What a mess I am...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
What a mess I am...
2
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 11:07pm

I spent a great part of the weekend with Bikerguy. We went on a ride with 2 couples and had a fantastic time. My kids were due home at 5 today but at 1 I decided to head home, which is not like me. I usually wait until the last minute to leave but I felt like leaving him wanting more, so to speak. He asked why I was "rushing off" and I said I had things to do at home.

Got home and decided to spend some time with NN. We have a new shopping center near our houses that just opened so we went there and strolled around. I love being with him but am not feeling the "spark" I was earlier in the week. Not sure what's changed. Ever since we kissed, I've been feeling like I just want to keep him as a friend. I don't get it because I've been enjoying the kissing with him. Ugh!!! And I was starting to feel this ambivalence before I saw Bikerguy. I'm wondering if I should take myself off the market for now until I know what I want. I think I like spending time with NN with our kids because it's a feeling of family that I've never had. When we're alone, it doesn't feel so "right".

So tonight, kids came home and Bikerguy sends me a text. He decided to head out to work tonight so that he wouldn't have to get up at 4am and drive out in the morning. He wrote that he had a great weekend and realized by spending time with me how much he's missed me. *Sigh* I felt so good when I read that but know that nothing's changed between us as far as him keeping to himself when he's out of town and I need more communication than he can give. I think that's why I'm feeling like I'm trying to make my relationship with NN "fit". Like it's not quite right but I'm trying so hard to make it right so that I won't be lonely.

I'm going to take a few steps back from NN for now and see what happens. If it's right it will work out. Doing the same with Bikerguy.

Thanks for listening...

Cat

Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 11:44pm

Yeah- I agree a break from both is in order- get your head clear and decide what YOU want and then open yourself again to the possibility when you're feeling stronger.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 7:08am

It sounds to me like you are very clear on what you want - someone who is into you and who can provide communication and time and the want to be with you and not be online - and at the same time someone who doesn't smoke who has mutual chemistry.

I would vote
C) Neither BG or NN - keep looking and you will find one just right!

Sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders and will find the right one!!