "Hey we'll be out at so and so place tonight, if you're out you should stop by") Indirect, but non threatening. His response is always have to work early, have an early meeting, whatever. So I wrote him off as not interested. Cool. In the last two weeks, he's been staying longer than he needs to for order taking purposes, coming in on different days to eat lunch. Friday he came in to hang some posters (which took him 5 minutes), we stood in the dining room and talked for almost 3 hours (don't tell my boss). Friday night he was going out to do promotions, said I should call him and come out. I didn't b/c I had my kids. Today he came in to take order, again stayed around for much longer than needed, again is doing some promotions this week, said he'd call me to tell me where and when so I could come out. Now, I am wondering what is going on? The people I work with say he's into me, always flirts with me, if I'm not there he is in and out real fast. I have been saying they are wrong, he's just a nice guy.
Anyway, what should I do now? If he were to ask me out, I'd go without hesitation. I feel anytime I've tried to get him to do anything he totally shuts me down. I've tried the hanging out and having a beer angle, I've tried the doing stuff with kids angle (we have our kids on the same weekends). I am not that confident that I can be turned down repeatedly, but I realize I haven't outright "asked him out". Should I just hang back and see what comes of it? Should I keep on with the "we'll be here later" stuff? Should I write him off and keep him written off? Now I remember why I've not been interested for years...

Sheesh

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 9:45pm

I could have written this post! Not because of any one guy on my part, but because I never am entirely sure whether they're "into me", or just friendly, or doing their job, or whatever.
I might get the courage to ask a guy out in an offhand way, but like you, I don't think I could do it officially, and I'm not sure how much rejection, even indirect, I could stand.
However, since I'm not a part of this scenario, I think I can say that he appears to be into you. How into you might be the question, but maybe go out with him to a promotion thing this weekend, and see if you still like him when you're in your element and not in work mode. Then, supposing you do go Friday, see how he acts the next time he comes in. Does his attitude change? IS he flirtier, less flirty, act exactly the same?
I wouldn't write him off, exactly, yet, but neither would I pin any hopes on him, either. There's certainly nothing wrong with waiting for him to make a move, as long as while you're waiting for a "maybe gonna happen sometime in the future" you don't pass up a "this could be it right now" guy.
There's also nothing wrong with you deciding you don't like him after getting to know him better, but be sure to keep work stuff seperate if that's the case.
Either way, keep us updated!

Moody


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 12:37pm

Hey Sheesh,

Isn't that all crazy - maybe it just has to be his idea.

Anyway, what I would want to do is look really hot for work (but not inappropriate) and then talk to him like you are doing - but not too too much. After all, it is work and if he wants to see you more - he has to ask you out!! :-)

Be patient, and I think he will!!

It always helps to smile and make eye contact, too, but you are probably already doing that. And it is encouraging that your co-workers notice how he stays for you but hurries when you are not there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 1:28pm
You shouldn't have to ask him out. He seems friendly enough. If he wants to ask you out, he will. I would wait for him to make a move. If a man is really interested, he will pursue. My SO made dates with me ASAP, because he thought that since he was so attracted to me, then other men must be after me, so he had to snap me up before I was taken by someone else. The funny thing is...no one else was pursuing me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 5:37pm

Good point, fivesense. But don't ever tell him that!! Shhhhhh.......

The truth is that they might if you were going out to bars all the time. But you were busy behind the curtain of "busy single mom"!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 9:00pm

Hi Moody.
Something struck me when I read your reply. I realized that I am definately more confident and outgoing when I am at work. Oddly, it's my work life I have little question about, I know what I am doing and don't rethink many decisions. Take me out of work and put me in a regular social situation and I am a mess. It's funny because part of my job is to talk to people, make them feel comfortable, make them feel like "part of the family", etc. So many times I have customers say "You are so much fun, I want to hang out with you sometime". The work me says "Absolutely, anytime. That would be great", but the 'real' me starts freaking out, thinking "what are we going to talk about? I can't carry on a 'real' social conversation about much for very long...They will see right through me!"
I must say, posting on this board is rather theraputic! I didn't realize that's what really went through my head until I just typed it! Interesting. I guess the obvious point is I am not so confident and secure to ask any guy out, let alone be turned down by him. But you are right, I am not expecting him to be "the one" or anything so dramatic. I just can't help but think I would be able to have conversations with him, not just work fluff. We'll see...

Thanks
Sheesh

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 9:08pm
You know, I've had the same thought about looking good at work. Unfortunately, my company has a uniform all managers wear. A golf/polo shirt and khaki pants, which looks ridiculous on most women, including myself. Not the flattering look I would prefer. Usually when I go out, people see me out of uniform and say "Wow! You look great!" Not the best compliment, but I'll take what I can get. Hopefully, I can see him outside of work and look much better than I do at work! I will take your other piece of advice to heart about not giving him too much of my time at work. Honestly, last week I was blowing off other stuff I "should" have been doing, so I won't do that anymore. Besides, I don't want him to think I'm a slacker! He should admire my work ethic, right? ha ha
Thanks for your thoughts...
Sheesh
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 9:16pm
Hi fivesense.
You make the most obvious point...if he is interested he will ask me out. I have a hard time remembering that just because I might be interested in him, he may not be interested in me. I can very easily get ahead of myself and think about how nice it would be to have him around, would he get along with my kids, what would we do together without the kids, then feel heartbroken that I haven't even been on a date. It's a weird mind game that goes on in my head. If I could just remember your simple advice more I would do a lot better.
(I'm not as crazy as I sound, I promise!)
Thanks for your advice.
Sheesh
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 9:26am

When I wasn't dating anyone, I did have some crushes on men. Like, school girl crushes. It was a lot of fun. A few times, I did attempt to ask out my crush...but, I got nowhere with that. Then, I would realize that I didn't even like that person so much.

Best wishes. Something good will happen for you :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 1:31pm

Oh sheesh - that work outfit sounds horrid at best.

Well, you will have to do something fun with your hair and makeup - as best you can.

Good to hear you won't be slacking anymore. A great smile, lingering eye contact - and then dashing off to find out why the dishwasher is making that crazy noise, or what to do when waiter X calls in sick, or finding out how to get the fish that was ordered that didn't come in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 7:39pm

<> Yeah, me too.

<<(I'm not as crazy as I sound, I promise!)>> Nope, me either.

Moody- who prefers to think of it as a mental retreat, this fantasy world I'm trying not to live in


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