What is the point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
What is the point?
15
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 1:51pm

Fact: I am in love with Jack. He is a good person and until I - ME ME ME - and comfortable moving on I am not going to. No one can understand the relationship we have between each other except us and although people may experience what are seemingly similar experiences they are not the same. I do listen and do take heed but honeslty when I did take advice here - it wasn't for me. It didn't work out. Telling Alyse he was never coming back - DUMB. Should have stuck to my guns on that and explained things how they really were. I tried to say that I was through with it but I am not like that. Maybe I am not like most of you - in fact I KNOW I am not. I am not saying one is better because I don't think that is true. I am just different in many ways and maybe that is BAD. But it is who I am. I am a good mother, I work hard, and love and forgive like you wouldn't believe. I don't get pissy, whiney, weepy, or anything like that. I am open, honest, loving and forthright but I am not demanding, manipulative or sarcastic. Listening to anyone else just makes me one of those bad things.

I really thought coming here would be a place to find encouragement but I have not really found that here much. I see a bunch of people who complain when it doesn't work out, don't make themselves accountable for things not working out (haven't you noticed it is always HIS issues?) And flip flop just as much as I do. I am not the only one that asserts one day I should take a break and then the next posts about some guy.

So thanks to all that have been kind and tried to understand my side and actually read what was written. So many times I am amazed at what is derived from my posts. I especially HATE HATE HATE the tactic of copying my posts and putting them in your own and then analyzing them and taking them out of context. I am always frustrated with that one.

I realize many of you have stated that it is hard to know with not being here. I am not trying to dog you guys down at all. I wish you all luck with everything and I will still be around because I do like to listen to the advice you give others. But mine is too colored by a view of me or of Jack. That is my fault for telling you all too much detail. This is no fault of yours but I feel that I do not fit in well with all of you. I will just have to do what is best for me and leave for a bit- maybe for good who knows. But I wanted to say thanks and let you know why I am going. It just isn't a good fit here for me and the way I am. I am sorry. So for now I am going to take a break from all of you. I am sure I will lurk and may post here and there to people but I will keep this business off the board. Sorry to have frustrated and upset you with my personality but I obviously have. Maybe I am tough to be with ;) Maybe Jack has good reason to be cautious. You never know.

And just a side note: for those that on-line date think about guys who you have emailed and talked to and were excited to meet and then were NOTHING like you thought. I dare to say many of the people you meet on boards like this may be very similar in that. I have met woman from my other boards and been shocked. Sometimes in a bad way and sometimes good. Just something for you all to think about in your certainty about me. The only thing I am certain of is you are all well meaning. And for that I appreciate it - really. This just isn't the place for me - at least for now.

Take Care

Laura

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 6:43pm

Dear Laura,
You're right, none of us really know Jack or your relationship with him well. We only know one side of your relationship with Jack, and that's the side that you show us. I could never pretend to understand the complexity of living with rich, successful, famous and controlling parents and the enourmity of the decision to walk away from that if that's what it came down to. I'm thankful I don't have to deal with that dilemma.

I do have first hand knowledge and experience being hopelessly inlove with someone who couldn't give me what I wanted. I was the happiest woman in the world when we were together, but I was constantly focusing on what was good about him, to avoid the pain of what was missing. I was convincing myself that being with him made me happy and that I could live in the "now" with him and take what I could get and be happy with that. But behind the scenes, I was getting my heart broken each time he did something that made me realize he couldn't take that extra step, make that extra effort, make that committment to show me I was worth it. Yet it was incredibly difficult to find the strength to break away from him. Like you, I did not listen to anything anyone had to say, until I was ready to say it to myself. In the end the thing that saved me was that he moved to the opposite side of the country due to a family emergency.

We ARE here to give support, thoughts and opinions, but we can only speak from what we know, based on our own experiences and how you describe your experiences here. Please believe us that we just want you to be happy. Do whatever you need to do to be happy Laura. Your own answers will come with time and experience. Good luck with everything!

Hugs,
gabriella

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 3:05am
I think what lisahein means, is, that you seem to make your situation sound so unique and yourself so unique and act as if we have no understanding of what's like to be in your situation. I think that is an arrogant way of seeing things and makes it look like that no one BUT YOU has ever been put in your situation. Your situation isn't that special, different, unique or whatever you want to call it. More women on this board have been in your shoes than you know. So basically, everytime you say YOUR SITUATION IS DIFFERENT AND WE DON'T UNDERSTAND, it just burns my butt and I think it burns a few others as well. BUT, of course, I don't understand, because your situation is soooooooo unique.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 1:33pm
The point of the board is support and perspective. You don't know us from adam, but still we're here when other people aren't. We're outside of your circle, so we can listen and give feedback the way your family and acquaintances can't. Now the fact that you don't like what the board says or how they say it...I see your point in not wanting to continue participating. We've got opinions and we're not yes men. That's fine. You don't want to hear it, don't post it. That's a sound decision.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 9:03pm

hi gabriella. I am not sure I should post this, only to say I have read all these responses. Unfortunately I would dare say I may have dated and met mroe men than most woman here. I hae had lots of experince with all kinds of men. Jack IS different - by his personality situation and all kinds of things. I have described things to people with similar opinions then made who once they really KNOW him realize that all the rules they have thought were out the window and their opinion was not valid. I am not saying that you all haven't been in what you THINK is similar. I listen, I have been in the position you THINK I am in. I was with that teacher - Chris - that I posted about. I know the difference. I have NO idea what will happen. All I know is right now I am not ready to let go. But that could change. All I can do is wait it out for myself because if I am not truly ready to, it won't work. i won't walk away. And honestly, the only thing lacking is the security of knowing this is leading to marriage. If it doesn't work well then it doesn't. But I have to be ready and know it won't before I can move forward with anything else. i am not living in a Jack vacuum. I am keeping my eyes open and my heart as much as I can. I feel that things will happen as they should. My biggest problem is over analyzing everything in life instead of enjoying. be happy for my victory in doing that because I am - and even now it is a struggle. But I know myself. I know the pressure I put on my loved ones. I also know that he is not typical. Not ONE person that knows him finds he fits the mold at all. Like I said - I have dated and known MANY MANY men (not so great I know) and he is not like any other AT ALL. The typical thing does not work with him.

I hope that answers the "talking doen" BS in the other post. I don't think saying that someone isn't coming from the same place as you are is talking down. I think it is pretty arrogant of those individuals to assume they were in the same spot just from these posts. I appreciate their perspective but I thin the best judge of whether or not that situation is similar is me. Thanks

(BTW that was for them - not you)

Thanks to all even if you did get bent out of shape and think I was talking down to you. It is amazing how different people people can take things differently isn't it?

laura

Moderator
Registered: 12-12-2002
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 9:31am

Hi everyone~


I see so much support on this board and appreciate the way each of you have taken such care to choose your words carefully while posting.

 


Julie Prewitt
Customer Support
iVillage.com


Pages