What a Relief!
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| Mon, 01-23-2006 - 2:04pm |
Just want to give a little update on how things are going with the guy I met on E-Harmony. Surprisingly, things are going well. He has a seven-year-old son. All of us (me and my kids and him and his son) got together a few weeks ago, and everyone got along great. Also surprisingly, my son really likes his son and him. My son is a hard sell. My son has told me in the past that I didn’t need any boyfriends, all I needed was him. When I picked my kids up from their dad’s house yesterday, we passed by a water park and my son said he wanted all of us to go there in the summer. He’s got it all figured out – he says Steve is perfect for me! I started cracking up – too funny.
At my last counseling session, I talked to my counselor about how you tell someone you are dating that you have an STD. We haven’t been intimate yet, but I just felt like every time we were together that I was hiding this horrible secret. Since my divorce, this is the longest that I have dated someone (3 months) without being intimate. Since my last breakup and finding out about my STD, I have been holding back, emotionally and physically. I just wasn’t ready to jump in with both feet right away. I’m being cautious – I just don’t look at relationships the same way any more, and trust is a big issue for me. I looked up a website that gave me great advice; like at what point in a relationship you should tell someone, when not to say it, and it even gave you sample things you could say. So, I was armed with the information, but I was still very nervous. We were alone Saturday night at his house watching movies, and I figured that was as good a time as any, although it was hard for me to get the words out. I told him about my last relationship, how it ended, and that he gave me an STD. He said one of his friends is going through the same thing, except his girlfriend didn’t tell him until they already had sex. We talked a long time after that about a lot of things. He said he felt I was giving him mixed signals. I told him he was right and I explained why. He said he feels he knows me a lot better now. We had a nice evening, lots of hugging and kissing, which put my mind at ease.
The next day when we talked he thanked me again for telling him. He said that it must have been real hard for me to say it (he has no idea). I thanked him for being so understanding and not making a big deal out of it. Then he said, “If I didn’t like you so much, I would think it wasn’t worth the trouble or the risk, but you are so cool and such an awesome person that it doesn’t matter. We’ll work around it. You’re definitely a keeper.” He admitted that other that what he has heard from his friend, he didn’t know that much about it. I offered to give him the stuff I had gotten off of the internet so he could read it. At least he’s willing to be educated and not jump to a bunch of conclusions. You can’t imagine how relieved I am to have that off of my chest. And I’m also amazed how well it went. I didn’t know what to expect, or how he would react. So when he told me it was ok, I was very relieved and very happy.
I’m a bit of a jaded pessimist because of my past, so I don’t let my imagination run away with me. To me, we have gotten over a big hurdle, and I’ll just have to see how it all plays out – one day at a time. I’m just so glad the “cat is out of the bag”, now we can move on.
BTW - to Kaitlyn: When I first posted about the STD, you told me that the right person would understand and you were right. Thanks for the encouraging words!
Donna

This is all so wonderful news, Donna. I pray that you are both keepers for each other - and it sounds like it should be!! Keep us posted!!
You are very brave and I think you have handled everything right. And the fact that you were matched by eharmony really says a lot, too. The test that you have to take to determine your personality and preferences takes almost an hour and is over 500 questions - so if you two match on their 27 points after all of that, you have a lot going for you already.
And it is so nice that he has a son and that your son likes him and them and "foresees" you going to the water park in the summer.
All any of us need is just that one person who is really into us and who appreciates us for our strong points.
Judy:
Waterpark, shoot, my kids have us getting married, buying a bigger house and having a baby! All of this came out on the ride home yesterday. Ah, the mind of an eight year old. I wish it were that simple. I'm glad they like Steve and are comfortable around him. I don't think they have ever had that comfort level with anyone else I dated in the past. They are more convinced than I am right now, but I have some issues I need to work through before I can make a commitment. But that's ok -- one day at a time is fine with me.
Donna
LOL Donna!
Nicolas was a lot like your son when J and I first got together, he started asking how soon we were getting married and having babies.