what a mess
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what a mess
| Thu, 10-07-2004 - 2:31pm |
Well, I dont know how many of you are going to remember me or my situation but I can give a quick recap. I invited a guy i was hanging out with to move in with his kids because he was being evicted, well that was back in Dec., yes, almost a year ago. I have created quite the mess and it really has gotten me a darn thing except anguish and stress. He still hasnt made any kind of commitment to me, he says we are just roommates, but we sleep in the same bed(are not doing anything in said bed)I guess I just needed to vent because all my friends and family want me to boot him to the curb but in good conscious i cant, mainly because of his kids. I am not ready to give up on him but I know that I have got to stop putting my life on hold also. So, I've been chatting with this guy online, I originally started chatting with him back in Feb, but because of a guilty concsious I kind of just stopped getting online at all. Well, I decided to reconnect with him cuz he was a nice guy, we had a lot of things in common, and his life isnt nearly as messed up as my roommates is. He has two girls, closer to my kids' age, a good job and a good head on his shoulders. So why am I feeling so guilty, like I'm keeping some horrible secret, I'm living my life, but yet I feel bad. My roommate is a good person, he really is, but we are just in two different paths in our lives. I'm ready for another a relationship and he isnt. He wants to wait until he has some bills paid off and can feel like he is contributing something to a relationship. Everyone in my life says he is making excuses and now, i'm just not sure anymore. If nothing else I dont want to lose his friendship but right now I'm losing hope that it will ever be anything more. Now I'm stuck in this god awful situation, the soonest he can move out will be after the first of the year, just hope I can hold on till then, its really getting hard. Thanks for listening,
Tracie

"I am not ready to give up on him but I know that I have got to stop putting my life on hold also. So, I've been chatting with this guy online...."
Tracie, I'm sure that you have a lot of confused feelings about all this, but let me give you a very simple answer to your problems....get over and get rid of one guy before you move onto the next.
I have to agree with Maggie on this one. I also want to add that it might not be so easy to get rid of this guy -- he sounds kind of entrenched in your house. You said, "Everyone in my life says he is making excuses and now, i'm just not sure anymore. If nothing else I dont want to lose his friendship but right now I'm losing hope that it will ever be anything more." Believe me, he is making excuses, and even when he gets some bills paid off, there will be another excuse. I went through the same thing in trying to get a BF to leave my house. There was excuse after excuse, and this went on for months. I finally waited until he went to work, put his stuff in the garage, and had the locks changed. I had to, he would have never left otherwise, and I was miserable. I wouldn't even worry about his friendship right now, I would worry about you and your family. I know you have a heart, and you don't want to put his kids out, but he is also using that to play on your sympathies. What he needs is for you to give him a date, like you need to get out by ____. If you don't I'm changing the locks. You have to be tough or he will keep taking advantage of you. I know this sounds harsh, but I don't see this guy going on his own. You don't have to be mean; just tell him what you expect, when you expect it by, and what he can expect if your wishes aren't met. Then at least he was warned. Remember, take care of yourself and your family. They come first. Good luck to you.
Donna
I TOTALLY agree with Donna and Maggie on this. Give him a date and get him OUT! AND go slow before getting involved right away with the next guy. He sounds nice and if he's really nice then he'll give you the time and space you need to get your life back on track.