What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2007
What should I do?
33
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 10:24pm

This is one I would like your opinion on. Just a few hours ago the gf called to let me know that while we were in Italy her DS took my brand new Volkswagen Passat for a joy ride (without permission of course). Now his excuse was lame, clearly somewhat of a lie (wouldn't expect much different from a teen) and his apology was half hearted.

She asked me what to do, but didn't want to really hear my suggestion. I called her back and told her that I was not so angry but very, very disappointed and that I felt this was another example of him being irresponsible and NOT considering how his actions effect himself and his mom.

Now since I'm only the BF for a little over a year, I can't discipline him for his actions. So far all she has done is discuss it with me and not really heard what I said.

As the bf, what are my options here? How should she handle this?

Thanks for your considerations,

Zen.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 12:54am

You are SOOOO right in your thoughts, Mark!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2007
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 9:53pm

Okay, something you will never believe...SHE BACKED ME AND HE JUST FINISHED HIS SENTENCE!

She just picked up DS a couple of minutes ago. 11 hours of work around my house. I found a way to be constructive after talking to a dude I know who recently finished his third year with his wife who had two kids before they got married.

I made it most about the car. Told him that to make it up to me, to show he was truly sorry and understood he was wrong, he would spend the day with me. Well, he did. He fought it at first but Mommy stood fast with me. Since it was a week after Earthday, he came to my house. We started with the car he "stole." I told him that I was disappointed that he didn't ask my permission, and reminded him how bad it could have been. Then he and I completely detailed the car (he did most of the work, I did a few small things and supervised.) As I had him detail the car I had him check the oil and all the fluids and refill the ones that needed it (something he's never done before nor has his dad shown him.) I had him vacuum, clean out and condition the interior and exterior. Had him check the air in all the tires. The whole nine yards. Then I had him do the same with my pickup, except I made him scrub the bed as well. I also had him take off a tire and check the brakes. Then put the tire back on. After doing both cars he helped me mow and trim my lawn and straighten out the garage.

When it was all done we sat down and shared a sub. I went over all the things he learned today (how to check fluids and maintain a car), how to change a tire, how to edge sidewalks and driveways and how to choose the right height to mow grass at depending on the type and season. He understood and apologized again for not asking to take the car.

The girlfriend held her ground too. He started asking her to let him go out after they left and she said no and hell no. Damn!

So, a breakthrough. I found a way to do something positive and constructive yet it still was a punishment and inconvenient to him. He gets it now, I'm sure.

So, yeah. Woo hoo!

Zen

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 04-26-2008 - 11:56pm

Was he truly sorry for messing up, or sorry he was caught?


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