What should I do?
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| Mon, 04-14-2008 - 10:24pm |
This is one I would like your opinion on. Just a few hours ago the gf called to let me know that while we were in Italy her DS took my brand new Volkswagen Passat for a joy ride (without permission of course). Now his excuse was lame, clearly somewhat of a lie (wouldn't expect much different from a teen) and his apology was half hearted.
She asked me what to do, but didn't want to really hear my suggestion. I called her back and told her that I was not so angry but very, very disappointed and that I felt this was another example of him being irresponsible and NOT considering how his actions effect himself and his mom.
Now since I'm only the BF for a little over a year, I can't discipline him for his actions. So far all she has done is discuss it with me and not really heard what I said.
As the bf, what are my options here? How should she handle this?
Thanks for your considerations,
Zen.

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...sigh...
I don't have any constructive ideas to attempt to make her son act his age. I also have no constructive ideas for making your GF act like a responsible parent. It's too late in the game, baby.
I just had a close male friend do this whole relationship that you are having. In the end I had to point out that our friends TEENAGE daughters had less drama than this woman.
Social Behavior: If it's stuck at 40, it isn't changing. Might as well get a 20 yr old where the this is at least unsurprising...
Bleh, doesn't sound like you want a partner in life. Sounds like you want to be a daddy to a naughty girl. I'm not even going to apologize for that. Assess your priorities. Act accordingly. If that's what you like, don't b*tch about it.
"Sounds like you want to be a daddy to a naughty girl."
HAHA!
Zen, I have to say- I agree with silver_lining and Alison here in their last couple of posts!!! You are still there in it, because you LIKE the drama and the challenge of trying to teach her or fix her.
I just wish you'd see how much calmer and peaceful your life could be, if you were not in a relationship that was this trying on you. If you had a partner who matches you in maturity and needs and capabilities... one that flows without all the hurdles and barriers!! But if you had that, you might think it was boring and want to find something/someone else. When it comes to emotional well-being though- "boring" is good!!! Peace and reliability
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
"Sounds like you want to be a daddy to a naughty girl....If that's what you like, don't b*tch about it."
Zen, I've been giving this some thought, and I wonder if the reason you might feel so compelled to get your hands dirty in someone else's drama and problems is to
Excellent points Soonee, as always :)
Who would want to date a stable, reliable, secure, caring and giving person when they can constantly wonder the intentions of another, try to catch them cheating on you, stress over an unruly child and be able to nag someone who is selfish.
SO much EXACTLTY as I was going to say it.
Zen - he is NOT your child. You are not married to her. You dont even live with her & her son. Even if you DID< I dont know how much "right" you have to dole out punishment to him. As Soonee said, what you DO have a right to do is press charges. I know you wont - but really, other that that option, how EXACTLY do you expect to get this kid to agree to come & work with you for TWELVE hours on a Sat?
"I am awaiting, w/ bated breath, if she follow thru. I hope so - so we can all gain SOME semblence of respect for her! ;)
I see for every relationship it takes two for there is a reason why each stay in it. I have a friend who complains about her on-again/off-again lover. I know she is getting something out of it or else she still would not be still in it. I believe there is no wrong in a relationship, only differences to be worked out. If one cannot work out the differences then take action rather than complain about it.
It's the old Serenity prayer yes? "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."
So for each of us in a relationship, even we can make the other one the "bad guy" there is the other person who is getting something out of the relationship to stay in it. There are no victims, only volunteers.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
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