What would you make out of this??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
What would you make out of this??
17
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 9:13pm

Dear Board Members,

I need your advice. We went out on a first date and had a wonderful time. We had a lot of fun, and at the end we kissed. On the first date he asked me out for a second date. I said I was uncertain of my schedule, but sure I would like to.

The same night after the first date he texted me (how great the date was, sleep well, talk to you soon etc.). The next day we exchanged text-messages and he called in the evening. The next day I happened to be in town just where he lives, we met for a few hours and talked, had a great time. He texted me the same night. He seemed to be really into me, very enthusiastic about how well we get along in terms of taste, sense of humor, political views etc.

We have been texting/talking on the phone until our third date came. It was very nice and romantic, dinner etc. After that we went up to his place where we talked a lot about common interests, he showed me his work, he played me music etc. We ended up in bed making out for several hours. He seemed to be reluctant to have sex, of course I did not pressure it at all, as I was in no rush either. After several hours of kissing and cuddling we really got a point where we got really excited, and he asked if I wanted to do it, it is up to me, he does not want to force it. I said yes (I have not been with a man in quite a while and it just felt right). It was really nice, and we slept together afterward.

The next morning we hugged, cuddled, talked a lot about all kinds of things for hours.We had fun. I thought we were going to have sex, but when things started to heat up, he told me he wants to take it slow because of some bad experiences he has had (he did not want to elaborate on that..). So we ended up talking, having a nice time etc. When I left, he told me he would call me next week.

The very next day he called, he sounded very nice and enthusiastic. He even said to tickle my daughter on his behalf (they never met).However, here is my question mark; he did not ask me out on a date, or set up any plans with me. We hung up saying “talk to you soon”. I did not want to ask him when we would meet because I wanted to give him some room.

However I am very puzzled by his behavior. Since this phone call two days went by and no calls no text messages… I know two days is not a lot, but it is just strange, given that ever since our first date we have literally been in daily contact. (I did not text or call him since he called because I want to give him room).

I don’t understand what happened. If he is not into me anymore, why did he call the next day? But since he called why did not he ask me out on a date or try to make any plans with me? Why did he “disappear” since then?? Does he just need a few days, or is he not into me anymore? How long should I wait before I call him?

He seems like a very sweet, genuine, big-hearted guy, not a player… I am not sure what to make of this! Please advise, an outsider can see this more objectively than I! Thank you in advance!

PS.: Conservative people with lectures or scolding on how I should not have slept with him on the third date etc. please spare yourself your time.. Thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 6:13pm
As I said in my original post I am not curious about rude and distasteful comments.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 6:52pm
WOW that was rude of you. She is trying to understand something and you put that up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 8:12pm

No problem! ;-) You always get some of these when post on a public board.. Anyways, I really appreciate all the other posts, and I will definitely keep you updated.

In the meantime I wish everyone great dates, and for those who don't date right now, great cozy nights with a good book in this cold weather.

Dating is a really wonderful thing but can be tedious, frustrating and also painful.. I wish we could just start every relationship already being in it for a few months , instead of having to go through all the effort of dating, getting to know one another etc. and having to reject others/being rejected/hurt/surprised etc. all for nothing..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 8:24pm
Dont let it be tedious. I keep wondering why I ever got married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 9:50pm

Update, or mistery "resolved".

He emailed me today apologising for disappearing. The main point: He is an upfront guy, so he wwants to let me know that he is trying to rekindle his relationship with his ex (or one of his exes or something).

But I am a great girl, we should be friends, do lunch or something casual blah blah...

Upfront...? Yeah, sure disappearing for over a week after 4 intense date and constant text messages/calls. Funny thing is we actually briefly talked about his exes and he never even as much as implied not being over them, even though I made it clear for him right from the very beginning that I am just getting out of a marriage etc..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 11:07pm
Sounds like maybe he is stuck between two worlds in his head or hes a jerk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 11:53am

I am sorry Clarissa. I'm glad that you got the resolve and the answer finally.. but I that just stinks. It seems like as women we like to give men the benefit of the doubt first.. he might need space, whatever. Then we find they are sleeping with an ex. Blah is right.


Lose his number and move on. If he considers his actions as being UPFRONT then I'd hate to see his secret side!


Hugs....and chalk this one up as just one bad apple in a bunch.

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs

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